


Hidden (PruAus Version)

by CONSTANTlNE



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Anime, Anime & Manga - Freeform, Fanfiction, Hetalia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Manga, PruAus - Freeform, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 01:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 59
Words: 77,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3749764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CONSTANTlNE/pseuds/CONSTANTlNE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please note that the characters do not belong to me, they are Himaruya Hidekaz's. However, the story belongs to @seasidestyles on Wattpad.<br/>ALSO<br/>I might do something you Hetalia fans won't like but I seriously had like no other option please forgive me. I might seem like a total bitch but the story sort of called for it.<br/></p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hidden](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/109462) by Seasidestyles/Tess. 



> Please note that the characters do not belong to me, they are Himaruya Hidekaz's. However, the story belongs to @seasidestyles on Wattpad.  
> ALSO  
> I might do something you Hetalia fans won't like but I seriously had like no other option please forgive me. I might seem like a total bitch but the story sort of called for it.  
> 

_-Present Time-_

 

 _The proximity of our bodies is so close, I feel his breath fanning out onto my face. The temperature is rising rapidly in the small space, with fear and anxiety. I rest my head against the wall, knowing that at any moment my flat will be ransacked and sifted through for any sign of us two. They'll tear through every room until they find this one, the only one that locks from inside. And they won't hesitate to break it down._  
_I feel his eyes on me. Even in the darkness of the small wardrobe we're crammed into, I see the electrifying red of his gaze._

_"Are you afraid?"_

_His voice rings through the silence. I lean my head over to look at him, eyes locking with his. I think of all the different times he's asked me that same question._

_"Are you?" I counter._

_He looks away, taking a breath._  
_My throat is dry and my skin is damp with nervous sweat. My heart pounds loudly in my chest._

_"Roderich."_

_I snap my eyes up to meet his again._

_"I want you to promise me something." His voice is low and raspy, laced with despair._

_I nod slowly._

_"If something happens here... I need to know that..." He takes a breath, running a hand through his hair. "I want you to run, okay?" He looks back at me._

_I furrow my brow. "What are you meaning to say?"_

_"I want you to go back to Vienna, I want you to forget about me." There is nothing but pain in his eyes._

_I shake my head. "I... I cannot."_

_"You have to do it, Roderich, do you understand? If one of us is going to make it, I want it to be you," He says harshly._

_My heart rate seems to accelerate. "No," I say. "I will not promise that."_

_"You need to," He says, shaking his head. "You need to leave here and never come back. Don't come looking for me either-"_

_"I will not do that!" I cut him off. He shuts his mouth, jaw tense. I take a breath. "If something happens here, it is both of us or neither of us."_

_He stares at me, hard; searching my eyes desperately. A muscle throbs in his jaw and his breathing is uneven. His neck glistens with sweat._  
_He finally breaks my gaze, looking down. It terrifies me to think that he won't make it; that they'll let me go and not him._

_"Not everything turns out the way you want it to." He says, after a few minutes of silence. "Not everything turns out perfect-"_

_"We cannot think that way," I say. "It will tear us apart."_

_"If that doesn't, there are a thousand other things that will."_

_That is how it has always been; I the optimist and he the pessimist._

_"What will happen if you make it and I do not?" I dare to question._

_His eyes snap up to me. "Then I'd die wishing it were me instead of you."_

_My heart is in my throat. Warm tears prick at my eyes and I wipe them quickly._

_"Stop that talk," I snap. "Stop it."_

_He looks taken aback by my harsh tone, but he doesn't say anything._

_"All I'm saying," He begins again. "Is-"_

_"I know exactly what you're saying, and I want you to stop saying it!" My voice sounds high pitch, verging on hysterical._

_He reaches out and takes my hand in his, the rough skin of his palm touching the soft skin of mine. He runs his hand over the back of my hand soothingly. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself._

_"Just promise me," He whispers. "Promise me you'll stay hidden."_

_I don't answer._

_"Please, Roderich," He begs. "I need you to."_

_I swallow and nod. If this is what he wants to hear, then I'll agree to it._

_"Say it," He pleads._

_"I'll stay hidden," I whisper._

_Just as he steps toward me to pull me into an embrace, fierce pounding sounds and the door next to us is ripped off its hinges._


	2. Chapter One

_-Months earlier-_

 

I sit perched on my small couch, staring at the phone. I've barely had time to unpack anything or put anything into place because I've been staring at my damn silent phone for the past thirty minutes. I've only been in my new flat for three hours, and all I've been doing is waiting for a stupid phone call. My eyes flick to the clock. It is eighteen thirty.  _Weren't they suppose to call at eighteen hundred?_ I sigh and stand up. I might as well unpack to pass the time. Just as I open a box that contains some of my clothing, my phone rings the same annoying marimba tone and I scramble past the couch and reach for it on the coffee table. I hesitate to answer at first and hope it's the call I've been waiting for.

"Hello?" I answer breathlessly.

"Hello, mister Edelstein? This is Irunya Chernenko from Kirkland Publishing."

My heart leaps to my throat. "Yes, hello."

"I'm calling to inform you that your interview went very well and you got the position, congratulations." The woman, Irunya, on the other line sounds smooth and professional. I try to match her tone. "Thank you very much," I say, practically holding my breath. 

"You begin Monday, where you will be assigned a desk and meet your boss, Mr Jones. I look forward to seeing you around the office. Have a wonderful night." And with that, she hangs up. I make sure my phone is locked before a release a heavy sigh of relief. This is the job I've been dreaming about ever since I was a teenager with of course a hobby of music. I steadily pick up my phone and dial Natalia's number. When we connect, I don't hesitate to tell her. 

"Natalia," I say quietly. "I got the job." I can't help but smile a bit.

I hear her sigh. "Roderich, I'm at work." 

I hold my breath anxiously. "But I got the.. job. The job I've wanted for a  _long_ time." 

"And I'm happy for you." She says. "But I really have to go, -"

"It's fine." 

"Don't be mad, Roddy, We'll go out tonight, how about that?" 

A smile spreads across my lips. "Alright." 

"See you tonight." 

I put down my phone and face the stacks of boxes that line my flat. I sigh and begin to unpack.

Natalia and I have been dating for a few months now. We met when I was visiting the United Kingdom from Vienna. I immediately took a liking to her and when I told her I was moving here, we began to see each other.

She works as a medical intern while she finishes medical school. I don't really blame her for not having much time for me; her job is important and busy. I know she'll make time for me later- she always does. 

The flat I moved into is big on other people's standards but it's good enough for me. One bedroom that overlooks the London centre, my favourite part of the U.K. It's very close to Kirkland Publishing, which was my intention even if I ended up not getting the job. I guess I was pretty intent on getting it anyway. 

I've always thought the London centre was the best part of London. Maybe it's all the aspiring artists and writers in the area that I like, but something about the atmosphere makes me feel instantly at home. True, it was hard to find a decent flat within my expectations but with Natalia's help, I found this place, and I love it. 

I put white sheets on my bed and begin organising my different pictures and trinkets. A picture of Natalia and I goes on my dresser, along with a picture of my sister and my two closest friends, Vash and Erika. A photo of my parents and I comes next, all three of us smiling in Mariazell. I feel a pain in my chest as I look at the photo. That was before everything happened. 

I love the character of London, it's a beautiful city. Kirkland Publishing happens to be one of the best publishers in the country too. I surprise myself by finishing unpacking my bedroom. I squint at the clock, it reads twenty hundred, Natalia should be off by now. 

Just as I'm thinking this, there is a swift knock on my door. My heart flutters as I walk to the door, swinging it open with a smile on my face, expecting to see Natalia.

My smile fades when I realise it isn't Natalia at all. Instead, it's a tall boy around my age, with white hair and red eyes. His lips are pursed in a slightly annoyed expression and he wears a white Rolling Stones t-shirt with black  ~~skinny~~ jeans. 

"Hello," I say.

"Hi." He says. His tone sharp, and I'm slightly taken aback. "I notice you moved in here and I just wanted to let you know that I'd appreciate it if you kept the noise level down." I noticed a distant German accent in his voice. 

"I wasn't aware that I was making any noise," I say.

"You weren't." He says. "Yet, I'm just telling you for the future."

I furrow my brow. "That was a bit unnecessary."

"Yeah, well." He snaps.

"I do not understand why you are being so harsh-"

"Just keep the noise level down." He interrupts me and turns on his heel and stalks across the hall, disappearing into the apartment directly across from mine. 

I stand at the door for a moment before shutting it. He came over to tell me not to make noise. No friendly greeting, only 'keep the noise level down.' Who was he anyway? He did not tell me his name or anything of the sort. I push the boys rudeness aside as I turn to my room, continuing to unpack.

My phone rings a few minutes later and I bring it to my ear. 

"Hello?"

"Roderich, I'm sorry but they're putting me on call tonight," Natalia says. "I wish I could make it, but-"

"Oh, no, it is fine." I hold my breath a bit.

"Roddy, don't be upset-"

"I am not, just, good luck." I lighten my tone and smile.

"Thank you." I can tell she's smiling.

I hang up and sit on my bed. It seems I am staying in tonight. 

I rise and begin to cook myself dinner, my thoughts returning to the boy who lives across the hall. Maybe I should go over and ask him why he was so rude. Or ask  _him_ to keep the noise down in the future. I almost laugh at the thought, but I know that I wouldn't say that. I will not stoop to his level. Maybe I should go over and introduce myself and pretend that our earlier encounter never happened. That would be neighbourly, right? Satisfied with my plan, I finish cooking but do not eat. I go into the hall, close my door and walk down until I reach his door. I knock on his door and patiently wait. The door swings open and the boy appears, his mouth settling into a frown when his crimson eyes land on me. I take a step back, recomposing myself. Something about him slightly intimidates me. 

"Can I help you?" He snaps. 

I brush off his rudeness and plaster a smile on my face. "Hi," I say, sticking out my hand for him to shake. "I am Roderich Edelstein, I just moved in across the hall." 

He stares at my hand for a moment. "And?" He says.

I drop my hand to my side. "And it seems we're neighbours now.." 

He rolls his eyes. "Fantastic."

I ball my hands into fists, searching for a response. When he sees I have none, he beings to shut the door. 

"Wait!" I say. 

The door stops and he looks at me expectantly.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"What's it to you?"

"Well, we are neighbours." 

"Is that suppose to mean something to me?"

"I don't know.." 

"Exactly." He begins shutting the door again, but this time, I reach up and catch it.

"Can you at least tell me your name?" I ask.

He stares at me for a moment before replying. "Gilbert," He says. "Gilbert Beilschmidt." And with that, he shuts the door.


	3. Chapter Two

I step into the lift, struggling to press the button. I hold multiple overflowing grocery bags in my arms after a very successful trip to the supermarket. I end up jabbing the button with my elbow, huffing. It is Sunday and I begin my new job tomorrow. I have been a nervous wreck all day, worrying about how tomorrow will go. This is the start of my career and I cannot make this a mess. I am incredibly excited for this job. I have hardly stopped smiling or thinking about it since I got the call the other day. I wonder what my coworkers will be like. I hope they are lovely people and I hope I make some acquaintances.

The lift dings to my floor and I step out as the door opens, my arms aching from carrying the heavy bags. I struggle with my keys and accidentally drop them on the floor.

"Wonderful." I huff. I'm about to bend down to slowly retrive them when a hand reaches out and takes them before I can. I look up to see a boy with deep blue eyes and a kind face.

"Oh my. You seemed to have dropped these." He says, smiling and hands them to me.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." 

"No worries, I am Francis by the way."

"Roderich."

"You moved in here?" He gestures to my flat.

"Yes, yesterday." I pause. "Do you live in this building?" 

Francis laughs and shakes his head. "No, but I have a friend who does." He replies.

"Oh." I nod. 

"Well, have a nice night." He says with a smile. 

"As well, thank you." I return the smile.

He waves and turns, walking toward the door across the hall from me. 

"Pardon." I say, furrowing my brow.

Francis turns and looks at me.

"You are  _Gilbert's_ friend?" I ask.

Francis nods. "Yes, have you two met?"

"Unfortunately." I say and Francis laughs. 

"Oh, he gave you a hard time?" 

"No, only  _very_ rude. So yes, he actually did." I shift the grocery bags in my arms and laugh lightly.

"That is Gilbert." Francis says, chuckling. He says it so lightly, so easily. I wonder if Gilbert is as rude to him, as he was to me when they first met. 

Suddenly the door to Gilbert's apartment opens and he steps out. He wears a t-shirt and the same dark jeans and boots.

"What the hell is the hold up?" He snaps at Francis, then looks at me. He doesn't say anything to me. 

"Nothing, Gil, just helping Roderich with his keys." Francis replies, unaffected by Gilbert's rudeness. 

"Well hurry up," Gilbert grumbles. "We have work to do."

"Coming." Francis replies. "It was nice meeting you, Roderich." He smiles again.

"As well." I say, eyeing Gilbert. Gilbert rolls his eyes at our friendly exchange and slams the door shut as soon as Francis enters the flat. 

It continues to baffle me how Gilbert is so rude. How could he have friend like Francis, who seems so kind and friendly? I open the door to my flat with the keys Francis helped me retrieve. I unload my groceries in the kitchen, still annoyed at Gilbert's behaviour. What did I ever do to him that made him want to be so vicious?


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Kirkland Publishing

My alarm blares at seven, scaring me for a moment. I grab my phone from the bedside table and hurriedly turn of the alarm and I groan. It takes me a good two minutes to realise it's Monday morning, the day I begin my new job. I leap out of bed, rushing into the bathroom. I shower quickly and dry my hair, letting it adjust to it's usual self. I go to my closet and pull an a white collared shirt and black dress slacks along with black dress shoes. I stare at myself in the mirror and take a few deep breaths. 

"Don't screw this up." I huff to my reflection. After that short moment, I grab my messenger bag and my phone, exiting and locking the door behind me. On the way out of the building, I pass Gilbert's door. I scowl and push him away from my thoughts. Just because I have a rude neighbour doesn't mean I have to interact with him. That is, unless my noise level isn't as low as he pleases. I get into my car, the cool London air making me shiver a bit. Even though it's mid September, temperatures are already dropping, not that I mind too much anyway. I like cold weather.

The drive is short to Kirkland Publishing, thanks to my flat only being a few blocks away. I mentally thank Natalia for the thousandth time for helping me pick out such a fantastically located place. I park my car accordingly and walk into the sleek glass building. I take the lift to the sixth floor and walk into the spacious office, stopping at the reception desk. A blonde haired woman with shocking blue eyes smiles at me from behind the desk.

"Good morning mister Edelstein." She says, nodding a bit.

"Hello." I greet her. The plaque on her desk reads 'Irunya Chernenko.'

She smiles at me. "I'll let Mr. Jones  know you're here." She picks up the phone on her desk and pressed a few keys, speaking my name into the receiver before hanging up. She then picks up a document from the cabinets in her desk and hands me a manila folder. "Mr. Jones put aside this manuscript the other day for you to start when you arrived." I take the folder and give a small grin. 

_This is it. This is really happening._

A few moments later, a distinguished man with beautiful blue eyes behind glasses and blonde hair walks up to me, sticking out his hand for me to shake.

"Roderich Edelstein, nice to see you." He says as I shake his hand. "I'm Alfred Jones, COO." 

I nod. I hadn't realised he was so high ranked in the company. To think that I'll be working directly for the COO almost makes me dizzy.

"I'll show you to your workspace." He says. I nod again and follow him across the office to the back corner, facing a wall of windows.

"Over there is the accounting," He say. "Your desk is boarding where accounting works. Next to accounting is HR."

He goes on and I nod politely. He finishes talking to me, then smiles. "You will be expected to read four to five manuscripts a week. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but judging by your resume, you should be up to the challenge. Your first paycheque will arrive to your residence on Sunday. I look forward to seeing your work in copy and editing, mister Edelstein."

"Call me Roderich." I direct him.

He nods and smiles. "Of course." He turns lightly. "If you need anything, my office is by accounting over there." He points at a rather large office off to the side. "My phone extension is 783."

"Thank you." I say.

He nods again before walking past the accounting and into his office. I sit down at my desk and begin to arrange my things. I pull my laptop out of my bag and set it on my desk, taking this opportunity to look at the other people at my desk cluster.

Sitting at a desk across from mine is a boy around my age. His pale skin looks flawless and he wears a collared shirt just like mine. His blonde hair is slicked back and his pale blue eyes are cast down. skimming at a manuscript. I clear my throat slightly as he looks up, his eyes locking with mine. He kindly smiles at me.

"Hi." He says. "You must be new. Either that or I have never seen you before."

"Indeed I am." I nod. "My name is Roderich."

"Ludwig." He says. "Welcome to our desk cluster.

I slightly smile. "Thanks."

He leans forward on his desk. "See that guy over there?" He asks, nodding towards a man with chestnut hair. "That's Lovino. He's a grouch."

"Really."

"Oh yeah. When he's mad, he yells. A lot. Especially at me. Creative language. Over there," He goes on, gesturing to a girl with light brown hair. "That's Laura. She types ninety a minute." 

"Wow."

"Yep. If you need anything typed fast, ask her."

The desks are arranged so that to my right is accounting, and across from me is Ludwig. I face the wall of windows, with Lovino sitting to my side and Laura diagonal from me. There's a small isle between Lovino and my desk.

"Guys." Ludwig says. Lovino and Laura look up at us. Laura's lips form a friendly smile and Lovino nods. "This is Roderich." 

"Hi." Laura says. "Are you new?" 

I nod. "Yes."

Lovino just looks at me for a moment. 

"You should at least be friendly." Ludwig says.

"Don't tell me what to do." Lovino scolds Ludwig. "I will, but not because of you." Lovino says, leaning back in his chair and clicking his pen. "Where are you from?"

"Vienna." I tell him.

"Vienna, Austria?" Laura asks.

I nod.

"So why'd you move?"

"Change of scenery." I answer.

"Ah." She says. "I moved from Brussels, Belgium, to here for the same reason."

"I see." 

Lovino turns back to his work and eyes me once more before he does. 

"He's just bitter." Ludwig smirks.

" _Not true._ " Lovino snaps.

"It's true." Laura nods.

Lovino rolls his eyes. "If you don't mind, I have a big ass manuscript to edit. Four hundred pages."

"That's nothing." Laura retorts. "I've got six hundred."

Ludwig leans forward on his desk again. "We boarder accounting." He tells me as Laura and Lovino get back to work.

I grin. "You talk about different parts of the company like they're clans." 

Ludwig smirks. "Oh, but they are." He clicks his pen in his hand. "Across the way from you is Kiku. He can do mental math faster than Laura types on a computer. 

Laura looks up. "Not true." She says. "I type ninety."

Ludwig ignores her. "Next to Kiku is Berwald. He doesn't talk much."

I nod as he goes on.

"Across from Berwald is Matthias. He can fit twenty five peanut M&M's in his mouth at once." 

"Really." I say. "That's quite an accomplishment."

"Yeah," Ludwig says. "At lunch, he's going to try to break the record and fit thirty."

"Wow." I say.

I notice an empty desk diagonal across the way from me. "Who sits there?" I ask.

Ludwig rolls his eyes, smirking. "Late as usual. Don't worry about him." 

I nod. "Alright."

"We only have three HR executives. Feliciano, Lukas and Feliks." Ludwig says, gesturing to the HR section of the office. Feliciano is identical to Lovino except he has hazel eyes. Lukas has blonde hair, his features feminine. A clip holds his hair back from one side. Feliks spins around in his chair, obviously distracted from his work. 

"Ludwig's been chasing after Feli, my brother, for six months." Lovino says, his tone sounding annoyed as he glares at Ludwig.

I try not to grin, but fail and Ludwig's cheeks turn pink. He doesn't deny anything.

"And the rest of the editors," Ludwig goes on, ignoring the comment, turning to point past Laura and Lovino. "Tino, Emil, Matthieu and Tim." 

Tino throws a rubber ball in the air and catches it, chewing a wad of gum. Tim has dirty blonde hair and deep green eyes looking down at his manuscript. Emil clicks and surfs on his computer, neglecting the manuscript on his desk. Finally, Matthieu writes lazily on a piece of paper, his eyes flicking back and forth to a manuscript.

"And that's all you really need to know, newbie." Ludwig says, smiling.

"Thank you." I say. "I appreciate it."

"No problem, lunch break is at one, if you want to watch Matthias stuff an unhealthy amount of M&M's into his mouth." 

I grin. "Sounds great."

Ludwig smiles at me again before we both focus on our work. I open the manila folder with my first manuscript in it, excitement bubbling up inside me. I begin to read, clicking open my editing pen.

About an hour later, I hear rustling and commotion happening behind my desk. I look up, and freeze.  


	5. Chapter Four

None other than my irritable neighbour, Gilbert, drops his things onto the desk that is directly diagonal from mine. He sets down a Starbucks coffee cup and runs a hand through his hair, sighing. He doesn't seem to notice me.

Mr. Jones steps out of his office, a stern look on his face. "Beilschmidt." He says, walking up to Gilbert. "You're late.  _Again_." 

"So?" Gilbert asks, plopping into his seat.

"So that's the fourth time this month. You'd better shape up, or we'll be fishing for a new accountant soon." Mr. Jones snaps.

Gilbert rolls his eyes. "You can say that all you want, but we both know I'm the best accountant here."

"I can still fire you. Don't tempt me, Gilbert." Mr Jones snaps.

"Alright, well when you get the balls to actually let me go, give me a call." Gilbert says. He smirks and Kiku covers his mouth with his hand. 

" _Oooh_." Matthias grins.

Everyone seems to stifle a laugh as Gilbert leans back in his seat, triumphantly.

Mr. Jones crosses his arms over his chest. "Watch it, Beilschmidt." He says through gritted teeth before turning on his heel and walking back to his office.

"Good one." Ludwig says to Gilbert, chuckling. Gilbert smirks. His eyes shift on me and his expression quickly changes to an annoyed expression. 

"Hi." I say, trying to sound friendly. 

Gilbert locks his jaw. "Newbie, huh?" He asks Ludwig, his eyes still on me. 

Ludwig nods. "This is Roderich."

"I know, " Gilbert says coldly. "We've met."

Ludwig shifts his vision from Gilbert to me and back. He finally shrugs and turns in his chair to look at Feliciano.

I nod, quickly returning my attention to my manuscript. Why, of all places must we work at the same one? I hear him spinning in his chair and clicking his pen. Shouldn't he be working, at least? If he's so good at his job, why isn't he working? I have trouble concentrating on my work after that. How can Gilbert be so rude to everyone? His boss, who also happens to be the COO, threatened to fire him and he responded by insulting him. How much nerve does he honestly have?

Lunch rolls around and I follow Ludwig to the break room. 

He introduces me to everyone and goes to stand by Feliciano. He smiles.

"Nice to meet you." He says cheerfully. "Welcome to Kirkland."

"Thank you." I say. We chat for awhile longer as they eat lunch. I catch the lingering looks Ludwig gives Feliciano, trying to hide a smile. About fifteen minutes into lunch hour, Gilbert slides into the seat across from me, next to Ludwig. I shoot him a glare. I am done trying to be nice to him when all I get in return is rudeness. He doesn't notice my death look as he begins chatting with Ludwig.

Towards the middle of lunch, everyone watches intently as Tino pushes a jar of M&M's towards Matthias. I watch, amused as he pops in one after another.

"Twenty six... twenty seven..." Matthieu counts. Matthias suddenly starts shaking his head and puts his hands to his mouth. Everyone laughs and claps. 

"I cahn't," He says through a mouth full of candy. A few M&M's fall out of his mouth as he attempts to talk. A chorus of 'aww's' fills the room as Matthias sits back down, still shaking his head. Everyone returns to their normal conversations.

"So, Roderich," Feliciano asks after a while. "Are you seeing anyone?"

I snap up, realising I'm being talked to. I feel Ludwig and Gilbert's eyes on me.

"Yes.." I say.

"Who's the girl?" Feli asks, nudging me.

"Her name is Natalia." I speak. "She's a medical intern."

"Wow." Laura says. "Sounds hot." She laughs.

"Yeah..." I say. "She's great."

"Only an intern?" I look up to see Gilbert's teasing glare on me.

"She's putting herself through medical school." I defend Natalia.

"And how old is she?" Gilbert crosses his arms over his chest and leans back, taunting me with his deep crimson eyes.

"She's twenty-two."

"A little young for you, yes?"

"No."

"Three years age difference."

"How would _you_  know?" I snap.

Gilbert smirks. "Have you forgotten that I'm an accountant?"

I clench my jaw. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I had your file on my desk this morning," He says, playing with the top of his soda can. "I had to set up your account with the company." He meets my gaze teasingly. "I know more about you than you think."

I stand from the table. "I think I'm going to get back to work." I tell Ludwig, Feliciano and Eduard. 

_I know more about you than you think._

What the hell is that suppose to mean?

I decided I need some air and ride the flat down to the lobby. I still have twenty minutes of lunch so I decide to call Natalia. I stand outside in the small courtyard in the back of the building and dial Natalia's number, running a hand through my hair, the cool London air soothing my fiery temper.

"Roderich, I wasn't expecting your call," Natalia answers. "Aren't you at work?"

"It's my lunch break," I tell her. "I just felt like talking to you." 

"Oh." A pause. "So how's it going so far?"

"Alright, I mean, I love the job but-"

"Roderich, I wish I could talk longer but there's a man with an inflamed appendix here-"

"Right. Sorry, catch up with you later." I hang up. Wasn't she on call last night? Why should she have to work today, too? 

 _'It's a demanding job'_ I remind myself. ' _She'll make time for you._ ' I sit down on a small bench off to the side and watch the gardener mow the patch of grass. The smell of freshly cut grass invades my senses. I hear footsteps on the pavement and look up to see Kiku, one of the other editors. 

"Hi." His voice is shy. "Lunch break is almost over, I saw you exit the building hurriedly."

I stand. "So sorry."

"No, don't apologise, Gilbert can be a real piece of work sometimes. Don't mind him."

We walk back inside together.

"Why is he so rude?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "I don't know him too well.

I nod. "I see."

"I'm sorry you have to sit so close to him though. The only reason Ludwig doesn't switch desks is because he's Gilbert's brother." Kiku says. "I'm sure if you talked to Mr. Jones, he'd let you move workspaces."

I shake my head. "No, it's only my first day, I'm sure I'll be fine."

We ride the lift up. I've managed to keep it secret that Gilbert and I are neighbours. I wonder if he's told anyone. I hope not. I don't need some sort of rumour to fly among the office.

I sit back at my desk and do my best to ignore Gilbert's smirks. He spins in his chair and stares at the ceiling for the rest of the day, not seeming to do an ounce of work. At sixteen hundred, I gather my things and walk out with Ludwig.

"Where is your place at?" Ludwig asks me.

"A few blocks down," I answer. "I wanted a place in the centre."

"Ah," Ludwig says.

"What about you?"

"I'm more of downtown." Ludwig replies. "I guess it's not that far a drive, and the expenses are lower over there."

I nod. "I heard downtown is very nice."

"Yeah, they've got many parks. They're a nice place to read, I guess." He stops, walking at a grey car. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow," He says, unlocking the car. "It was nice meeting you, Roderich."

"As well." I say, smiling. I'm glad that I can now think of Ludwig as an acquaintance. I make my way to my car. I hope I don't run into Gilbert at our building. If I had known we would be neighbours, I wouldn't have moved into that particular building.

 I walk into my flat, hanging my keys on the key holder. My first day at Kirkland was great on some levels, and tedious on others. Maybe Kiku is right. Maybe I should request a different workspace. I've always been a tolerant person, I don't like confrontations and I don't like fighting. I sigh and begin to make myself some dinner.

 At around twenty hundred, there's a knock on my door. I stop playing my piano, Fredric Chopin, Nocturne Op.9 No.2, and go answer.

I clench my jaw at Gilbert's presence. How many times do I have to see him in one day?

"State your business." I glare at him.

"Whoa there," He says. "No need to PMS."

I narrow my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. "I am certainly not a woman. Now, what is it that you want?"

"Your mail got put into my mailbox." He says, handing me a stack of letters. "Don't let it happen again."

"How is this  _my_ fault?" I ask, taking the letters. "I am not the one who placed them there."

"Yeah, well, you moved here!" He snaps.

I don't waste my time as I slam the door in his face, with the lack of a better comeback.

I place my mail onto the kitchen counter. I decide to go to bed early. All of Gilbert's antics are beginning to annoy me. At work, he was taunting me, and now, he's just plain out rude. I don't think I've seen him smile since we've met, except when he teases and taunts me. I turn out the light and bury myself in my blankets. I hope everyday isn't as stressful as this one.


	6. Chapter Five

I walk into Mr. Jones, or how he prefers me to call him, Alfred's office Wednesday afternoon and hand him an edited manuscript. He flips through it, a smile spreads on his face. 

"Wow, Roderich." He says. "I didn't expect you to be done editing this until tomorrow, at least."

I smile. Proud swelling inside me. "I work fast." I say.

"I hope it's as well edited as it is prompt." He looks at me.

"I don't think you'll be disappointed."

"Confident. You're making a good impression on me, mister Edelstein." 

"Thank you."

"I'll go over this and get back to you as soon as I can." He says. 

I nod and exit his office.

I decide to reward myself for finishing my first manuscript by stopping at the break room to get a soda. 

I open the fridge and peruse the racks, settling on Diet Coke. I hum quietly to myself as I shut the fridge, turning to see Gilbert leaning against it as I shut the door. I flench my eyes closed from freight and drop my soda on the floor. 

Gilbert smirks.

"Why would you do such a childish act?" I snap at him as I bend down to retrieve my soda.

"Because you're very unsuspecting." He replies.

I grimace and sigh.

I squeeze past him and walk out of the break room. Unfortunately, he catches up to me. 

"Congrats on finishing your first manuscript." He says.

I glare at him.

"A thank you would suffice."

"Don't you have work to do?" I ask and turn to him, annoyed.

"Sure I do."

"Then go do it." I say through gritted teeth.

"I'd rather not." He says, his eyes twinkling with mischief. 

I roll my eyes. "How do you even keep your job?"

"Ah," He says, taking my soda from me and tapping his finger on the top. "I'm damn good at it."

I snatch my soda back. "Arrogant, much?"

"No, just accurate."

I huff and walk away, making my way back to my desk. I slide into my seat and put my head in my hands, thoroughly annoyed with Gilbert and his teasing. Gilbert's wide smile doesn't diminish as he gets into his own seat.

"You don't want to open that soda yet, specs, it'll explode from the fall." He says.

"Be quiet." I snap and open the manuscript I got from Alfred earlier.

This seems to amuse Gilbert more as he spins in his chair, a current of air being blown out from his lips in boredom. Kiku hands him a paper across his desk and he picks it up, his eyes trailing over it.

"You've  _got_ to be  _kidding_ me," He says, jolting from his seat. The paper wrinkles in his fists as he marches to Mr. Jones' office. The door slams behind him.

"What did the paper say?" Ludwig asks Kiku.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." He replies. "Just the budget cut percentage the company has to make."

I shrug it off and eye my soda, deciding to wait a little longer to open it.

A few moments later, a distinct yelling is heard from Mr. Jones office.

"These cuts are too big! If we make them now, the company will be out of money in three years, we can afford smaller cuts!" I recognise Gilbert's thick accent.

"This is the smarter route in the long term, we'll make the money back by the end of the year and it will be fine. You don't know what you're talking about-"

"Do you want to be out of money in three years? That's three more years for all of us, then we'll be laid off!"

"How do you know your calculations are accurate?"

There is a pause. "I'm taking this to Kirkland."

"Beilschmidt-"

Gilbert bursts out of the office, cheeks pink with anger. We all watch as he storms past Irunya's desk and into the elevator.

Ludwig chuckles. "Gilbert and his temper."

"Why is so angry over budget cuts?" I ask. "It seems so petty." 

Ludwig shrugs. "He's very concerned about his job."

I snort. "It does not seem that way."

"He may not be on task most of the time, but he's damn smart. He barely needs a calculator for anything. He's sort of a math whiz." 

This news shocks me. Gilbert doesn't seem like the type of person to be a 'math whiz.' I turn back to my manuscript and click open my editing pen. 

Fifteen hundred rolls around and Gilbert still isn't back. He's been away for a good hour and a half. It makes me wonder what's happening.

"Mister Edelstein." Mr. Jones, Alfred calls from his office.

I cautiously stand from my desk and walk up to him.

"The manuscript you edited was fantastic!" He says. "I'd like the CEO to read it for the final say before we begin publishing. Do you mind taking it to Mr. Kirkland two floors up? Usually Laura does it when we have all the manuscripts edited for the week but I do believe he'd like to meet you."

I nod. He smiles and hands me the folder. I try to shake off the jitters inside of me as I walk into the lift. The lift dings at my destination and I stiffen. 

I walk into the office of Mr. Kirkland, a receptionist greeting me.

"Roderich Edelstein." I say. "Mr. Jones sent me here."

She nods. "I do believe mister Beilschmidt is still with him, mind you waiting?"

"It'll be quick, I will just be dropping off a document."

She purses her lips. "Alright, go on in." She buzzes me in.

As I walk down the hall, I hear Gilbert's loud voice. I swallow as I knock lightly on the door and enter the office. 


	7. Chapter Six

Gilbert leans across the desk, palms flat on the surface as he speaks to a distinguished man sitting in a chair behind the desk. His face is stoic as Gilbert steps away, eyes dilating in confusion when he sees me. 

"Ah," The man behind the desk says. "You must be Roderich." He smiles. "Arthur Kirkland, CEO of Kirkland Publishing." He stands and walks over to me, hand outstretched.

I shake it tentatively, trying to ignore Gilbert's intense glare. "It's a pleasure." I say.

"No," Mr. Kirkland says. "I believe the pleasure is mine." He seems to be relieved I rescued him from Gilbert and his shouting.

"Mr. Jones directed me to drop off this manuscript I edited." I tell him, handing him the folder.

"Of course." He opens it. "Let's talk about it, shall we?" 

"Mr. Kirkland," Gilbert's interjects. "We aren't finished speaking-"

"What's done is done, Mr. Beilschmidt, there's nothing you can do about it." Mr. Kirkland sighs.

" _Yes,_ there is." Gilbert says. "They is a simple solution-"

"I'm sorry," Mr. Kirkland says. "What's done, is done."

Gilbert's cheeks flush. "With all due respect, Mr. Kirkland, are you out of your damn mind?!"

I tense my jaw at the way Gilbert is speaking to his superior. It was one thing with Mr. Jones, but this seems to be taking it to a whole new level.

"Go back to work, Beilschmidt."

"I won't go back to work until these budget cuts are reduced by  _at least_ six percent."

"You may be the best damn accountant we've got, Beilschmidt, but I can still bloody fire you!" Mr. Kirkland shouts.

Gilbert swallows, his adams apple bobbing up and down. "Look, I know I'm a slacker. I know I don't get a lot done, but you need to listen to me about these cuts, Kirkland, because if you don't, this company is going  _down_." Gilbert takes one last look at Mr. Kirkland before turning and leaving the office.

Mr. Kirkland sighs, shaking his head and sitting back at his desk. "Two hours," He says. "New record."

"He comes here often?" I ask, taking a seat as indicated by Arthur.

"Oh, at least twice a quarter. Has a complaint of some sort on how this company is run." Mr. Kirkland shuffles some papers around his desk. He reads over one paper and shakes his head. I sit silently as he arranges and rearranges the multiple papers on his desk, still shaking his head. "I hate to admit it, but he might be right."

I shift in my seat. "Everyone says he's the best accountant," I say. "Maybe you should try listening to him?" I have no idea why I'm aiding Gilbert here, but if it's for the good of the company,  _(not to mention my job)_ I might as well.

Mr. Kirkland shuffles some more papers and reads a few. He clenches his jaw.

"Damn it," He curses under his breath. He presses a button on the telephone placed on his desk. "Get Beilschmidt back in here." 

Within seconds, Gilbert burst through the door, breathless. "You called me back?" He asks, hopeful.

"I thought about what you said." Mr. Kirkland huffs. "And you may be right."

Relief washes over Gilbert's face before it's replaced with a smug grin. "Thank you."

"You can thank Roderich here for giving me a second thought about it." Mr. Kirkland says. Gilbert's eyes flash on me and I look down.

"Well," Gilbert says. "Thank you, Mr. Kirkland. You won't regret this decision, you'll save loads of money."

Mr. Kirkland nods and Gilbert exits the room, looking at me one last time.

As I hear the door shut, I rise to my feet. "I should probably get going," I say. "It was a pleasure meeting you." Mr. Kirkland rises as well.

"Likewise, mister Edelstein. I look forward to seeing more of your work if this manuscript is as fantastically edited as Mr. Jones says." He smiles at me.

I nod and thank him before walking out of the office. I notice that it is past sixteen hundred and time to go home. I don't know where the time went.

I hurry back to my desk and gather my belongings. I grab my folder with all the jumbled pages inside and sigh, running a free hand through my hair. I bid Laura goodbye and take the lift down to the first level. It doesn't surprise me to see Gilbert leaning against the front door of the building. His eyes find mine and he pockets his phone, standing up straight. I break eye contact with him as I walk past, ignoring him.

"Roderich." He calls after me, falling into step alongside me.

I look up at him for a second then turn back down.

"Why did you help me?"

I stop walking, turning to look at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"You convinced Kirkland to side with me. Why?"

I look down. "I want to have my job for more than three years."

Gilbert tenses his jaw. "I could have convinced him on my own."

"Obviously you could not."

"What I'm saying is that I don't need your help." He snaps.

"Why don't you just thank me?" I huff, getting annoyed with his attitude.

"Because I didn't even ask for your help."

"Oh Gilbert, you are a real piece of work. Next time you have no luck on trying to save the company, do not expect me to nudge in." I continue walking, anger flowing through my body.

"It was for the good of your job, too!" He shouts after me.

"I wish it wasn't good for  _your_ job because you do nothing but get on my nerves!" I yell back, yanking open my car door and sliding inside. I back out of the lot as fast as I can so I won't run into Gilbert at our building, rolling down the window a tad to try and soothe my temper.


	8. Chapter Seven

Natalia leans against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest. "So when did you start again?" She asks me.

"Monday. I don't think I've ever been so anxious in my life." I pick up my other shoe and slide it on.

"I remember my first day as an intern," Natalia says. "It was nerve wrecking at the first job but I just adapted."

"Hmm." I know my job is nothing like hers, but I don't say anything.

"Our reservations are at eighteen hundred, Roddy, we're going to be late." Natalia taps her watch, sending me a teasing glance. 

"I know, sorry, let me just," I grab my black tie and tie it on. "Alright, let's go, would you like to take my vehicle?"

"Let's take mine Roddy, I owe you after all."

Natalia smiles and I follow her out of the apartment, locking the door behind me. It's Saturday night, Natalia's day off. I'm glad I get to spend time with her before I go back to work. The rest of the week went by pretty fast, Ludwig and I talk most every day. I enjoy talking to Feliciano and Eduard, too. I've done my best to ignore Gilbert, and from how the last week went, he's been ignoring me too. 

We get into Natalia's car and I lean back in the passengers seat. The night is crisp, but not too cold. The sun is sinking below the horizon, streaking the sky with orange and pink, stars peaking through the wispy clouds. 

"Chilly out," Natalia comments as we drive along.

"Yes," I say. "How cold does it usually get in the winter?"

"Depends." She says. "Sometimes we get snow but not always. It does get pretty close to freezing, though."

I shiver. "I hope the flat has good heating."

Natalia chuckles. "Yeah."

The rest of the drive is silent as I look out the window, watching the city lights.

"London is beautiful at night." I muse.

"Mhmm." Natalia drums her fingertips on the steering wheel as we stop at a red light. Her blonde hair is braided and tops it off with a pink bow and her blue-violet eyes focus on the road. She wears a pink short dress with white lace designs and pink one-inch heels.

"So, where are we going?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"A nice place near uptown London." She tells me. "The river is beautiful at night."

I nod. I very much dislike how Natalia and I always seem to run out of things to talk about. I open my mouth to say something else but Natalia beats me to it.

"Here we are." She says, pulling the car to stop. I close my mouth and get out of the car, following her up to the restaurant.

The hostess seats us by the window and I marvel the river. The water laps the banks calmly and I can see lights from buildings on the other side of the river. Natalia doesn't give it a second glance as she peruses the menu.

I open my menu and skim down the list. I notice all the delicacies and desserts and the prices. I won't make Natalia pay any, she works hard after all and I have the money to pay the bill. Just as we're about to order, Natalia's phone buzzes. She picks it up at lighting speed, her eyes scanning the screen.

"Shit." She says.

"What?"

"I have to go in. One of the other interns got sick. Go figure." She half smiles. "Can I get a rain check?"

I look at her and tense up. "Natalia, how am I supposed to get to the flat?"

"I'm really sorry Roddy, I'll make it up to you, I swear. I just really have to go," She gathers her things and begins to stand.

"Natalia-"

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

I loosen up. "Okay."

Natalia's eyes soften. "Roddy, don't be upset."

"Saturday was supposed to be your night off."

"I can't help it if they need me at the hospital," She says. "What if someone is dying and they need my help?"

I sigh. "My apologises."

She smiles and leans over to kiss me lightly on the lips. "I'll see you tomorrow." She says. I watch as she quickly makes her way through the restaurant and out the doors without a second look back.

I cross my arms over my chest. How am I suppose to get to the flat? I can't help but be upset at Natalia for this. Don't they have other interns to call? I gather my things and get up to leave. I apologise to the hostess and walk outside, breathing in the cool air.

I lean against the wall and decide to watch people before I call someone to pick me up. It's not like I know anyone that well around here. I suppose I could call Ludwig. I'm sure he'd help if he isn't busy.

I sigh. Sometimes Natalia is just insensitive.

 _"Stop it,"_ I say in my head.  _"She's a medical intern. These things are going to happen."_

My eyes travel to the pub across the street. I can hear music pounding from inside and hearty laughs emitting from drunken people. _  
_

I watch as someone walks out of the pub, hands in their pockets. I squint. Oh no. I quickly turn to go back into the restaurant, but I'm too late.

"Roderich!"


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

I slowly turn and meet the eyes of Gilbert as he crosses the street. A smirk is painted on his lips as he walks up to me.

I clench my jaw. "Hi." I say coldly.

"What are you doing out here all alone?" His tone is taunting.

I cross my arms over my chest. "I do not need your nonsense right now," I say. "So if you could leave me alone, that'll be ideal." 

Gilbert's smirk grows. "Where's Dr. Girlfriend?" He asks, ignoring me.

"She is an intern." I snap and lock my jaw, realising I just hurt my own case.

"Right. How could I forget." Gilbert's gaze teases me.

"Right," I say under my breath. "Leave me alone please."

"Something tells me you need a ride home, Roddy."

"Don't call me that!" I step up.

"What? Roddy? or do you prefer specs? Or better, little master." Of course he'd know how to mock me. 

"Stop that." I say.

"I personally like Roddy."

"Go away."

"Come on, Roddy, I'll give you a ride. But that means you'll have to owe me."

"I am not riding home with you."

"Alright, then who's your ride?"

"Ludwig." I lie.

"Bullshit." Gilbert says. "Lud won't be able to pick you up."

"Why not?"

"He's.." He trails off, breaking my gaze. "He's busy." His demeanour shifts. I tilt my head, curiosity swelling inside me.

"How do you know I even need a ride?" I retort.

Gilbert looks back at me grinning. "I can tell."

I huff.

"Come on." He says, turning to cross the street again. When I don't move, he looks back over his shoulder. "Or, you could stay here in the cold."

I know my options are limited, and I'd rather choke myself with all of Matthias M&M's than spend time with Gilbert, but I roll my eyes and follow him across the street anyways. He half smiles when he sees I'm following him. We walk into the parking lot of the pub and stop at a sleek black Jaguar F-Type convertible with the hood on. Gilbert unlocks it and I get into the passengers seat, looking out the window as he starts the car. His vehicle is surprisingly clean, with the new car smell still lingering. A sweatshirt is draped over the passenger seat, and Gilbert tosses it to the back.

"So, let me guess." Gilbert says as he backs out of the lot. "Doctor Girl stood you up."

I roll my eyes. " _Incorrect_."

"Or did she leave in the middle of dinner? Shit, that's heartless." He smirks at my clenched jaw.

"You would know."

"I'm offended," He says in mock hurt. "You think I'm heartless."

"Considering the first time we met, you told me to keep the noise level down when I was doing no such thing." 

Gilbert half smiles. "It was for future reference."

" _Of course_."

"Your file was very interesting," Gilbert says, changing the subject. "Native to Austria, yes?"

"I refuse to talk to you."

"I'm doing you a favour here, Roddy." He seems satisfied with that fact that I'm in his car.

"Stop calling me that."

"No, I don't think I will, Roddy."

I roll my eyes.

"My question was," Gilbert continues. "Why did you move to London from a great city like Vienna?"

"That is none of your concern."

"I surely hope you didn't move here because of Doctor Girl." Gilbert lightly laughs at the nickname he's given Natalia.

"Her name is Natalia."

"You sound harsh." Gilbert's eyes mock me.

Gilbert hums quietly and drums his fingers on the steering wheel, much like Natalia does. City lights pass by as we drive along, casting a glow onto the car.

"Why do you act so disrespectful towards me?" I ask out of the blue.

"Disrespectful?"

"Correct, you very much mock me."

"Wow, you sure use a tone of intelligence, Roddy." He winks at me and I scowl.

"Please, I mean it. Stop calling me that."

"I think it has a nice ring to it."

"I disagree."

"Does Dr. Natalia call you Roddy?"

"Stop your name calling with Natalia."

"I'm not calling her anything bad."

"Quiet contrary."

"Oh take it down a notch, little master." Gilbert says, rolling his eyes teasingly.

I grimace at the pet name he's given me. I hate that he knows so much about me from my file. If only I could get a hold of his file, our roles could be reversed. I almost smile at the thought.

"Well, here we are, Roddy." Gilbert says as he pulls into the lot of our building.

"Wonderful." I get out of the vehicle and hastily begin walking into the building.

"What, no thank you?" Gilbert asks, jogging a bit to catch up to me.

"I don't think so."

"I did save your ass."

"From what?"

"The drunks at the pub." He says, smirking for the millionth time tonight.

"I am a man and can fend for myself, thank you."

Gilbert laughs. "A little princess like you?  _Please_." 

I press the button on the lift with my thumb. "I am not a  _little princess_."

"Yes you are. What are you, an aristocrat?"

"An Austrian." I snap. "Do not call me names."

"Sorry. Most aristocrats dress exactly like you."

We step into the elevator. I tap my foot with impatience. I just want to get to the flat and away from Gilbert.

"You know, you don't _have_ to be so frigid. I  _am_ trying to be nice." Gilbert says.

"This is your idea of kindness?" I huff.

"Yes. I don't give too many car rides to people, you know."

"I guess I'm lucky then." I roll my eyes and press the button to the fifth level.

"Yes, you are." Gilbert agrees, ignoring my sarcasm.

The lift begins to move and I cross my arms across my chest.

"Honestly, what really happened with Dr. Natalia tonight? You didn't look so happy out there by yourself." Gilbert says.

"It is simply because I was forced to talk to  _you_."

"Come on, Roddy, you can tell me."

I sigh. "If I tell you, will you be quiet already?"

Gilbert smiles, amused at my response. "Gladly."

"Well.. she had to leave because one of the other interns got sick and she had to fill in." I chew on my lip.

Gilbert stares at me for a moment before bursting into laughter.

I roll my eyes. I knew I shouldn't have told him.

"Oh god, that's good." He gasps between laughs. "A  _medical_ intern got  _sick_? Oh, the irony!"

"Stop." The lift dings and I step out, briskly walking down the hall.

"I'm sorry, you don't find that funny _at all_?" Gilbert asks, following me down the hall. "Not in the  _least_ bit?"

"No." I snap, taking my keys out of my back pocket.

"You really are frigid." Gilbert says, shaking his head.

"And you're really inconsiderate." I retort, twisting the key in the lock and stepping into my flat.

"See you at work!" Gilbert laughs as I slam the door shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX


	10. Chapter Nine

I walk into work on Monday dreading to see Gilbert.

It seems like all he wants to do is annoy me, which isn't difficult to realise. I wish we never met.

Surprisingly, Gilbert is already at his desk when I arrive.

"Late." He says, spinning in his chair. He always seems to do that.

"I am not late." I say.

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"I'm not doing this nonsense with you." I sit down at my desk, opening my manuscript.

"How many pages?" Ludwig asks, leaning over his desk.

I flip to the back. "Two hundred five."

"Not bad."

"How about you?"

"One sixty six."

"Ah. Care to trade?" I smirk.

"You wish." Ludwig grins, sliding back into his chair.

I smile and focus on my work. I click my red pen open and begin making notes in the margins. I sip my coffee on and off as I make edits in the story.

I'm so immersed in my work that I barely notice when I' hit with a paper ball.

And then another.

I finally look up after five hit me. Gilbert smirks, crumpling up another paper, ready to throw. He brings his arm back and tosses it, nailing me on my arm. I narrow my eyes at him.

"Quit." I clench my jaw.

"I was aiming for the trash can, I swear."

"Then get it in the trash can." I say through gritted teeth.

"If I could, I would. I'm a terrible shot."

"Find something productive to do." I snap.

"Like what?"

"Work."

Gilbert throws back his head and laughs like I have just told him the funniest joke in the world. "That's almost as laughable as the sick medical intern."

I exhale slowly and angrily, looking back down at my manuscript. Gilbert is hot and cold. Sometimes, he'll be like this, annoying me very much, or, he'll snap at me. Talk about bipolar. Another paper ball hits me and I snap, grabbing it from my desk and hurling it back at him. It hits him right in the face and everyone around us bursts into laughter. I put a hand over my mouth. I never thought I was a good aim, but karma proved me wrong. Gilbert's cheeks flush and Ludwig laughs. Laura wipes tears from her eyes and Lovino high fives me. I lean back in my seat smugly, feeling powerful. I raise my eyebrow at Gilbert, challenging him to throw another one.

"Lucky shot." He snaps, leaning over his desk and picking up a pen.

"Hmm." I turn back to my own work. Moments later, another paper ball hits me and I scowl. I'm about to throw it back again when I notice blue ink on it.

I open up the paper, smoothing it out.

 _'You'll pay for that.'_ it says in block handwriting. It's surprisingly neat. I didn't expect Gilbert's handwriting to be so clean. 

I click my pen open and scrawl a reply.

_"You deserve it, you know.'_

I toss it back and he catches it with one hand.

It lands on my desk a second later.

_'Watch it, Roddy.'_

I grimace and toss the paper into the trash. I  _can't_ stand him calling me that pet name. The only people I allow to call me Roddy are my family and Natalia. No exceptions; at least, since what happened between my father and I. I hate it that Gilbert _knows_ it sets me off. He knows all he has to do is call me 'Roddy' or 'specs' and he'll automatically win. I wish I knew something about him to taunt him with, as sick as that sounds.

I lose myself in work the rest of the day, managing to ignore Gilbert's teasing. He reminds me of the boys that would make paper aeroplanes and fly them around just to annoy the girls in second grade. So basically, he acts like a child in primary school. 

The weather seems to get colder by the day. I shiver in my coat and turn on the heat in my car. My cheeks and nose are rosy red from the cold.

I toss my keys onto the kitchen counter when I get home, sighing. Natalia hasn't contacted me since last night. I don't want to seem like a clingy boyfriend, but she should have at least called me, right?

I pick up my phone and dial her number, then hang up. It takes me straight to voicemail. 

I turn up the thermostat and make myself some tea. I sit at my piano and start playing, taking sips from my tea that is placed carefully near the keys here and there.

Before I know it, I'm falling asleep. I get up, place the cup in the sink and get to my bedroom, making sure to brush my teeth before I go into my sleepwear and going to sleep. I had no idea how tired I was. It must be Gilbert and all his antics making me this exhausted. I decide to ignore him from now on and just focus on my work. Maybe if he sees he won't get a rise out of me, he'll stop bothering me so much. 

One can only hope.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

I cross my arms over my chest at Natalia. It's been an entire week since she left me in the middle of our date, and she's barely answered or called me. To say I'm upset is an understatement. She smiles at me apologetically. 

"Care to explain yourself?" I ask, standing straight and still. 

"I know you're probably mad at me to the max, Roddy, but I've been swamped. Flu season is starting, you know."

I sigh. "I guess I just feel like you don't make time for me."

Natalia's eyes soften and she takes my hand. "I'll try harder. I promise. Soon I'll be on break and we can spend everyday together."

I smile makes it's way to my lips. "Okay." I say meekly and pull Natalia into a hug, kissing her cheek.

I hear rustling and I open my eyes over Natalia's shoulder to meet vivid crimson ones. I pull away from Natalia quickly.

Gilbert grins, dropping his keys into his pocket. "Afternoon, Roddy." He says.

Natalia looks between Gilbert and I, and back again.

Gilbert looks at Natalia and his smile grows. "You must be Natalia." He says. "I'm Gilbert." He reaches out to shake Natalia's hand. "I've heard  _so_ much about you."

I internally cringe. Natalia shakes Gilbert's hand.

"And I've heard nothing about you.." Natalia shifts her gaze to me.

"Roderich and I work together and we also happen to be neighbours. Isn't that right, specs?"

I look at Natalia. After a successful week of ignoring Gilbert, I'd thought he had gotten the message that I don't want to associate with him.

"Oh," Natalia says. "Very nice."

"So I hear you're a medical intern."

_Oh god._

"Yes." Natalia answers.

"That's very interesting."

I look away from Natalia.

"What sort of work do you do?"

"Anywhere they need help, really."

"Ever do any work on the heart?"

"No, actually. I'm not interested in cardiology."

"I thought you said you worked anywhere they needed help."

"I do, but I haven't worked on the heart. Not yet, anyways."

"I see."

"What do you do?"

"I work in accounting."

"Wow."

"You do not work," I interject. "You just find ways to bother me."

Natalia looks at Gilbert. "He bothers you?" She asks me, her tone cold.

"No, not like that, Natalia. He throws papers at me, though."

Gilbert smiles crookedly.

Natalia looks at me. "Well, we have a place to be, so I'll see you around, Gilbert."

"Alright, have a good night." I'm surprised by Gilbert's friendliness. 

I take Natalia's hand and we begin to walk down the hall.

"Oh, Roderich,"

I turn and look at Gilbert, Natalia stopping as well.

"If anything should come up, I'd be glad to give you a ride again." Gilbert smirks, his eyes mean.

I blush.

"What does he mean?" Natalia asks.

"Nothing." I snap. I tug Natalia's arm and we get into the lift, the doors dinging shut.

I'm admittedly furious at Gilbert. How dare he say that in front of Natalia? I can only imagine what Natalia is thinking.

Dinner goes smoothly and Natalia drops me home and we kiss at the door. She hasn't asked me about what Gilbert said to her before we left and for that, I'm glad. We say goodbyes, she smiles at me and I kiss her cheek before she starts walking down the hall. She stops and looks back at me.

"Roderich, do me a favour?"

"Of course."

"Stay away from Gilbert."

Her request takes me by surprise. "What?"

"I don't trust him. Just, keep your distance, alright?"

My face flushes. Does she think he  _likes_ me like _that_? I am not homosexual, but, I simply nod. "I do not like him anyway, and please, Natalia, don't think ill of me."

Natalia nods and smiles. "Alright, see you soon, Roddy."

I watch her get into the lift and the doors shut. As soon as she's out of sight, I storm across the hall and pound on Gilbert's door.

Gilbert opens the door, astonished at my intensity. "Roderich?"

"How dare you put it that way, telling her you gave me a ride! She thinks you and I are  _gay, together_!"

Gilbert half smiles. "It was just an offer, Roddy, no need to get pissy."

" _God_ , stop calling me Roddy!" _  
_

Gilbert folds his arms over his chest. "And if I don't?" He challenges.

I take a breath. "Then.. then..."

He smiles coolly.

"You're such an _asshole_ , Gilbert. You go out of your way to make me crazy and I'm sick of it. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

He steps back, his eyes flashing at my words. Anger quickly engulfs his features. "Alright. I'll leave you alone, Roderich. But I'll tell you something; Natalia is hiding something."

"What do you know?! And why do you even care?!" I ball my hands into fists. "Natalia will never hurt me!"

"Oh, please, I could care less if Natalia fucking hurts you."

Something inside me deflates. He's so disdainful, it shocks me. I turn and walk back into my apartment, slowly shutting the door behind me.

_I could care less if Natalia fucking hurts you._

Good. I wouldn't need Gilbert if Natalia hurt me, anyway.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

The more I encounter Gilbert, the more I realise Natalia is right. I should stay away from him. However, living across from him doesn't help. I walk down the hall to my apartment, looking for my keys in my work binder.

It was a long day at work today. I finished editing two manuscripts and I'm exhausted. Feliciano and Ludwig were flirting the whole lunch hour and I just wanted to take their heads and smash them together already. It's painfully obvious how much they like each other.

When I can't find my keys in the binder, I look through papers and keep checking. I check throughout the whole binder but to no avail. _I've lost my keys._ I find my car keys, of course, but not my flat key. Just my luck. I go on my phone to find the number of the buildings locksmith and dial the number. The locksmith informs me he will be here in about twenty minutes and I thank him before hanging up. I pace outside the flat, trying to think of a way to pass the time. 

Just as I'm about to go down to my car to go out to dinner perhaps, the door to Gilbert's flat opens and he steps out.

Of course.

"Roddy," He greets me. "I thought I heard you out here."

"I'll keep the noise level down." I snap, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning against my door.

"Locked out?" He asks, humour in his eyes. He wears a plaid flannel and jeans; he must have changed out of his work clothes. A cocky smile is painted on his lips.

"Yes." I grimace.

Gilbert bites his lip to keep from laughing and I roll my eyes.

"Go ahead, laugh." I say.

Gilbert shakes his head. "No, there is absolutely nothing funny about this." He tries to hide his smile, but fails and dimples pop into his cheeks. He has freckle?

I roll eyes again.

"Roddy, if you roll your eyes too much, they'll roll right out of your head." Gilbert says, He leans against his door, mirroring my stance.

"What do you want, anyways?" I ask.

Gilbert shrugs. "Thought you'd want some company out here."

"Your thought is incorrect."

"Lighten up, Roddy."

"Stop calling me R-"

"Nope."

I lock my jaw. "Can you leave me alone?"

"Nope."

"Why not?" I groan. Any company would be better than Gilbert's.

"Because this is too much fun."

"What, annoying the hell out of me?"

"No, counting how many times you roll your eyes."

As if to back him up, I roll my eyes without thinking and Gilbert laughs.

"Just, go back into your flat." I snap.

"Harsh."

"Well."

"Roddy, take a chill pill."

"No." I check the time on my phone, wondering where the hell the locksmith is.

"Want to play a game?"

"No."

"How about would you rather?"

"No."

"I'll start," Gilbert says, ignoring me. "Would you rather... fall off a cliff or be eaten by a tiger?"

"I am not participating."

"Personally, I would choose the cliff-"

"I do not care."

"-Because you won't necessarily die."

"Stop."

"Come on, Roddy, why don't you wanna play?"

"Because I dislike you." I say, my annoyance bubbling up.

Gilbert looks taken aback by my declaration. His eyes turn cold, his jaw clenching. "You really are so bitchy, you know that, Roderich?" He says.

I glare at him. "Maybe if you weren't an annoying jerk, I wouldn't be so  _bitchy."_

"Look, I was just trying to keep you company."

"No, you were just looking for an excuse to annoy me; as always. I know you by now, Gilbert."

Gilbert laughs dryly. "You know me by now? Guess again, Roddy." He turns on his heel and walks back into his flat, slamming the door behind him.

The locksmith come half an hour later. I complain and end up getting a discount. I thank the man after he unlocks the door and gives me another key and practically fall onto the couch with exhaustion from work and fighting with Gilbert. He has so much nerve.  _I strongly dislike him._


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

Gilbert eyes me from his desk, the red in his irises darker than usual. He chews on the end of his pen. I focus on my work. I'm still mad at him for what he aid to me last night. I suppose I may have been irritable as well, and I try to push the confrontation out of my head. I don't care what Gilbert thinks of me.

_Right?_

It is fourteen hundred and lunch break just ended. I ate with Feliciano, Ludwig, Kiku and Laura as usual. I settle into my desk and begin my work for the afternoon. A piece of paper coming from Laura's direction lands on my desk. I unfold it quietly.

 _'Why does G. Beilschmidt keep staring at you?_  '

I look up at Laura who raises his eyebrows. I shrug and toss the paper in the trash. I honestly don't know why he's staring at me. I had been trying my best to ignore it. A phone rings from the HR section in the office, and the quiet hum of work carries through the environment. Of course, aside from Gilbert, who continues to chew on his pen like his life depends on it. I circle an error in my manuscript, sighing. Suddenly, a loud sound emits from Gilbert's desk. I lift my gaze to him. He picks up his phone from the desk, eyes scanning across the screen.

 _"Shit."_ He breaths and quickly stands, grabbing his coat and packing his paraphernalia hurriedly. He doesn't give anyone a second glance as he walks into Mr. Jones office, shutting the door behind him.

"What was that about?" I ask Ludwig.

Ludwig shrugs, not looking at me.

Gilbert bursts out of Mr. Jones office and out the door, obviously in a hurry. Curiosity sparks inside of me. Since he knows so much about me from my damn file, shouldn't I be able to find out a few things about him? I purse my lips and collect my things.

I walk into Mr. Jones' office.

"Afternoon, Roderich." He greets me.

"Hello," I say. "I was wondering if I could leave early today? I have a doctors appointment." I'm shocked at how easily the lie rolls off my tongue.

"Sure, no problem."

"Thank you."

I turn and speed walk out of the office and into the elevator before I can psych myself out. I step out of the lift at the ground floor, my eyes sweeping the building for Gilbert. I see him step outside and I quickly follow, making sure I stay out of sight. If he sees me, I fail, and it will be embarrassing.

He walks past the parking lot and turns down the street, rounding the corner. I walk behind other people on the sidewalk, keeping my eyes on Gilbert. He ducks into a small alley off the street, looking around him cautiously. I step behind a tall man talking on the phone as Gilbert's eyes past where I am. Once he continues walking, I hurry into the alley, stepping behind a parked car. Gilbert walks up to a tall blonde, almost white, hair. He wears a violet scarf and brown boots. A boy with blonde hair and dark blue eyes stands next to him. Gilbert sticks his hands in his pockets, his expression hard. 

"I got your message." He says.

"Good." The man with the scarf says.

"I don't know what this is about, Ivan," Gilbert says. "I've been going over the numbers-"

"The numbers are going down, Beilschmidt, that's what this is about." The man, Ivan, snaps.

"I can't control what the numbers do," Gilbert says.

"No," Ivan says. "But you can monitor them so they don't get so low."

"I was dealing with something at Kirkland," Gilbert says. "They'll be up by next week."

"We've gone over this," Ivan says. "Us first, Kirkland second. You understand?"

"It won't happen again." Gilbert says.

"We're losing money, and fast. If you're as smart as you say you are, you'd better step up your damn game." Ivan says.

Gilbert clenches his jaw. It's odd for me to see Gilbert actually listening to someone for a change, he's usually so defiant and disobedient. The way he looks at the ground now makes him look so submissive.

Ivan and the other boy swiftly turn and start turning towards where I am. _This must be their car that I'm hiding behind._ My heart races and I rapidly move out of the alley, standing on the pavement and pulling out my phone, pretending to have been there the whole time.

The black car pulls out of the street, speeding away.

Gilbert exits the alley moments later. I turn around. If he sees me, it's over. 

I give it a few minutes and turn around slowly. Gilbert's gone. I sigh in relief and begin walking back to Kirkland to get my vehicle.

What was that whole encounter all about? Why did Gilbert act so weird? And what are the numbers? I hate feeling like a nosey child, but curiosity bursts like fireworks in my chest. But the way that man looked was so.. serious. What if this isn't fun and games? What if this is a dangerous thing that Gilbert is involved with? 

I finally make it back to Kirkland, locating the location of my car. I notice Gilbert's is already gone.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

I ignore Gilbert for the whole week.

Easier said than done, really. He sits five feet from me at work and lives across the hall. It's been a miracle that I haven't talked to him.

It's Friday afternoon and I'm in a good mood. I finished editing four manuscripts this week, having turned in my fourth one this morning; and Natalia is picking me up from work. I'm excited to see her. We've both been busy all week, so we finally get our night out tonight.

The afternoon that I followed Gilbert is still fresh in my mind. Every time I look at him, more and more questions fill my mind.  _Who are those guys? What are the numbers?_

I shouldn't care. But by the way Gilbert has been more reserved lately makes my mind run.

Fourteen hundred rolls around and everyone gathers their things to leave. I chat with Feliciano as we walk out.

"What are your plans for the weekend?" I ask him?

He shrugs. "Not a ton. Eat, sleep, repeat." He chuckles. "You?"

"I'm seeing Natalia tonight." I say.

A smudge grin appears on Feliciano's face. "Oh. Let's talk about it over coffee."

I flush. "No, we don't... we haven't...."

"Hmm." Feliciano smiles. "Still, we should have coffee. Does Sunday work?"

"Sunday is okay."

"Great, see you then." Feliciano unlocks his car and waves me goodbye.

I stake out the lot, but I don't see Natalia's car anywhere. I take a seat on a bench outside and pull my coat tightly around me. I check my phone from messages from Natalia, but there are none. I text her asking where she is, but no reply. Maybe she's driving. Maybe she forgot the address?

 _She'll be here,_  My mind insists.  _She promised._

Car after car pulls in and out of the lot, but not Natalia's. Mr. Kirkland nods to me as he walks out, phone against his ear. Even Irunya makes her way out, shooting me a smile. The autumn sky begins to dim, the air getting chillier. I exhale, my breath swirling in front of me.  _Where is she?_

I check my phone. No messages. 

I wait another fifteen minutes before calling her, only to get her voicemail.

I hang up and put my head in my hands, making sure my glasses don't fall. Why isn't she answering? She told me she'd pick me up. She took me this morning, so I don't really have a way to get to the flat. I guess I could walk, it's only about fifteen blocks. I take a deep breath, tears start to form.  _Doesn't Natalia care about me enough to pick me up from work?_

"Roderich?"

I look up to see none other than Gilbert standing in front of me, confusion written into his features. I remove my glasses for a second and slide a finger under my eyes and place them on again, straightening my posture. I shouldn't be upset over Natalia, I mean, she isn't my property, I can't force her to do things for me. 

"What is it?" I say softly.

Gilbert stares at me. "Are you alright?" His tone is soft and it baffles me. He's never spoken to me any way that isn't teasing or hurtful.

I frown.

"Why are you out here by yourself?" He asks when I don't answer.

"Natalia is coming to pick me up." I say. "And then we'll be going to dinner and a film."

Gilbert checks his phone for the time. "Roderich, it's nearly sixteen hundred." It's odd the here him call me by my name instead of pet names.

I look away, the wind picking up slightly. I hadn't noticed the grey clouds covering the sky. They look dark and angry.

"Roderich, it's going to rain. Natalia obviously isn't coming-"

"She's coming." I interrupt. "She _promised_."

Gilbert sighs. "Just let me drive you home."

I look back at him. His eyes are soft. I've never seen him so compassionate before, and it's a bit comforting.

Thunder booms in the distance. At this point, my choices are limited. I either ride home with Gilbert or get rained on.

I rise from the bench, holding my binder close. Gilbert exhales and turns to lead me to his car.

I slide into the passenger's seat, the leather seat's freezing cold. Gilbert turns on the heat and backs out of the lot. 

"Why are you doing this?" I ask as we drive along.

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you being kind to me?"

"I couldn't just leave you there."

"Why? You hate me anyway."

Gilbert half smiles. "I don't hate you."

"If you feel bad for me, please don't, I don't need your pity." 

Gilbert shakes his head. "Oh, you aristocrats." He says. "The world always revolves around you."

I cross my arms over my chest. "Are you calling me a narcissist? And what does being an aristocrat have to do with anything?"

"No." He says. "I'm just saying, every time something out of your control happens, you always assume someone's feeling bad for you."

I look out the window as rain begins to fall. I think about Natalia.  _Why didn't she pick me up?_  
My chest aches.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"What?"

"Why are you in England? You're clearly not English."

"What is that suppose to mean? 'Clearly not English?'"

"You have a different accent."

Gilbert laughs. "So do you. I moved here four years ago."

"Why?"

He shrugs. "Wanted to try England on for size, I guess." He doesn't meet my gaze.

"So then.. where are you from?"

"I have a different accent." He mocks me.

I crack a smile. "No, I mean where in the Germanic territory."

He shakes his head, shrugging. "You've never heard of it."

I narrow my eyes. "Let's see."

"Prussia."

"Oh." I smirk.

"You don't know where that is, do you?"

"Actually, I do."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes. A dissolved kingdom, now East Germany."

He raises an eyebrow, clearly impressed. "Not bad, Roddy." He says.

And we're back.

"Please don't call me Roddy." I say, for what feels like, the thousand time.

"Why do you hate it so much? It's nice."

"I don't  _hate_ it. I just dislike it coming from you."  _I hate when you say it, it reminds me of the darkest time of my life._

"I see." He smirks. "So you prefer specs then?"

"No." I say immediately and Gilbert laughs. It's the first time I've ever seen him really laugh, and it's a nice sight. His eyes squint up and his dimples carve into his cheeks.

I hadn't realised I was staring and I quickly avert my eyes. Gilbert notices and smiles wider.

"Honestly, though," He says. "You seemed pretty upset back there. Is everything alright?"

I roll my eyes. "I wouldn't tell you even if you were the last person on earth."

"Harsh, specs."

"Stop it."

"If I call you 'Roderich' for a week, will you tell me?"

"No."

"Two weeks?"

"No."

"A month?"

"Stop talking, Gilbert."

"Come on, Roderich. You can tell me. I can keep a secret."

Something about the way he said it makes me pause. I open my mouth to snap at him again, but I suddenly stop. I could use a good rant. And from the way Gilbert looked at me back there, maybe he does care. I mean, he  _is_ giving me a ride home. 

Jesus. I didn't know 'Gilbert' and 'care' could go in the same sentence without 'doesn't.'

"Sometimes I think Natalia doesn't care about me." I say in one breath, clamping my mouth shut like a six year old that just said a cuss word in front of their mother.

Gilbert nods slowly. "Why do you think that?"

"I.." I can't believe I'm talking about this with Gilbert. "She always forgets about me and has so much work and I don't think any of the other interns have as much work as she does. I take a breath.

"Is that what happened? She forgot to pick you up?"

I nod silently, biting my lip. I don't want to cry. Especially not in front of Gilbert. I don't want to cry  _at all_ over Natalia.

He pulls into the lot of our building. Rain pours around the car.

"We should wait it out," He says. "If we don't want to get soaked."

I nod, focusing on my breathing.  _Don't cry, don't cry, don't-_

"It's alright if you want to cry." Gilbert says, turning to face me.

_Damn you, Gilbert. Damn you to hell._

I shake my head and bite the side of my cheek. 

"Come on, Roderich, don't hold it in. Natalia doesn't treat you right, does she? As much as anyone thinks it's weird, men can cry. Men can also be hurting." When I look up, his eyes are kind and understanding, something I've never seen in him before.

Something in his tone makes me snap. I take my glasses off and bury my face in my hands and let it all out, hot tears streaming down my face. A warm hand touches my back, soothing me.

I hate this. Crying. Crying in front of Gilbert. I feel so weak.

Gilbert doesn't say anything as I compose myself. I lean back in the seat, staring at the black ceiling of the car. I know I probably look as deathly as the storm outside, but at the moment, I don't care.

"This is a nice car." I say, my voice slightly hoarse from crying.

"Thanks."

"It has the new car smell."

"It's three years old."

"Hmm."

Gilbert drums his fingers on the steering wheel. "Want to play a game of twenty questions?" He asks suddenly.

 


	15. Chapter Fourteen

I look at him. "Twenty questions?"

"What, never heard of it?"

"No, I have," I say. "I just didn't know they played that in Germany."

Gilbert throws his head back and laughs, causing me to laugh as well. "I sincerely hope you're kidding." He says.

"Don't worry, I'm not that naïve."

He smiles, running his tongue along his lips. "Alright then," He says. "I'll start."

"Okay."

"What's your favourite colour?" 

"Red." I tell him.

"Good choice."

"Thanks." I pause, thinking of a question. "What is your pet peeve?"

"When people rush work."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it just annoys the shit out of me."

"I see."

"Why did you move to London?"

"I wanted to get out of Vienna."

"Fair enough." He smiles crookedly.

"What's your favourite food?"

"Pizza, you?"

"Macaroon."

"Favourite band?"

"I don't have one."

Gilbert looks at me, astonished. "You don't have a favourite band?"

"I don't listen to modern time music."

"So, like Mozart?"

"Yes."

"Oh." He says. "Wow, boring." 

"Not true." I say, waving him off. "Next question."

"It's your turn, genius."

"Oh." I smile. "What made you want to be an accountant?"

"I like math."

I lightly giggle. "Why's that?"

He smirks and shrugs. "I guess because nothing ever changes." He says. "It's the same rules, all the time." He turns his head, looking ahead. "I've never liked change."

"Oh." His tone has shifted to a serious tone.

He quickly recovers and turns back to me. "Who was your first kiss?"

"Oh." I say again, flushing. "Skip?"

"Come on! You can't skip!"

"Yes I can."

"No you can't. Now answer the question."

"Fine." I sigh. "Natalia. It was Natalia." I glare at him. "Don't laugh."

Gilbert bites his lip. "You're lying." He says.

"No." I sigh.

"So you're telling me a guy like you went through all his years of schooling,  _including_ college, and never kisses anyone?"

"What do you mean  _a guy like me_?"

"Oh, come on. Look at you. You basically scream rich boy with a mansion and is heir to the throne."

"I think you watch too many films."

"It's hard for me to believe you didn't have your first kiss until you were  _twenty three._ "

"Well, it's true."

"Was it good at least?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is Doctor Girl a good kisser?"

"Well.. I.. I don't know. I don't have much to compare it too."

"Does she turn you on?"

I start. "What? I'm not telling you that."

"I bet she doesn't." Gilbert smiles teasingly. 

"Maybe she does. You don't know." I cross my arms over my chest, blushing furiously. "And frankly, it is none of your business."

Gilbert laughs. "Right."

"Stop," I say. "You're making fun of me."

"No I'm not. Come on, next question."

"Hmm.. What's your father's name?"

Gilbert tenses, smile dropping from his face. "Frederic." He says slowly. He crosses his arms over his chest, his breathing accelerating slightly.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

"Fine," He says through gritted teeth. "I'd just rather not talk about my father."

I nod slowly. "I apologise, I didn't know-"

"Drop it." He snaps and I recoil.

I look away. I must have hit a nerve. 

Gilbert takes a breath and looks back at me, his expression shifting yet again. "My turn." He says.

The way his demeanour changes so rapidly gives me a whiplash but I nod.

"Is Natalia your first girlfriend?"

I shake my head. "No."

"But you said she was your first kiss."

"She was."

Gilbert raises his eyebrows. "Care to elaborate?"

I smile. "I dated a girl named Lin in the fourth grade." I tell him. "But I caught her holding hands with a boy by the monkey bars, so I dumped her."

Gilbert laughs. "You heartbreaker."

"Natalia is my first serious relationship, though." I chew on my lip. Maybe _I_ think it's serious, but she completely forgot about me today.

"Do you love her?" Gilbert asks.

"What?"

"Natalia? Do you love Natalia?"

I lean back in my seat. I've never really thought about it. Natalia is smart, sweet and kind. She has a great job and she's very attractive. But she forgets about me constantly, and like Gilbert said, she doesn't exactly treat me right.

"I.. I don't know." I look at Gilbert. "Why?"

I hadn't realised Gilbert and I have shifted toward one another, Gilbert almost leaning across the central console. Our faces are only a few inches apart, and I smell the faint scent of cool mint on his breath.

He suddenly leans forward, our lips brushing slightly. My heart flips, my pulse quickening. The mix of Gilbert's proximity and the sound of the rain outside intoxicates me, and I momently forget about Natalia.

_Natalia._

I jolt back, fixing my glasses on my face. "The rain is letting up," I say shakily. In reality, the rain hasn't let up at all; it's still pouring buckets. I grab my binder and get out of the car.

_I am an idiot._

What happened back there? Was Gilbert going to kiss me? Was _I_ going to kiss him? Why did I let that happen? I'm still dating Natalia, even though we're in a rough patch right now. What am I even saying? _Was I going to let that happen if I weren't dating Natalia? He is a man and I am a man. I am not homosexual._ I feel horribly guilty for almost kissing Gilbert, but another part of me feels irrevocably alive. 

I don't know if Gilbert gets out of the car after me, I just rush into the lobby, shaking rain off my hair. I jam the button on the lift with my thumb, then decide against it and take the stairs.

I get to the flat and turn to look at myself in the mirror. My hair is damp from the rain and my glasses are smudged. My cheeks are a deep red, my violet eyes are wide. 

I check my phone to find one missed call from Natalia.

Only one.

I dial her number quickly.

"Roderich, where have you been?" Natalia snaps at the other end.

"I should be asking you," I retort. "You didn't pick me up."

"I'm on my way, don't worry."

"No. I got out at sixteen hundred. I got a ride home."

"You'd better not have rode home with that Gilbert guy."

"I didn't," I lie. "And even if I did, that is not the point. You  _forgot_ about me." 

"No, I didn't," She says. "I was at work-"

"It's always about work with you, is it not? Work, work, work. Well let me tell you something, start acting like I exist or I'm done."

I slowly hang up, taking a seat on the white couch and remove my glasses, placing them on the coffee table and bury my head in my hands. Today has been utterly disastrous. Natalia forgetting me, Gilbert almost kissing me in his car. God, I need to stay away from Gilbert. I  _really need to stay away from Gilbert._

I decided to turn in for the night, stripping from my wet clothes and practically falling into bed. I'm exhausted, and I fall right to sleep.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

"She forgot about you?"

Laura and Xiao look at me with wide eyes as I tell them about the events of the other night. Excluding the part about Gilbert giving me a ride, us playing twenty questions and most importantly, the part about Gilbert and I almost kissing. I don't want anyone to know about it. _I_ don't even want to know about it. 

"I think she was just.. busy. She is very hard working that maybe for a moment she did forget." I say, tracing my fingertips around the soda can.

"Did you break up?" Xiao asks.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone enter the break room where we're sitting.

Gilbert casually walks over to the fridge and opens it without a hello. He looks at me briefly before focusing on the contents of the fridge.

"No.."

Laura looks at me a bit surprised "Why not?" He asks.

"I will talk to her momentarily," I tell them. "We'll work things out."

Xiao and Laura exchange a glance.

"I don't know," Laura says. "No offence, but this girl seems kind of.. out of line."

"I acknowledge that, but I am not one to give up so easily." I say. I can't see Gilbert's face from where I am, only his hand thats rests on the door of the fridge. I can tell he's listening.

"If she can't make time for you, she simply is not worth it." Xiao agrees.

I shrug. "I don't know.. I think I might love her."

Gilbert stiffens and snaps up, a soda can gripped in his fist. His eyes blaze as he turns and storms out of the break room.

Xiao and Laura say more things that I ignore. Why did Gilbert react that way? I excuse myself from the conversation and go back to my desk.

"It is rude to eavesdrop on conversations that do not concern you." I say quietly so that only Gilbert can hear.

"I don't care," He replies, shuffling papers around on his desk. "I never said I wasn't rude."

I roll my eyes and click open a pen. I am about to begin editing on my next manuscript when Mr. Jones steps out of his office.

"Roderich and Gilbert, come here please."

I stiffen and look at Gilbert. He seems unbothered and rises from his desk, making his way to Mr. Jones. I follow, biting down on my lip.

"Beilschmidt, you dealt with mister Edelstein's file when he began working here," Mr. Jones says. "Run the final copy up to Kirkland's office to put in the archive. Roderich, you need to accompany him to verify all the information is correct."

I internally sigh. I don't want to have to spend more time with Gilbert. Gilbert nods and takes the file into his hands. He doesn't give me a second look as he takes long strides out of the office. I speed walk to catch up with him as we reach the lift.

"You  _could_ wait up." I huff.

He just shrugs. "I could. Doesn't mean I have to."

"I am not exactly happy about this either," I say as we step onto the elevator. "You don't have to act like such a child."

"I barely said anything, specs."

I grimace.

Gilbert hands me my file, a smile spreading across his face. "Hold this." He says. I tentatively take the file into my arms as Gilbert reaches out and presses all the buttons on the lift, lighting them all up.

"Don't do that," I say. "You'll block up the system!"

"I do this every time I get in this lift, I think we're safe." He smiles and takes back my file.

"We have to go through all the floors," I say. "All fifteen. And a waste of time."

"Don't tell me you actually care about getting back to work so quickly."

"I do."

"Of course. Should have known."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"It means you're a good little boy, specs."

"I am  _not_."

"Yes, you are. You can't deny it."

I clench my jaw. "So what if I am? There is nothing wrong about it."

"There's everything wrong with it."

"How?" I snap.

"If you play by the rules all the time, you never get the thrill of the game." His mouth turns up in a half smile. His eyes taunting.

HIs words sink into me. "Well.." I try to think of a comeback, but I can't. I shut my mouth and cross my arms over my chest.

"That's what I thought." His tone smug and it makes me want to slap the smirk off his face.

A few moments pass in silence as we ride the lift. Suddenly, there's a loud bang and the elevator screeches to a stop, the lights flicker before going out.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

"See what you've done?!" I shout.

"Don't panic." Gilbert says fairly calm.

"Don't panic?  _Don't panic?_ How can I  _not_ panic?! We're stuck in a pitch black lift-"

A light suddenly switches on. Gilbert sets his phone on the ground, the light emitting from the flash lens. The small space is illuminated in dim light.

Gilbert takes a seat on the floor, leaning back against the wall.

"I told you not to press all those buttons." I snap. "Excuse my language, but I  _fucking_ told you!"

Gilbert rolls his eyes. "Will you pipe the fuck down? This has happened before. They'll come for us."

I turn, scanning the buttons for the emergency call button.

"Don't even try." He says. "It's broken."

"Well, shouldn't they  _fix it?_ " I ask, my voice shrill.

"They should, but all the maintenance workers here are dipshits."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Well, how long are we going to be here? We have to drop off that file."

Gilbert stares at me for a moment before bursting into laughter. "You're stuck in a small, compact lift with me, someone you _clearly_  despise, and you're worried about dropping off a file?"

I crack a smile. He has a point. "I guess you're right." I sigh and slowly take a seat by Gilbert, near the light. "And for the record, I don't  _despise_ you."

This causes Gilbert to laugh more. "That's a real joke." He snorts.

"I don't," I protest. "You're just an asshole."

"Wow. Finally catching up with the language." He laughs.

I roll my eyes.

"But, yeah, I get that a lot."

"Well, you could try to be nicer to people."

"And where will that get me?"

"I don't know.. friends? A girlfriend?"

"How do you know I don't have a girlfriend?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Oh.. my apologies." I flush.

He laughs again. "I'm just teasing," He says. "You're so gullible."

"I am not gullible." I snap.

"You know, you really deny things a lot."

"I deny things that are not true."

"Right." Gilbert snorts.

"Oh, look, you're being an asshole again." I fake smile at him and cross my arms over my chest.

Gilbert laughs. "Again? I thought I was always an asshole."

"True," I say. "You behave in this constant state of asshole continuum."

He laughs again. "At least we can agree on something."

I smile. "Yeah." I say.

Gilbert sighs and takes a pack of mint gum from the pocket of his jeans. My mind flashes to when our lips brushed in his car, the way his breath smelled like spearmint. I avert my eyes as he unwraps a piece and pops it in his mouth.

"Want one?" He asks.

I shake my head. "I only chew pineapple gum."

Gilbert raises his eyebrows. "Why?"

I shrug. "It is the best flavour."

"That's bullshit."

"No, it's not."

"Mint lasts the longest."

"So? Pineapple taste the best."

"No it does not."

"Yes it does."

"No it-"

"That's enough." I say and we laugh. We really  _do_ argue over  _everything_ , including the best flavour of gum. I'd rather argue with him about trivial things, though, than insult each other.

"So tell me, specs," Gilbert says. "What's the  _real_ reason you moved to London?"

"I'm not going to answer that." I say.

"Why not? Got a dirty little secret?" The tone in his voice makes me shudder.

"No," I firmly tell him. "No I don't." My heart pounds loudly in my chest.

"Then tell me."

"I know you're just angry because I moved into that flat."

He stiffens. "What do you mean?"

"You are obviously upset I moved there. Who had lived there before?"

Gilbert's shoulders relax slightly. "I.. I don't remember." He says, his voice having an edge to it.

"Oh." I know he's hiding something. Or, more than one thing. With Gilbert, I could never know.

"What was  _your_ reason for moving to London?" I ask Gilbert.

"I was sick of Germany."

"Well I was sick of Austria."

"Bullshit."

"No, it's not," I say. "I think  _your_ reason is bullshit."

"Why? You know  _nothing_ about me, Roddy."

"You know nothing about me either."

"I have your file right here." He smirks.

"Well.." I'm unable to think of a response.

"I still think you're a lair." Gilbert says.

"It takes one to know one."

"That it does." The corners of Gilbert's mouth turn down slightly.

We sit silently for a moment, the small lift illuminated by the soft glow of the light from Gilbert's phone. I look at my lap and notice Gilbert and I are only sitting a few inches apart. I don't remember sitting so close to him. I can smell the mint of his gum from where I sit, along with the faint sent of cologne.

"Do you really love her?" He asks out of the blue. 


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Why Gilbert always brings up my relationship, I don't know. "Yes." I lie. "I am going to tell her tonight." I honestly have no idea where Natalia even is. She's most likely at work and I'll call her when I get to the flat tonight; if I ever get out of this damn lift.

"Oh." I can't decipher the tone in Gilbert's voice.

"Why do you even care, Gilbert?" I ask him.

"I don't."

"You're acting otherwise."

"Well, I've always been a shitty actor."

"Just tell me why."

Gilbert sighs. "You don't let things go, do you."

I shake my head.

Gilbert looks at the ceiling. I take it he's not going to elaborate on anything he said before, so I look away from him. "If only smoking was allowed in lifts." He says after awhile.

"It's broken already." I point out.

Gilbert looks at me, humour in his eyes. " _You_ smoke, specs?"

"No." I say. "Not anymore."

"You used to?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Correct."

Gilbert nods. "Wow." He says.

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because you're you."

"So what?"

"So, you seem like if someone gave you a smoke you'd pass out."

I scoff. "I _can_ smoke, Gilbert. You underestimate me."

"Apparently."

I sigh. "How much longer are we going to be in here?"

Gilbert shrugs.

I lean my head back against the wall. The temperature seems to be rising in the small space and Gilbert rolls up the sleeves of his shirt. My eye catches on black ink that dots his forearm.

"You have tattoos?" I ask.

Gilbert turns his arm to look at the tattoo. "Yeah," He answers.

"I didn't know that." I say. I have seen him in t-shirts before, but I've never paid any attention to the tattoos.

"How about you? Got any tattoos?" Gilbert's eyes are teasing.

"As a matter of fact, I do." I answer.

"Liar."

"I am no liar."

"Where is it then?"

"Near my collar."

"Wow," Gilbert says, his expression humorous. "Look at you, Roddy, smoking and having tattoos."

"I told you you know nothing about me," I say smugly. "That file doesn't know anything."

Gilbert smiles. "I guess not."

A smile traces on my lips. I turn my head to look at Gilbert. "May I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why were you so rude to me when we first met?"

"I'm rude to everyone."

"I don't think that is true. You went out of your way to be extra rude to me, and you know it."

Gilbert frowns. "Okay, you want to know the reason?"

I nod.

"I was rude because I know the kind of person you are," He says. "You've got a perfect life. You're smart, you've got a good job, you've got a good girlfriend. You don't give a shit about anyone who isn't up to your standards. You're from Vienna, for Christ's sake. You're a snob, Roderich, a fucking snob. And I knew it from the second I saw you bring all those boxes up when you first moved in. You wanted to know the reason; well there's your damn reason."HIs voice is dripping in venom by the end.

I feel like I've been slapped. I didn't know Gilbert was so quick to judge. Anger burns like fire in my veins. "You know, you're really one to talk." I snap. "You didn't _attempt_ to get to know me before judging me like that. I at least _tried_ to be nice to you, but look where that got me. I may not know you that well, Gilbert, but at least I didn't judge you before I even met you." I stand and brush off, stepping away from him.

"I didn't judge you, I didn't have to. You're proving right now that you're as pretentious as I originally thought!" Gilbert gets to his feet, too, his eyes blazing.

"Well, you're an _asshole._ And you go out of your way to _piss_ people off."

"At least I'm not in love with an idiot."

I recoil, flashing my eyes. "Natalia is _not_ an idiot!"

"Obviously she is, if she can put up with _you_!"

I can't help myself. I take a step forward and backhand slap Gilbert right across the face. He clenches his jaw, shock evident in his features. He looks back at me before taking me by the wrists and pushing me against the wall of the lift.

"Want to do that again, Roddy?" He hisses. His touch on my skin sends fire throughout my body, his eyes flashing.

"You deserved it," I snap. "And _don't_ call me Roddy."

"Then don't piss me off." He snaps.

"I am not afraid of you."

Gilbert narrows his eyes. His face is only inches from mine, his breath fanning over my face. I stare into his eyes in fear. The red is darker than usual, his face bathed in the dim light from his phone that still remains on the floor. "Not yet, you aren't." He says before stepping away, turning his back on me.

Shivers run down my spine. "What do you mean?" I compose myself.

Gilbert laughs darkly, avoiding my question. "Why don't you just stay away from me, Roderich."

"Because you always show up." I say. "Trust me, I'd want nothing more than to never see you again."

Gilbert turns around, a frown on his face. "Be careful what you wish for."

I clench my jaw, readying a comeback. I'm about to say something else to him, when the doors to the lift open, light spilling into the small room. A maintenance worker and Mr. Jones stand out in the hall.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

Gilbert exhales and picks his things up from off the ground. He briskly walks out of the lift without a word. I follow, adjusting my glasses on my face. 

"How long were you two in there?" Mr. Jones asks.

"I don't know." I say. "Gilbert pushed all the buttons so it must have jammed the system."

Mr. Jones rolls his eyes. "Damn it, I've told him to stop doing that. Sorry about that, Roderich."

I shrug. "It's quite all right."

Mr. Jones checks his watch. "I hate to do this to you, Roderich, but, do you mind working late tonight? I have two extra manuscripts that need to be edited by tomorrow-"

I nod. "Of course. I'll get started right now."

I walk back to my workspace and sit down, shuffling my papers around. I see that Gilbert has already left. Thank god. He's the last absolute person I want to see. I'm flustered by Gilbert's words to me. I am not _pretentious._ Though, I admit, it felt good to strike him that way. He deserved it after all the things he's said to me since we've met. But did he  _mean_ all the things he's said?  _Am_ I a snob? What do I do that makes him think that? Why would he judge me so quickly? Yes, my family is quite wealthy but I certainly am not pretentious. 

_What did I ever do to Gilbert to make him hate me?_

The clock tells me it's sixteen hundred and I get to work. I text Natalia asking if she can pick me up and she says yes. I'll get the chance to apologise to her for what I said and hopefully everything will be okay. My red pen flies across the page. Mr. Jones checks up on me every so often and thanks me again for staying late. He says he'll run my file to Mr. Kirkland some other day. 

By twenty hundred, I've finished one manuscript and half of the second one. Mr. Jones thanks me again as I walk out the door. I dial Natalia's number. When I get her voicemail, I sigh. The air is freezing cold and I wrap my coat and scarf tighter around me. I don't see her car anywhere and my heart sinks when I realise she's probably not coming.. again.

I really need to talk to Natalia about this.

I shiver and sit on the same bench as last time. I won't cry this time. I begin to rethink my feelings for Natalia. She forgets me all the time, and she barely makes time for me. Is she really at work? Or is she lying to me?  _No_ , my mind snaps.  _She's not lying to you, why would she lie to you? She's busy at work._

I try her phone again and hang up when I get voicemail for the second time. Why is she forgetting me so much?

_She doesn't treat you right, does she?_

Though I hate to admit it, Gilbert was right. Natalia doesn't treat me right. I need to talk to her about this, or, as much as it'll hurt, leave her.

_At least it's not raining._

I look around. I don't see Gilbert's car anywhere in the lot, either. I'm relieved and disappointed at the same time, although, I don't know why. He's a jerk, and I want nothing to do with him.

 _Be careful what you wish for_ , Gilbert said in the elevator. What was that suppose to mean? 

I wait another fifteen minutes before chewing on my lip and standing from the bench. I guess I'm walking home.  _Damn it. Why did I wear boots today._

I think of the route home in my head and start walking. My shoes click against the cold pavement. I hear yelling out in the distance. I flinch at the obscenity of the words and continue walking.

I round a corner and sigh, pulling the GPS on my phone and type my address. Hopefully it won't be much further away. I hear movement behind me, but ignore it. It's probably just someone else walking. Vienna streets are much more dangerous than London streets. Why should I be worried?

I hear something shift again and I turn around, my eyes scanning the empty street. My eyes land on the alley I followed Gilbert into that one afternoon. Fear starts to build up inside of me and I start to walk faster.

_There's no one there._

_There's no one there.._

_There's no one th-_

Someone catches my wrist and slams me back against a brick building. My breath hitches in my throat and I gasp at the harsh impact of body on stone. Two men stand before me, the streetlight bathing them in eerie, dim light. One has brown hair and green eyes, holding me, almost lifting me, against the brick wall. The other wears a rabbit mask but has blonde hair tied back. 

"Got you." The brown haired one says, a smirk tugging at his lips.

 _Not again please.._ I want to speak but my voice is mute in my throat.

"Roderich, is it?" The one with the mask asks in a muffled voice. "What a pretty name."

"How do you know my name?" I ask breathlessly.

"We know a lot of things, Roderich." The brown haired one grins. He doesn't seem much older than me.

"How much did he tell you?" The blonde one asks with the same muffled tone behind the mask.

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb, Roderich," He says. "What did Beilschmidt tell you?"

"Gilbert?"

"You heard me."

"He-He hasn't told me anything."

"Don't lie. Lying won't get you anywhere." The brown haired one sneers.

"Who are you?" 

"We'll be asking the questions." He snaps.

"Oh, come on, at least tell him your name." The blonde one says teasingly.

The brown haired one smiles. "Okay, my name's Antonio, and that is, Bonnefoy F." He says. His eyes mean. "Now that we're all acquainted, let's get down to business."

I swallow. "What do you want."

"We want to know what Beilschmidt told you," The blonde one, Bonnefoy is his surname, says.

"He has not told me anything." I say. My voice surprisingly strong. "I don't even want to be associated with him. I dislike him."

The two look at each other and laugh. "Then why'd he take you home the other day?" Bonnefoy asks.

"I needed a lift," I say. "That is all."

Antonio looks at me with menacing eyes. "Let me tell you something, Roderich." He says lowly. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Either way, you're talking."

I stiffen. Thoughts race through my mind.  _Call for help. Do it._ But I stay paralysed. I should have called for a different ride. I should not have walked.

"I do not have any information." I protest. "Let me go home."

"Sorry, Roderich, we can't let that happen." Antonio says, glaring at me. "Now, tell me," He says through gritted teeth. " _What_ _did Beilschmidt tell you_?"

I want to run and call for help, but my body does not allow me and I remain petrified. My heart pounds from being slammed against the wall and I feel as if I could faint at any moment.

Suddenly, a car screeches to a halt at the curb. Someone gets out quickly.

"Hey!" Gilbert shouts, slamming the door to his car shut. Antonio lets go of me and I stare in disbelieve as he and Bonnefoy turn on him. 


	20. Chapter Nineteen

"What did you tell him, Beilschmidt?" Bonnefoy snarls at Gilbert.

"I haven't told him anything," Gilbert snaps. "Leave him alone; he knows nothing."

"Then why have we seen him with you so much?" Antonio sneers.

"I was doing him a favour." Gilbert replies.

"Ivan is wondering about you," Bonnefoy says. "You didn't show up last night."

"I couldn't. I was busy."

"Enough excuses. You either show up tomorrow or you're out." Antonio snaps. "Get your shit together, or he's in trouble." Antonio points to me and I widen my eyes.

"He has nothing to do with this," Gilbert says. He must be cold in only a t-shirt. I see what look like scars that near his tattoo in the dim light. "I barely even know him. Leave him out of this."

"He knows more than you think he does," Bonnefoy says.

"What the hell do you mean?" Gilbert's shoulders tense.

"He saw you talking to Ivan last week," Bonnefoy goes on. "He followed you."

Gilbert looks to me and I shrink back against the wall. His gazes burn like a fire.

"It doesn't matter," Gilbert says looking back at Bonnefoy. "Leave him alone, he barely knows his way around London."

"Fine," Antonio snaps. "But if Ivan finds out he knows anything, you're both in deep shit." He nods to Bonnefoy and the two walk away, sending Gilbert a final glare. They disappear into an alley, leaving only Gilbert and I.

I stay against the wall, processing what just happened. My head pounds and my breath falls rapidly. Gilbert stares at the ground for a few seconds, the wind blowing harshly. He chews on his lip, as if debating something. Why did he stand up for me? How did he even know where I was? Who are those guys, and what do they want? 

Gilbert finally snaps up, walking back to his car. "Get in," He says coldly. I don't argue as I walk to the passengers seat, my head down in fright and embarrassment. The warmth of the car engulfs me as I enter and sit in the leather seat. 

"Did they hurt you?" Gilbert asks as we drive.

I shake my head. I know he's mad about me following him the other day, and I don't blame him. I would be furious if our roles were reversed.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

I nod.

"Are you going to talk?"

I swallow, my throat dry. I don't know what to say to him, it's been so long since an encounter like that occurred in my life. Gilbert matches my silence as we drive along the empty streets. My heart pounds loudly, still recovering for the former events; and memories.

Gilbert sighs. "Why did you follow me that day?" His voice is oddly calm and contained as he breaks the silence.

I look ahead. "I don't really know," I say. "You left in such a hurry, I-"

"You are not to follow me ever again, do you understand?" His tone quickly turns venomous.

"I apologise." I whisper.

Gilbert exhales slowly. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel and takes his bottom lip between his teeth. I can practically see his mind racing.

I chew on my lip. "Thank you," I say quietly. "For showing up."

Gilbert nods.

"How did you know I was there?" I ask. I have so many questions for him, I don't even know where to start.

"I didn't," He says. "I was driving back to Kirkland."

"Why? If I may ask."

Gilbert takes an exasperated breath, eyes flicking over to me briefly. "I... I wanted to apologise," He says quietly. "For yelling at you earlier."

I blink. I've never heard Gilbert apologise before. "Oh."

"Yeah.." He clears his throat. "So.. sorry. For saying those things."

I nod. An awkward silence descends and I quickly break it.

"How do you know I was at Kirkland?"

"You weren't home, so I figured.."

"Oh."

Gilbert turns a corner. The wind continues to whistle outside.

"May I ask you a question and will you be completely honest with me?" I ask Gilbert.

"Okay." He says hesitantly.

"Am I in danger?"

He pulls into the lot of the building, stopping in a parking space. "If I'm being honest," He says. "Then.. you're not completely safe.."

My breathing accelerates. My bottom lip trembles as I hold back tears. What would have happened to me if Gilbert hadn't showed up? Would the same thing that happened years ago, repeat themselves? If they saw Gilbert take me home, do they know where I live? What have I gotten myself into.

"Don't cry, Roderich," Gilbert says, taking in my expression. HIs eyes soften as he reaches over the central console and touches my arm lightly. "I'll do what I can to make sure you're safe, okay?" His voice is soothing, much like it was the first day Natalia forgot me.

I nod and take a few shaky breaths. 

He looks at me a moment longer before getting out of the car. I too step out. He locks the car and we walk inside of the building.

We stop in front of my door.

"Can I ask  _you_ a question and will you be completely honest?" Gilbert asks.

I nod slowly.

"Did Natalia forget you again?" 

I cross my arms over my chest, taking my bottom lip between my teeth. I look down. "Yes." I manage to say.

Gilbert doesn't answer. I have a feeling I know what he's thinking; I'm thinking the same thing.

I say and unlock my flat. "I guess I'll see you at work. Thank you." I say in a monotone.

Gilbert watches me, his eyes dilated slightly. He nods curtly and I shut the door.

My entire being aches to know what he's involved in and who those guys really are. I shower quickly, slide into my small shorts and loose collared shirt and get into bed, pulling the comforter up to my chin.

Sleep evades me as I lay there, staring at the ceiling. What if they come for me now? What if they break in? 

Hours pass and I'm wide awake.

Why do they even think Gilbert would tell me anything? What is there for him to tell? I want to know so badly, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself in danger. I shoot up at every little noise. I know I'm being paranoid. I won't get any sleep this way. Before I know what I'm doing, my feet carry me to Gilbert's door. I knock lightly, looking around me at the empty hall.


	21. Chapter Twenty

After a few moments, the door opens. Gilbert wears sweatpants and the same t-shirt, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. "Roderich?" He asks. "It's three hundred." His voice is rougher than usual from drowsiness.

"I know," I say.

"What's wrong?"

"I.." Now that I about it, this is stupid. I shouldn't have woken Gilbert up for this.  _Gilbert,_ of all people, too. I guess my mind isn't working right.

Gilbert looks at me expectantly.

"I can't sleep." I manage to say.

Gilbert stares at me.

"I apologise, I'll go, again, my apologies." I start to turn when Gilbert grabs my wrist.

"Is everything okay?" He asks me.

"Yes." I lie. "I'm fine, I-"

"Are you sure?" He asks, cutting me off.

I look down at his fingers curling around my wrist. I shake my head slowly.

He lets go of my arm and steps to the side. "Come in." He says.

I stare at him. He tilts his head slightly.

I give in and step into his flat.

Everything is perfectly in place. The decor is modern, the walls painted grey. A flat screen television is mounted on the wall and a black couch is in front of it along with a black recliner. The place is impeccably neat and organised.

Gilbert walks over to the kitchen area and pulls out two matching mugs from a cabinet at the top, near the refrigerator. He pour water into a kettle and turns the stove on to boil the water. I stand, pulled the long collared shirt down to my knees in embarrassment for my attire. Gilbert doesn't say anything as the kettle whistles, indicating that the water is ready. He pours the water in the two mugs and grabs a pack of tea bags and honey from the cabinet located above the stove and places one tea pack on each of the mugs. He mixes the content with a small spoon and adds a tad of lemon juice. He hands me a mug.

"Thank you." I whisper and look down at the mug.

"Sit," He gestures to a chair at the table.

I nod and pull the chair out, setting the mug on the table before I sit. He stands at the counter and sips his tea. I too take a sip, and I'll admit, it doesn't taste bad.

"What are you afraid of?" Gilbert asks, breaking the silence.

I look down into the tea. "I've.. I have never been attacked like that before," I lie. "And when you said I wasn't completely safe..."

"Do you feel unsafe?"

I shrug.

Gilbert stirs his spoon in his tea. "Nothing will happen to you, Roderich," He says. "I won't let anything happen, okay?"

I nod.

This is very odd; to be having tea at three hundred in Gilbert's flat. Hours ago, we were stuck in an a lift, yelling at each other, and here Gilbert is telling me he's not going to let anything happen to me.

"What is it that you do?" I dare to ask.

"I'm an accountant," He replies.

"I know that, but I mean.. for those guys.."

The corners of Gilbert's mouth turn up. "I'm an accountant," He repeats. I stare at him, confused. He smiles at my expression.

"What are the numbers?" I clamp my mouth shut as soon as I say it. Gilbert's eyes flash.

"Numbers?"

"When.. when I followed you..."

"Of course," Gilbert runs a hand through his hair, suddenly stressed. He paces around the kitchen for a few moments. "Roderich, listen to me. You can't know about any of this,  _especially_ what I do. Do you understand?"

"Yes, b-"

"I can't tell you. And I won't. It's not your business."

"Is it not my business now, since it was me who was attacked on my way home from work?"

Gilbert stops pacing. "I'm sorry that that happened to you," He says. "But if I tell you anything, you'll be in even more trouble."

"Am I in trouble now?" I ask, my voice higher pitched than before.

"No, no, not..." Gilbert sighs, leaning onto the counter and putting his head in his hands. "This is all such a mess."

I pause and then nod in agreement. I stare down at my tea.

"Roderich, Roderich, Roderich," He sighs, shaking his head. "What am I suppose to do with you now?"

I push my mug of tea away. "I'm sorry," I say. "I will just go home-"

"No, don't go." He looks up. "Don't go. You can stay."

We stare at each other's eyes for a few moments. The red in Gilbert's irises is laced with concern.

I nod and pull my tea back.

Gilbert begins stirring his tea again, his eyes cast down. I practically see the gears turning in his head.

"I don't love her." I say out of the blue.

Gilbert looks up, his brows furrowed. "What?"

"I don't love Natalia," I say. "I'm not even quite sure i _like_ her anymore."

Gilbert stares at me.

"She is not even a real doctor," I go on. "She's just an intern." A smile forms on my face and I close my eyes, putting a fisted hand over my lips though not completely covering it. A laugh escapes from me. I start laughing even more and before I know it, I'm laughing hysterically, tears forming in my closed eyes.

Gilbert watches all of this confused before smiling. His smile turns into a chuckle, which turns into laughter. We must look like a pair of fools, laughing hysterically over tea at three hundred. 

"She even treats it like it's a real job." I control my laughter. "She doesn't even get  _paid_." 

Gilbert's laughter goes down and he looks over at me.

"Why did you say you loved her, then?" He asks as if we never laughed at all.

"I wanted to upset you." I say, and instantly bite my lip. The words seemed to flow from me before I could think. There must be something in this tea.

Gilbert smiles, and then, he starts laughing again. I laugh too. I don't think I've ever laughed like this in my life, especially over so little.

I watch Gilbert as he laughs. His dimples carve into his cheeks, I notice freckles I haven't seen before and he throws his head back, his red eyes squinting. It's a lovely sight to see Gilbert laugh. 

Our laughter dies down and I notice that I've drained my tea. Gilbert has, too.

"Do you want to hear a secret?" Gilbert asks me, leaning towards me on his elbows.

"Why not."

"I don't think you're pretentious. I actually think you're the nicest person I've ever met." The words seem to slip from Gilbert. There is defiantly something in this tea. He puts a hand over his mouth and I smile.

"Well, I think you're good in the inside," I say. "Even if you're vile most of the time."

Gilbert smiles too and we giggle. We sound like children laughing at a stupid joke.

"Honestly, _what_ did you put in this tea?" I ask Gilbert as he puts our empty mugs into the dishwasher.

"My old man used to make it for me when I was agitated," He tells me. "It relaxes you so much, you don't think about what you say, apparently."

"Is it authentic?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Is it really from Germany?"

"Hell no. It's from Esso."

We burst into laughter again. My mouth hurts from smiling too much.

"I didn't know they sold tea at Esso." I say.

"It's England for Christ's sake, and from the way we're acting, you'd think they put crack in it."

We laugh again, tears building up in my eyes from laughing so much.

I try to remove my glasses but remember I don't have them, they're in my flat. I chuckle lightly to myself, looking at Gilbert. The hours I spent awake tonight are beginning to catch up to me and I yawn.

Gilbert rises to his full height, off his elbows. "Come on, you can sleep on the couch. If it makes you feel safer."

I straighten up and stand. "No, it's fine, I'll go home."

Gilbert raises an eyebrow. "If you go, will you really sleep?"

I know he's right. I yawn again and Gilbert half smiles. He turns and walks into another room, coming back to the lounge with a pillow and blanket. He arranges them on the couch.

"This is a one time thing," He warns me. My heart sinks at his cold attitude returning, but his eyes are humorous and I relax.

I roll my eyes, sinking down on the couch. "Good," I say. "I don't want any more of your convenient store tea."

Gilbert laughs again and bids me goodnight, walking back into his room. I notice he leaves the door to his room open.

I curl up on the couch, taking a deep breath. The pillow Gilbert gave me smells like him and as weird as it may sound, I like it. I inhale the mix of cologne and spearmint, burying my face in the fabric. I fall asleep instantly, feeling safer than I did before.  


	22. Chapter Twenty One

I awake to a fierce pounding noise.

I groan and pull the pillow over my head. It's _Saturday,_ who's at the door?

That's when I remember where I am.

I hear the door creak open.

"Can I help you?" Gilbert asks, his voice raspy from sleep.

"Have you seen Roderich anywhere? He hasn't been answering his phone and he doesn't seem to be home."

I widen my eyes at the familiar accent.

_Natalia._

Oh no.

"Uh..." Gilbert trails off.

I peek over the top of the couch. Gilbert leans against the door frame, scratching the back of his neck nervously. If Natalia comes in here, she'll draw conclusions quickly and assume that Gilbert and I...  _ugh_. The thought makes me shudder. 

 _Lie._ I command Gilbert mentally.  _Lie to her._

"He probably went out to get coffee," Gilbert says. "He usually has it at work, but it's the weekend, so..."

"Oh. Right."

I breath out a sigh of relief.

"What was that?"

I freeze.  _Natalia heard that?_

"My.. cat," Gilbert says.

"I didn't know they allowed pets in the building."

"They don't. It's a secret. Shhh."

I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from laughing at Gilbert's lie.

"Can I see it?"

"No, it's one of those hairless ones. Really gross looking. And... it has rabies."

"Shouldn't you get that checked out, then? Rabies is pretty serious."

"Look, you, I appreciate your concern but-"

The door swings open and Natalia walks in, her eyes immediately land on me. She widens her eyes, anger filling her quickly.

" _Roderich?_ " She asks in disbelieve.

I shoot up from the couch. "Natalia."

"What the hell are you doing here? And _why are you dressed like that?_ "

Gilbert looks on, his eyes locked on me.

"It is quite a long turn of events." I say.

 "I've got time."

"Oh, really? Because you never seem to have time for anything else."

"Roddy-"

"You said to me that you would pick me up from work,  _twice_ , and you didn't keep your word for reasons I don't know."

"So you think the solution is to sleep with your  _male_ neighbour?"

My jaw drops. Gilbert tries not to laugh and I shoot him a glare.

"I certainly did not sleep with anyone!"

"Then explain this!" Natalia yells.

I recoil. I can't tell Natalia about what happened when I was walking home, I know it's important that I keep it a secret for Gilbert's; and my sake. 

"Gilbert gave me a ride home and I fell asleep in the car. He was kind enough to bring me my sleepwear when I awoke in the middle of the night, weary." I lie. Well, it's partially true. Natalia looks at Gilbert and he nods. "I can't believe you would accuse me of that," I say to Natalia, crossing my arms over my chest. "I've told you that I am  _not_ homosexual. Besides, if I was, Gilbert and I barely know each other."

The expression on Gilbert's face is unreadable.

"Come on, Roderich, let's go." Natalia says, reaching for my hand. I snatch it away from her.

"Go where?" I ask. "Out to lunch so you can leave me halfway through for your  _job_?"

"I can't help it if I'm on call," Natalia says.

"Oh,  _bullshit,_ " I snap. Natalia flinches at my words. "You don't even have a  _real_ job. You're an intern."

I hate for the two of them to see me like this, especially Gilbert. I know I'm making a horrible impression on him, to add to the already terrible impression he has of me. Well, it's not like I have a spotless impression on him, either.

"It  _is_ a real job! It's much more important than yours anyways!"

"Why do I get paid while you don't?" I rebut. Natalia narrows her eyes.

"Look, Roderich, I don't know what's up with you, but when you decide to act like less of a bitch, give me a call," Natalia snaps. She turns on her heel and walks out of the flat, the door swinging shut behind her.

I sink down onto the couch and put my head in my hands. I hear Gilbert walk around the couch and sit across me on the coffee table.

"For the record, I think you had a few good shots in there." He says.

I shake my head. I feel so guilty for speaking to Natalia in that way. If anything,  _I'm_ the one who should be getting yelled at. I almost kissed Gilbert when he drove me home the other day, I slept on his couch last night, and I've continued to interact with him even after I told myself multiple times my life would be easier without him.

"I have to get going..." I say, standing and walking towards the door. Gilbert watches me with hooded eyes. "Thank you, Gilbert... for everything."

I don't know what came over me. I walk back to the flat, finding it unlocked. I curse myself for not locking it last night and I walk inside.

I take a shower and change into my clothes for the day. I'm still slightly on edge after my brief attack last night. I feel horrible about Natalia. I'm upset and disappointed in myself, and I need to apologise to her for the way I acted. I was out of line.

My mind shifts to Gilbert. 

The way we laughed together last night was so... natural. Maybe we're in different terms than before? Maybe we're... friends?

Never in a million years would I have thought Gilbert and I would be friends. Perhaps I should apologise for stepping out so quickly back there. 

I walk into the hall, knocking on Gilbert's door. I wait a few minutes with no answer. I take it he isn't home.

My heart involuntarily sinks.

A thought strikes me.  _Maybe he's doing laundry_?

I take the lift down to the ground floor and step out, making my way to the laundry room. Sure enough, there is Gilbert, dumping too much fabric softener into a washing machine.

"That is too much softener, I believe." I tell him, walking besides him.

"I always use this much," He grumbles.

"I recommend you don't."

Gilbert shrugs. His expression is unreadable. 

"I apologise for stepping out in that manner," I say as he shuts the top of the machine. "I was just a bit... shocked about what happened with Natalia. And quite angry. At her, not you."

He shrugs again. "Okay."

"So... are we in good terms?"

He looks at me, raising his eyebrows. "Are we good?" He repeats.

"Correct."

"That would imply that we're friends, or something."

I flush. "I had an understanding that..."

"Understanding of what? That we're  _friends?_ " Gilbert almost laughs. "Let me tell you something, Roderich, we're the farthest thing from  _friends_ two people can be."

I feel like I've been slapped. "You let me stay... and I-"

"Roderich! I only let you stay over because it was three hundred and I was half fucking awake!"

I step back. "You're an  _asshole_." I snap.

"Tell me something I don't know." He retorts, turning back to the washing machine and moving his laundry bin the the side.

My cheeks flame as I turn and walk out of the laundry room. How can he be so rude to me, when only last night we were laughing hysterically over practically nothing at all?


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

I sit at my piano, looking down at the keys. It's Sunday night, and I haven't talked to Natalia nor Gilbert since Saturday morning. I met Feliciano for coffee this morning and we walked around in the centre of London of awhile. I'm glad I have a friend in Feliciano. 

I need to make amends with Natalia, but I don't know when I'm going to be able to do that.I've tried calling her twice, but I got voicemail both times.

I am angry with Gilbert. He was so rude to me yesterday morning, when the night before we were laughing like idiots over tea at three hundred. I like when Gilbert is open like that, it makes me want to know him better and possibly become friends. It seems whenever I think he's actually a decent person; he proves to be nothing but a jerk.

I've been slightly wary going out alone since the incident, even though I know I shouldn't be. The two men that assaulted me on the street Friday still taunt me, but my curiosity burns inside me like a raging wildfire. Who were they? What does Gilbert have to do with them? Why are they after me? What did Gilbert mean when he said he was an 'accountant'?

I try to escape from the thousands of questions that pester me, but it's useless. I know if I follow Gilbert after work again, someone will see and I'll get us both in trouble. If only there were an easier way...

I close the piano keys. Gilbert found out so much about me from my file. Maybe if I can get ahold of his, I can get some answers. Maybe not about the two men or the numbers, but maybe about his background.

No, that's insane, and stupid, not to mention illegal. Am I really that desperate for information, that I would consider sneaking into Kirkland's office for Gilbert's file?

Apparently so.

The idea spark inside me like a firework. Tomorrow at work, I'll need an excuse to go to Kirkland's office, and look through his file without being caught. How will I be able to pull that off?

I've never been very stealthy, and I don't break the rules very often. But I know if I don't get answers soon, I won't be okay.

I dust off the piano and text Natalia, asking if she wants to come over. I know she probably won't text back, but I decide that I don't care. If she doesn't want to fix our relationship, then so be it.

Surprisingly, I get a text back, telling me she'll be here in ten minutes. I quickly buzz around the flat, cleaning and organising. I can't say I'm not nervous.  _What if Natalia leaves me?_

I shouldn't care if she does, she is not my property. Sure I'll be upset but there is nothing I can do if she decides to leave me.

There's a knock at the door and I swing it open. Natalia shakes rain from herself and walks inside, placing her umbrella near the door as I shut it. 

"It's brutal out there." She comments.

I nod as she takes her coat off, draping it over the couch.

"May I get you something?" I ask. "Water, coffee?"

"No, it's fine."

I nod and lean against the back of the couch.

"So..." She starts.

"I'm very sorry," I rush out. "I don't know what came over me and I don't want this to be our goodbye."

Natalia sighs and looks out the window. We've never really fought before; this is new to both of us. We're used to everything going smoothy; up until now, anyways.

"I don't want it to be our goodbyes, either." She says and I breath a sigh of relief. "I guess I was just shocked I found you with Gilbert at his apartment when you said you hated him."

"I do." I say, trying to convince myself, too. "He was just doing me a favour."

Natalia nods. "All right." She says and I wrap my arms around her, she nuzzles her face against my chest. I am so glad we did not part ways. Even if Natalia and I have our differences, she gives me a sense of completion.

"It is just, Natalia, I think you need to think more of me." I say, looking down at her. "I don't think you care about me as much as I care about you."

"I'm sorry, Roderich, you're right." She says, nodding.

"May you pick me up from work tomorrow?" I ask her. I know I must seem like an idiot for asking her, but I should give her a chance to redeem herself at least.

"Yes," She says. "I promise."

Natalia kisses me and tells me she has to run, she's on call. I try not to appear disappointed as I bid her goodbye and good night. She has an important job to attend to, and I shouldn't complain. 

I sit back at the piano and open the keys. I pay little attention to what I'm playing as I mull over my thoughts. Am I really going to try to get Gilbert's file tomorrow? The thought sends fear through me.  _Would I be able to do it? Should I do it?_

I go to bed with traces of Gilbert's laugh lingering in my mind.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

I watch Gilbert from my desk.

He's actually working today; skimming over multiple papers and scribbling different things here and there. His jaw is tense and I can't tell if he notices me staring or not. He probably does. Gilbert notices everything.

I, meanwhile, haven't touched my unedited manuscript. It sits in it's manila folder on my desk, undisturbed. I unwrap a piece of gum and pop it into my mouth, still watching Gilbert. He wears a white dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, exposing his tattoo. A black tie is knotted around his neck. He leans on his elbows, eyes scanning the paper in front of him.

He suddenly sits up, sliding a paper across his desk to Kiku. "You made a calculation error." He says plainly.

Kiku looks at the paper, brow furrowed. "Oh." He says. "Sorry."

Gilbert nods and moves some papers around, clicking his pen erratically between his fingers. He chews gum, popping a bubble every once in awhile.

There is so much I'm dying to find out about him. I obviously won't be able to get it out of him by talking, so there has to be another way.

My plan from the night before surfaces my mind. Could it work? If I get caught looking in Gilbert's file without proper authorisation, I could be in serious trouble. Is it worth it?

My eyes are still fixed on Gilbert when he looks up and locks gazes with me. The pigment of his eyes is as crimson as ever as he presses his lips into a tight line. I quickly look down to my desk.

"Roderich," I look back up into his eyes. He rests his right arm, leaning slightly towards me. "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

I blush and look down. I can practically hear the smug in his light laugh.

I stand from my desk and walk into the break room. I open the fridge and look for something that appeals to me, but I find nothing.

"Hey, Roderich."

I turn quickly and lean against the wall. "Ludwig," I breathe. "You startled me."

Ludwig chuckles and ducks down to look inside the fridge. "Sorry," He says.

I clear my throat and sigh. "It's fine." I say.

Ludwig straightens up and cracks open a diet Coke. "So, what's happening? You seem kind of distracted today." 

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just a bit tired." Ludwig leans against the counter and sips his Coke. A thought suddenly occurs to me. "Ludwig," I say, tilting my head to the side a bit. "What do you know about Gilbert?"

Ludwig sighs. "He's an asshole, but growing up he was, and still is part of me." He says, cracking a smile. "He is my brother, and I guess you could say we're close."

"Hmm."

"He's a damn genius though," Ludwig goes on. "Great at math and such."

"What did you two do in the past?" I know it is nosy of me to ask these things, but I can't help myself.

"Where to begin." Ludwig chuckles. "He's my big brother and always will be. He was so protective yet he knew how to have fun, even with me." He smiles and takes another sip of his Coke, eyeing me.

I nod. Wow. Gilbert actually caring. "Seems like you're very close. It must be nice." I say. "I was just curious." I smile at Ludwig before walking out of the break room and back to my desk.

Gilbert isn't at his desk.

I look down at my manuscript and internally groan. I open the manila folder and click open my red pen just as Mr. Jones steps out of his office.

"Roderich," He calls and I shoot up, walking over to him.

"Is there something I may help you with?" I ask politely when I reach him.

"Yes, actually. You still need to verify the accuracy of your file in Mr. Kirkland's office with Mr. Beilschmidt, so I'd like you to go ahead and do that now." He smiles.

"Oh. Of course."

"And I suggest you take the stairs." Mr. Jones smirks.

"Oh, right." I flush.

I don't see Gilbert anywhere so I make my way up to Mr. Kirkland's office. I climb the flights of stairs and finally arrive at reception of Mr. Kirkland's complex.

"Edelstein," I say to the receptionist and she nods for me to go into the office.

Gilbert slumps in one of the seats across from Mr. Kirkland's desk. His expression is blank as I sit down.

"Mister Edelstein, it's a pleasure to see you again." Kirkland says, smiling at me.

I nod and try to ignore Gilbert's presence besides me.

"Mr. Beilschmidt has done an excellent job of associating your file with the company. I just need you to read over it an correct any errors."

I take the file into my hands and open it, my eyes skimming all the information I already know about myself. Everything is neatly typed and accurate. I nod and hand the file back to Kirkland.

"Everything is right," I say and I see Gilbert half smile out of the corner of my eye. 

"Perfect," Kirkland says and turns to slip the file into a cabinet by his desk. That must be where he keeps the records of everyone. _Including Gilbert's_.

I inhale sharply. I need to get in there so I can read about Gilbert. I hate that my curiosity is eating me alive; I hate that I'm letting it control me like this.

Gilbert stands from his seat and I follow suit. Kirkland shakes my hand and then Gilbert's. I follow Gilbert out of the office.

We walk down the stairs silently. Gilbert has his hands in his pockets and his eyes are cast down.

"Roderich," He says to me suddenly, as we step into our floor.

"Yes?" I say, surprised that he's even talking to me.

"Ever heard of the saying, 'curiosity killed the cat'?"

"Once or twice." I say carefully.

He looks at me with something I can't decipher, nodding, and walks into the office, leaving me and my confusion.

_Curiosity killed the cat._

Did he hear me talking to Ludwig? Oh no. If he did, he must be cross with me. But his tone was so _placid_. I shudder and walk into the office.

Sixteen hundred rolls around and Gilbert stands to leave, walking out without a word. I gather my things and take the lift up to the eleventh floor. I stand in the stairwell, watching as everyone exits Kirkland's complex.They chatter and laugh as they step into the lift. I watch as Mr. Kirkland exits the office, engaged in a phone call.

I silently out of the stairwell, leaving my binder and other items in the stairwell. I walk into the empty complex, double checking that every desk is empty. I walk quickly but quietly and slip into Kirkland's office.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I walk over to the file cabinet I saw Kirkland put my information into. My heart beats loud in my ears. I silently slide open the drawer, examining the files before me. They're alphabetised by surname, as I expected. I quickly find the 'B's' and skim for Beilschmidt, and finally find it.

 _Beilschmidt, Gilbert_.

 _Is this right_? I wage in an internal battle as I stare at the labeled folder in my hands.

I swallow and pull the file out, the smooth manila folder resting in my hands.

 _This is it_.

I flip it open and skim it.

 _Born in Berlin, Germany on January 18, 1991._  
_Educated at Oxford University with degrees in mathematics and calculations._  
Past occupations-

"Roderich?"

The file is dropped from my hands, papers scattering everywhere. I widen my eyes at Gilbert standing in the doorway of Kirkland's office, arms crossed over his chest. I straighten up, brushing myself off. "Gilbert."

Gilbert licks his lips and walks over to me, bending down and retrieving the file. He slowly rises to his full height, eyes unreadable. He doesn't say anything yet and it terrifies me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Sorry," He repeats, his voice deep. "You're  _sorry_ _._ " He looks up at me with blazing eyes and I swallow.

I stay silent as he runs his tongue over his lips, looking back down at the folder in his hands. My heart pounds loudly in my chest.

"Are you aware that this is a serious felony?" He asks me slowly, shutting the manila folder and putting it back into the file cabinet.

I swallow and step away from the cabinet, towards the door.

"You know, when I heard you talking to Ludwig, I figured you were just curious," Gilbert says as he steps towards me, leaving only about a foot of space between us. "But now that I've caught you with my confidential file..." He shakes his head, his eyes mean. "I see that you're just  _nosy_." His eyes flash.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammer.

"Roderich, you need to mind your own  _fucking_ business.  _Yes_ , I know you've had encounters with people I'm involved with.  _Yes_ , I know you know more than you should, but that's not an invitation for you to snoop around my confidential file at all!"

"I'm sorry!" I shout. "I'm sorry that you baffle me and that you're so secretive and my curiosity is eating me alive!"

"You could've asked me anything that was in that file," Gilbert growls.

"You wouldn't of told me anything, Gilbert, and you know it."

"Why does it matter to you, Roderich? Why do  _I_ matter?" His eyes are such a dark shade of red they're almost violet in the dim lighting of the office.

I shrink back away from him, averting my eyes.

"I should turn you in for this," He threatens. "But I won't." His expression, once again, indecipherable.

I want to question him, but instead I turn and pace away from him. There is nothing I can say to him to truly justify my actions.

Why did I think I could get away with looking through his file? I'm such an idiot. A stupid, nosy idiot.

By the time I reach the ground floor, I'm out of breath. I curse myself for wearing the same stupid shoes as when I got attacked. I head outside, looking for Natalia's car.

Gilbert storms out of the building shortly after me. His expression is surprisingly calm as he walks up to me. I look away but he reaches out and grabs my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. His touch sends volts of electricity through me, his touch warm. He drops his hand to his side and stares at me, his gaze intense.

"Do I scare you?" He asks me. The wind blows slightly and his tie flutters, along his his short, silver hair.

"What?"

"Do I scare you." He repeats.

"No." I freeze.

"I don't care if you tell me the truth," He says, almost desperately.

"I already told you," I say. "You don't scare me, why would you?"

Something in his eyes shifts and he turns away, sticking his hands into his pockets.

I take out my phone to call Natalia. It won't surprise me, honestly, if she forgets me again. I guess that I thought the third time's a charm, but apparently I was wrong.

 _If she doesn't pick up, I'm done with her._ My mind says.

She doesn't pick up.

"Damn it!" I curse into the wind, shoving my phone back into my pocket. I sit on a nearby bench and take off my glasses, putting my head in my hands. Why did I ever think Natalia would pick me up after all the times she's forgotten me? She won't change. She was lying to me the other night. I should have known.

Gilbert sits beside me on the bench. I have no idea why he's still here. Seconds ago he was yelling at me, now he's completely calm.

"I am so _fucking_ sick of being put second." I blurt. Gilbert looks at me. "I'm sick of being told that a  _medical internship_ means more than me, I'm sick of compromising, I'm sick of being stood up." I take a breath. "I'm sick of being nice to everyone, I'm sick of following the rules all the time, and I'm sick of pineapple gum." The wind whips at my hair. I feel oddly lighter after my small rant.

Gilbert pulls his pack of mint gum from his pocket and holds it out for me. As much as I try to fight it, a small smile creeps it's way onto my face and I accept it, unwrapping the silver foil and pop the piece into my mouth.

We sit in comfortable silence for a few moments longer. The icy wind continues to blow around us, earning shivers from me. I don't know what I'm waiting for at this point; Natalia is obviously not coming for me.

The mint gum is sweet on my tongue as I chew it. I feel Gilbert's presence practically radiating heat next to me.

"So, are you going to dump her?" Gilbert asks.

I shrug. "I don't know," I say. "Asides from her job interfering, she's great-"

"Bullshit." Gilbert calls out.

I look at my lap, knowing he's right. "I just can't leave her," I say.

"Course you can," Gilbert says. "You're just afraid of being alone."

I look over at him. "No, I'm not."

"It's obvious. This chick treats you like absolute shit yet you still cling to her.'

"I am not clinging to her," I snap. "I could leave at anytime."

"Then do it," Gilbert challenges. "You know you want to."

"I... I could love her."

Gilbert snorts. "Okay."

"What?"

"You're lying. To me and to yourself. Don't let this girl push you around, Roderich. You're better than that."

I cross my arms over my chest. "I don't need this right now."

Gilbert is silent. I hadn't realised how close we're sitting on the bench; our thighs almost touch.

There seems to be an invisible field of electricity sparking between us as we sit in the cold.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

"Want to go do something?" Gilbert asks me.

I look at him skeptically. "Like what?"

"Like play poker."

I shake my head. "No, I don't gamble."

Gilbert snorts. "Of course not."

Something in his tone makes me angry. "You know what," I say, standing. "Let's go play poker. And I will win."

Gilbert's smile widens and he stands along with me. "Not if I beat you," He says, raising an eyebrow.

I smile back at him. "Best of luck," I say.

Gilbert stares at me another moment before turning and leading me to his car. I feel like I've ridden in this car so many times at this point. I can't say I mind now. When we first met, I would have never thought I'd be voluntarily going to play poker with Gilbert. Maybe I'm doing this to spite Natalia, but either way, I don't care. 

"What is this place?" I ask Gilbert.

He half smiles. "The closest thing central London's got to a casino."

I furrow my brow. "Are we not a bit underdressed, if that's the case."

Gilbert looks at me from the corner of his eye. "No, we're fine."

He soon pulls into the lot of a building close to the river. The building is all black, with tainted glass doors. A tall man stands out front, arms crossed over his chest.

"There is a bouncer?" I ask Gilbert as we walk up.

Gilbert shrugs as we approach the man.

"Beilschmidt," The man greets Gilbert. "Good to see you."

"You too, man." Gilbert replies. "Busy tonight?"

"Nah, it's a Monday. Only three or four."

"Nice. See you around."

The man nods to Gilbert and we walk inside.

"Three or four what?" I ask Gilbert.

"Fights," Gilbert replies.

I swallow trepidation that had begun to spark inside of me. Why did I agree to this? I know what types of people Gilbert is involved with. Hell, I was  _attacked_ by two of them.

Inside, the lights are dim and it looks like a legitimate casino. A bar is in the middle, and cigarette smoke fills the air. Gilbert leads me to a poker table in the far corner. I recognise Francis, the man I met when I first moved in, sitting at the table. He smiles at me in recognition.

A few other people sit around the table. A boy with shoulder length brown hair and green eyes who wears green and a boy with blonde hair and glasses with bright blue eyes. My heart almost stops when I recognise one of my attackers; Antonio.

"Bonjour, mon amis." Francis greets us. "Nice to see you, Roderich."

Gilbert sits at the table next to the boy with blonde hair and motions for me to do the same. I feel incredibly out of place in my black slacks and white dress shirt, when I look at the other men.

"This is Toris, Eduard and Antonio." Gilbert says. I clench my jaw as I look at Antonio.

He notices my expression and smirks. "Don't worry, I'm off tonight," Antonio says.

The statement doesn't make me feel too much better but I nod anyway.

"Nice to meet you, Roderich." Toris says.

"As well." I say.

"Alright, enough, let's play poker." Eduard says.

Gilbert cracks his knuckles. "Anyone got a smoke?"

Francis nods and takes a pack out of his pocket. Gilbert takes one and looks at me.

I haven't smoked since the incident. I wouldn't mind it, but I decide against it. I shake my head and I know he's trying to hide a smile.

"I don't want to play poker," Toris says. "Can't we play 21 instead?"

" _Toris_ _."_ Eduard sighs.

"We always play poker," He says. " _Always_."

"I'm fine with 21." Antonio says.

"Fine," Eduard grumbles. Gilbert brings the cigarette to his lips, lighting it, then blows out a puff of smoke. Eduard shuffles the deck and gives everyone two cards.

"Everyone knows how to play 21, right?" Francis asks, looking at me.

I nod. My father would often bring his friends home and they'd play. He'd let me play sometimes.

"Wait, everyones got to contribute." Antonio says, looking at Gilbert and I.

Gilbert reaches into his pocket and slaps three twenty's on the table, the cigarette caught between his lips.

"That's from both of us," He says.

Antonio shrugs and adds them to the already piled high money stack.

I pick my card up from the table, studying them. I have a relatively good hand, amounting to about fifteen. I just need a six...

"I'll go first," Toris says.

"Alright," Eduard says. "Draw or pass?"

Toris bites his lip. "Draw."

Eduard hands him a card and he curses. "Pass." He mumbles.

Eduard smirks and looks to Antonio on his other side.

"Draw," He says. Eduard gives him a card, and he draws twice more after that.

Now it's my turn.

"Draw," I say.

Eduard hands me a card and I internally smirk. It's a six.

"Pass," I tell him and he moves to Gilbert.

"Draw," Gilbert says, his voice raspy from the smoke. He holds the cigarette between his fingers as he examines his cards. He looks so exquisite, dangling the cigarette between his fingers, wisps of smoke escaping his pale lips. "Pass," He says to Eduard after.

After everyone has had their turn, we all lay our cards down. Toris has twenty six, Eduard has nineteen, Antonio and Francis both have twenty, Gilbert and I have twenty one.

"Looks like it's a tie," Gilbert says, his voice slow and deep. His eyes seem to drink me in as he lazily leans on the table.

I half smile. "Looks like."

"Flip a coin," Toris suggests.

I'm about to open my mouth to reply when my phone buzzes in my pocket.

It's Natalia.

"I should take this." I tell them. I slide out of the chair and walk through the area and out to the parking lot.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

I lean against the building and answer the call, sighing.

"Roddy, I'm so sorry, I can't believe-"

"Natalia, where were you today?" I ask, cutting her off.

"I don't know, I really have no excuse-"

"You  _promised_."

"I know, I'm so sorry, Roddy."

I sigh again.

"Are you mad?"

"I don't know. This is the fourth time this has happened, Natalia, it's making me think that you don't care about me."

"How could you think that? Of course I care about you, Roderich."

I sigh. "May we talk later? I am busy at the moment."

"With what?"

"Work. I had to edit some manuscripts at home this week," I lie.

"Oh. Well, I'll talk to you later."

I end the call and breathe the fresh air.

Gilbert emerges from inside, his eyes locking with mine.

"Something wrong?" He asks as he approaches. His cigarette is still poised between his fingers.

"Natalia called," I reply.

"Hmm."

"She was apologising profusely."

"Did you forgive her?"

I don't answer.

"You know, Gilbert," I say. "You win."

He looks at me confusedly.

"21," I clarify. "You win."

Gilbert doesn't say anything. "Hmm."

"Yes. Now, we are even."

"Even?"

"I owe you so many favours, for taking me home, giving me tea, all of that," I say. "I now, I hope we're even."

Gilbert looks at me. "I say we split it fifty-fifty."

I shake my head. "No, it's fine."

Gilbert stamps out the cigarette and turns to look at me. "What are you hiding, Roderich?" He asks me.

"What?"

"I can tell you're hiding something," He says. "It's why you never talk about Austria."

"Well,  _you_  never talk about Germany."

Anguish flashes in Gilbert's eyes and he looks down. "Everyone's got a secret," He says quietly. "It just depends how good you are at keeping it hidden."

I process Gilbert's words.  _It just depends how good you are at keeping it hidden._

"What's your secret, Roderich?" Gilbert asks, stepping forward.

"It's a secret for a reason," I say.

We're only inches apart now, our bodies radiating heat. Gilbert's usual smell of spearmint is laced with smoke, intoxicating me. He leans towards me, our noses almost brushing. "What is your secret?" I ask him, my voice just above a whisper.

"You." Gilbert breaths. He leans in further, our lips brushing momentarily before he wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me.

He slides his tongue between my lips and I feel weak in my knees. His mouth tastes like smoke and mint gum. My arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer as pulse pounds wildly. His lips smooth and soft, like heaven.

He pulls away slightly and I feel cold at the loss of contact but he moves his lips neck, biting gently. I roll my head back onto the wall, sighing as he kisses behind my ear. His breath fans out lightly across my skin.

My eyes flutter shut as he brings his lips back to my own. My heart pulses loudly in my ears but I don't care. All I care about is kissing Gilbert.

And then reality hits me, knocking me onto my back and filling me with guilt.

 _Natalia_.

I bring my palms to Gilbert's chest and push lightly. "Gilbert," I say into his mouth.

He doesn't respond at first, I push him harder. "Gilbert," I say louder, more forcefully. He takes a step back, eyes full of confusion.

"I can't do this," I say. "Natalia..." I ignore the fact that  _I kissed another man_.

Gilbert turns his back on me, running a hand through his hair. He doesn't say anything.

"My apologies," I say quietly, my cheeks flustered.

"For what?" He asks.

"For..." I search for words.

"Come on," He says, his tone cold. "Let's go," He says walking back to his car and I slowly follow.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

I look out the window as we drive home. Gilbert is silent, for obvious reasons. His jaw is locked, hand gripping the steering wheel like a vice.  
Why did he kiss me? Is he gay? Does that mean he likes me? Why would he  _like_ me? He acts like he hates me ninety percent of the time, and the other ten percent he annoys me.

The part that scares me the most is that I kissed him back. I pulled him closer, I let him kiss me. And I _enjoyed_ it.

How could I have done that? I have Natalia. I'm not gay, I don't like Gilbert. Right?

Does this mean I cheated on Natalia?  _With a male_. Gilbert kissed me, but I did kiss him back. A wave of guilt crashes through me like a tsunami and I sit silent, looking out the window.

"Don't fall asleep in my car," Gilbert says in a monotone, eyes flitting over to me briefly.

I sigh.

I yearn to ask him why he kissed me that way; and why he's being so cold now. I think for the umpteenth time that there are so many things I want to ask Gilbert, but I know he'll never answer.

We arrive back at our building and I hastily get out of the car, not waiting for Gilbert to catch up with me. I decide against an awkward lift ride and begin climbing up the stairs, my steps echoing in the concrete stairs.  
As I reach the first landing, I hear someone begin to climb the steps as well. I stop and turn to see Gilbert, his eyes cast down as he catches up with me.  
He stops where I am and looks me in the eyes, his expression blank.  
We stare at each other for a few moments. His gaze is intense, burning with something I can't quite decipher. Gilbert looks like he wants to say something and looks down.

"That wasn't suppose to happen." He says, quietly.

I nod. "I know."

"Are you going to tell her?"

Am I? It would be the right thing to do but a tiny part of me wants to keep the encounter between Gilbert and I-- our own secret that we keep buried away.

"No." I say finally.

"Why not?" Gilbert's tone is challenging.

I shrug. "I have a feeling she has secrets of her own."

"I thought you said she'd never hurt you."

"I am clueless, really."

He finally breaks my gaze and continues to climb the stairs. I turn quickly and follow him. We arrive at our floor and Gilbert digs for his keys. I fish for my own and unlock my door, pushing it open. I turn and look at Gilbert.  
There is so much I want to say to him, to tell him I wish I had never broken the kiss, that he makes me feel a way that I've never felt before. But he's closed off now, and he'd just insult me.

"Thanks... for cheering me up," I say quietly. "And... your friends are nice."

He looks at me, frowning. He nods before opening his door and walking into his flat briskly, the door shutting quietly.  
I can't help but wish I had said something me--  _anything_ more, really. Gilbert confuses and baffles me to no end, but that's the thing about mysteries-- they're made to be solved.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

I scribble edits in my manuscript, desperately trying to focus.

Gilbert hasn't spoken to me, or acknowledged me, at all today. He swivels around in his chair, occasionally chewing on the end of his pen. I know he sees me staring, but he doesn't meet my gaze.  
I am  _dying_ to talk to him; to ask him what happened between us. Does  _he_ even know? He's insulted and snapped at me countless times, so why did he lean in and kiss me?

_And why on earth did I enjoy it?_

" _Psst_."

I snap my gaze away from Gilbert over to Ludwig.

"You okay?" He questions.

I nod distantly, clicking my red pen. "Just distracted." I mumble.

Ludwig smirks. " _By my brother_?"

I quickly shake my head. "Oh, no. It's just... this manuscript is not very interesting." I laugh shakily.

Ludwig chuckles. "Yeah, every once in awhile you get a flop. You best just toss it now and get to the good ones."

I nod. "Thank you."

Ludwig nods and returns to his own work. My eyes flick to the clock on the wall. Ten hundred thirty. Lunch hour isn't for another hour and a half. I decide I need coffee and get up, making my way to the break room.  
Luckily, the pot of coffee on the machine is still warm. I pour myself a cup. My mind flashbacks to when Gilbert and I had tea together and couldn't stop laughing.  
I shake away from the memory and add milk to my coffee. The warm drink coats my throat and I instantly feel calmer.

Someone enters the break room and I turn, expecting to see Gilbert. Instead I find Feliciano, who shoots me a friendly smile. His chestnut hair is the same as always, with one odd curl towards his neck and his hazel eyes squint as he smiles.

"Any more coffee left?" He asks, peering into the pot.

"A bit," I reply, leaning against the counter.

"It's just a coffee kind of day, is it not?"

"I couldn't agree more."

We laugh a bit as Feliciano pours himself a cup. He fixes his tie a bit and leans next to me on the counter.

"So," He says, a cheeky smile crossing his lips. "Ludwig is taking me out to dinner Friday night." His cheeks flush and he looks into his coffee.

A smile makes it's way to my lips. "That's very wonderful."

He laughs and nods, his cheeks rosy pink.

"When did he ask you?" I inquire.

"Yesterday, after work. He was so nervous, you should have seen." He gushes.

"How cute." I say, still smiling.

Feliciano nods and blushes again. "So how's Natalia?" He sips his coffee.

"She's pretty well." I reply, my smile fading. "We are still working through some issues."

Feliciano nods, his brow furrowing. "I hope everything works out." She says earnestly.

_I don't._

"As well." I say, ignoring my thoughts.

Feliciano sighs and grins. "Well, back to work."

"I expect full details after Friday," I smile as we exit the break room.

"Of course." He chirps, walking back to his workspace.

I slide back into my seat, setting the coffee cup on the desk. Gilbert does not acknowledge me, yet again. Shocker.

I don't know why I'm bothered so much; it was just a kiss. He probably didn't even mean it.  _I_ didn't mean it. It was just a petty mistake.

I grab a Post-It from my desk and scribble a note to Gilbert. I just need closure on what happened between us and everything will be back to normal.

_May we chat at lunch?_

I ball it up and toss it on his desk. It lands right next to his arm. He lifts his head to look at the paper, and then me. He doesn't break my gaze as he uses his arm to push the unopened note into the trashcan  ~~ _me lol_~~ next to his desk. _  
_

"Get back to work, Roderich." He flatly says, before looking back down to his own work.

 _Gilbert_ telling  _me_ to get back to work. Ironic.

How the tables have turned.

I begrudgingly look back at my manuscript. I read the same sentence three times before I actually comprehend what it states.

Twelve hundred rolls around and I organise my desk before I have to go to the break room for lunch. Gilbert doesn't move from his desk.

"Roddy!"

I turn in my seat and break into a smile at the sight of Natalia. She stands by the reception desk, her eyes squinted in a smile.  
I shoot up from my desk, walking over and wrapping my arms around her waist. I breathe in the familiar scent of her perfume.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as we pull away.

"I wanted to make up for how I haven't exactly been here for you." She says.

_Oh, yes. Of course._

I nod.

"So I brought you lunch!" She holds up a brown bag with the word 'Starbucks' and the familiar logo. "You've got to try the Vanilla Bean Frappe, it's the best in London." Natalia says proudly.

I smile and kiss her on the cheek. "Thank you," I say. "This was very thoughtful of you."

She shrugs. "You deserve it, Roddy."

As I lead Natalia to the break room, all my prior anger seems to wash away. She does care about me, of course she does. Why did I ever think otherwise? She's so caring and thoughtful, her job is just very demanding.

We sit down at a table, and I feel a pang of guilt in my chest as I remember how Gilbert and I kissed. Without a doubt, Natalia would leave me if she ever found out.

Natalia opens the brown bag and brings out two large Frappuccinos and two Croque Monsieur Panini's. We start eating.

"Didn't I tell you they're the best?" Natalia boastfully smiles and takes a sip of her Frappuccino.

What Natalia doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

I just nod and smile, continuing to eat. We make small talk throughout the meal. I tell her about the manuscript I'm editing and she tells me about her internship. No matter how hard I try, I can't get Gilbert's mocking words out of my mind as Natalia goes on about the possible warning signs of cardiac arrest.

My coworkers file in and out of the break room around us, and I keep a watchful eye out for Gilbert. The last thing I need is Gilbert telling Natalia about the.. events.

It's not like I kissed him first. Why would I? He  _kissed_ me.

I hear someone enter the room and my eyes turn to the door. My pulse quickens when the familiar fiery crimson gaze lands on mine.

Gilbert saunters over to the fridge, casually opening it. Natalia seems to recognise Gilbert and my heart drops to the pit of my stomach when she speaks.

"Hey, Gilbert, right?"

Gilbert looks at Natalia from over the fridge. He straightens his posture and grabs a Diet Coke before shutting the fridge slowly. "Yeah," He says. "That's right."

I swallow.

"Nice to see you." Natalia says.

"And you too." Gilbert replies coolly.

"Want to join us?"

I refrain from pulling us out.

I look at Gilbert.

_Please say no. Please say no. Please say-_

"Sure," Gilbert says, a smile spreading on his face as he slides into the seat across from me. I mentally curse.

Gilbert opens his Diet Coke, taking a long sip. I chew on my lip worriedly as Natalia finishes her Croque Monsieur Panini. 

"So how's the internship going?"

"Pretty good." Natalia replies.

"Well," Gilbert says.

"Pardon?" 

"It's going pretty  _well_." 

Gilbert correcting Natalia's grammar?

"I stand corrected," Natalia laughs.

Gilbert just smirks wider and I stare at the table. Grinding my internal organs in a blender would be more comfortable than this conversation.

"So what have you two been up to?" Natalia asks.

I freeze, snapping my gaze up. Gilbert swallows.

"W-What?" I ask.

"Around the office," Natalia says. "How's work going?"

I sigh in relief and Gilbert leans back in his seat. That was too close.

"Very well." I say and Gilbert nods.

"Cool, cool," Natalia says, nodding. "You're an accountant, right?"

Gilbert nods. "That I am."

"So you're like, a math nerd?"

I mentally face palm.

"A math nerd." Gilbert repeats slowly.

"Yeah, you know, like on TV."

The more Natalia talks, the more unintellectual she sounds. I've never felt so embarrassed for someone else in my life.

"I don't think I am 'a math nerd' like on TV." Gilbert says.

Natalia laughs. "I'm just teasing, Gil." I can tell he cringed a bit.

Gilbert licks his lips. "Of course." He crosses his arms over his chest. "On the subject of teasing," He says. "How's that internship going? You know, the one you don't get paid for?" Gilbert smirks. "It's 'pretty good' I hear?"

I glare at Gilbert, begging him to stop talking. This is the worst possible scenario.

"Look, Gil, I didn't mean to offend you or anything," Natalia says, laughing shakily.

"I'm not offended," Gilbert says, shrugging. "I'm just teasing,  _Natalia_." A mean grin spreads across Gilbert's lips.

I can't take it anymore. I stand from my seat, glaring at Gilbert.

"Lunch break is over soon." I say to Natalia. "I'll walk you to your car." I shoot a venomous glare at Gilbert, but he only smiles wider.

Natalia nods and I throw our trash away before following her out of the break room. I am beyond cross at Gilbert, I can barely keep my calm.

Natalia and I take the lift down to the lobby and walk out into the parking lot. The cool autumn air doesn't seem to sooth my temper, however.

"I apologise for Gilbert being a complete fool." I say as we stop at Natalia's car.

Natalia shrugs. "He was just kidding, I get it."

 _No, he wasn't_.

I smile. "Thank you for bringing me lunch." I say as she steps toward me and kisses my cheek.

"No problem! It was great seeing you, Roddy."

"When can we meet again?"

Natalia avoids my gaze. "Um... probably not until the weekend. Work is swamped."

I nod. "Oh."

"I'm sorry, Roddy."

"It's nothing to worry about." I kiss her on the lips softly before she gets into her car. My mind automatically compares the small kiss to my kiss with Gilbert, and I quickly shake my head to clear the outrageous thought.

Natalia slips on her sunglasses and pulls out of the lot. I wave goodbye before turning and walking back to the building. My pervious anger with Gilbert builds up again as I enter the office. I find him still in the break room, playing with his phone. His opened Diet Coke sits in front of him. He looks up when I walk in.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I snap at him.

He raises an eyebrow at my outburst, locking his phone. "Pardon?"

"How could you say that to Natalia? What did she ever do to you?"

A taunting grin replaces the shock on Gilbert's face.

"Stop smiling like that!" I yell at him. Thank goodness no one else is in the break room to witness this.

"Will you calm down, specs?" Gilbert says, standing. He rises to his full height before me.

"No, I will certainly will not calm down. You made a fool of Natalia right in her face!"

"So?"

I search for words. I open my mouth, then clamp it shut. "You're a real imbecile, Gilbert." I finally sneer before turning and storming out of the break room.

"Ooh, you got me there, Roderich. You've never called me other than stupid names. I was expecting something more creative!"

It takes me a good twenty minutes to calm down. I stare at my manuscript and mull over my hatred for Gilbert.

Sixteen hundred rolls around and I drive home without a word to anyone. I feel Gilbert's eyes on me from the sidewalk as I start my car and drive away from Kirkland.

I fumble for my key when I get home and stick it in the lock of the flat, twisting it. I furrow my brow when I find the door unlocked. That's odd, I could have sworn I locked it this morning.

When I push the door open to the flat, I freeze.


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

The flat is utterly ruined.

Everything is strewn from it's place. Books lay open on the floor, pillow and blankets from the couch are scattered everywhere. The cabinets in the kitchen are thrown open and pots and pans lie in random places. The windows are wide open, the white curtains billowing in the breeze. Glass lays on the floor, shattered.

I rush into the bedroom. My bed that was neatly made this morning is dishevelled. The sheets are wrinkled and the pillows are all over the place. The picture of Natalia and I lies cracked on the tiled floor. Tears of anger build behind my eyes and I take off my glasses, reaching for my phone.

I bustle around the flat, scouting for anything missing. It baffles me when I find that everything  ~~ _aside from plates and other china that lie broken on the floor_~~ is here.

There's a harsh knock at the door and Gilbert steps into the flat, worry on his face.

"Roderich? What-" He takes in the appearance of the flat and shuts his mouth. A piece of paper is crumpled in his fist.

I sit on the couch and bury my head in my hands. "I- I think I've been robbed." I mumbled. "But it doesn't seem like anything is missing."  
I feel Gilbert sit beside me. He puts a soothing arm around my shoulder and I find myself leaning onto him, soaking his fresh t-shirt in salty tears.  
"Who would have done this?" I ask. "Why would they just ransack the flat and leave?"  
Gilbert stiffens beside me. He stands, turning his back to me as he looks out the bay window of the living room. He still clenches the paper in his fists. I wonder what it says.  
"Gilbert?" I ask slowly.

Gilbert turns slightly, looking at the floor. "It was..." He clears his throat. "Ivan and his people."

My breath hitches in my throat and my blood turns cold. "What?"

"They came here because they think you know something." Gilbert rattles off, beginning to pace. "They think you're hiding information. They're assuming I've told you confidential facts, and they're damn bloody wrong!" Gilbert's voice crescendos.

I frown. "What do we do?"

Gilbert stops pacing and looks at me. "We need to stay away from each other." He answers simply.

My heart involuntarily drops in my chest. I nod slowly.

"But we both know that won't happen, will it?" Gilbert's eyes don't leave mine as he speaks.

I feel my pulse quicken as he sits back down next to me. I don't entirely know what he means by his words, but in an odd way I am comforted by them.

"Are you okay?" Gilbert asks me quietly.

I turn my head to look at him. "Yes," I answer, exhaling slowly.

He looks at me, hard. This is the same man I was furious with hours ago, and now he's here next to me, after my flat had been ransacked.  _What a fucking day_.

"Okay," He says quietly and stands, walking over to the door. I follow him, placing my glasses back on my face.

"I am going to call the police." I tell him.

"Don't," Gilbert says. "Don't call the police."

"Why not?"

"Trust me, that will only make things worst."

" _Trust_ you?" I scoff.

Gilbert looks at me with apprehension in his eyes. "You don't trust me?"

"I do not have a valid reason to."

"Back to this, are we?"'

"Stop trying to act like a hero. I did not even invite you over, you just walked in."

"Naturally I would, when I hear you making so much bloody noise!" 

"Gilbert!" I press my fingers to my temples, shutting my eyes. "I have had a  _hell_ of a day, and I don't need to fight with you again."

Gilbert frowns.

"I am tired, aggravated, violated and scared out of my damn mind so please, do me a favour and leave." I open my eyes.

"You said you were okay." Gilbert's expression is serious.

"I lied." The words tumble out of me. I  _did_ lie. I am terrified of what I've got myself into.

The corners of Gilbert's mouth turn down. He sighs. "Come on, then," He says, turning and walking toward his flat.

"What?"

"You can stay with me for now." He opens the door and looks back at me.

I shake my head. "No. I don't want to-"

"If you don't, then you're not safe. Didn't I say I was going to keep you safe from all this shit with Ivan?"

I nod slowly.

"Right. Come on, now." He tilts his head, giving me a small smile. His white t-shirt is wet with my tears still and he has only socks on his feet, having changed into his jeans since work.

Why he's promising to keep me safe, I have no clue. All signs show that he hates me, but now he looks so comforting and caring.

I sigh and follow him into his flat.

Gilbert's flat looks exactly the same as it did last time I was here. The walls are a dull grey and the place is deprived of light.

"Do you need anything?" Gilbert asks me as I shut the front door behind me.

I shake my head.

"Roderich," Gilbert sighs, stepping around the couch so he's standing directly in front of me. "Are you sure you're-"

"I'm fine," I say before he can finish. "I'm just a bit petrified." I say.

Gilbert nods and turns around, walking into the kitchen. "It's five, so I'm going to make something to eat." He says and opens the refrigerator. "I hope you like mac and cheese."

A smile breaks onto my face. "It's my favourite."

He looks at me from over the refrigerator door. He smiles, his dimples appearing. "Is that so?"

I nod, moving to the kitchen island where I sit on a bar stool.

"It happens to be my favourite, too." He says, pulling out a stick of butter from the fridge. "I also happen to make the best."

I snort. "Doubtful."

"Quick to judge, specs," He says as he puts a pot of water of the stove to boil. 

"I've had much macaroni and cheese in my lifetime," I tell him. "You've got some competition."

"Have you had authentic macaroni?"

"Authentic?"

"Yeah. From Italy." He smiles. " _In_ Italy."

I grin. "It just so happens I have."

"Are you adventurous?"

"Well, yes."

"'Course you are." He smirks.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Nothing, it just ties in with your personality perfectly."

 _"Gil_." I clamp my mouth shut after realising what I've just said.

Gilbert laughs. "I'm just teasing, Roddy."

A jolt rushes through me at the pet name. My face loses all humour and I look down.

Gilbert stops moving and looks at me. "What's wrong?"

"May you please... stop calling me that." I say quietly. "It hits a nerve."

He turns toward me fully, pressing his palms to the counter as he leans forward slightly. "What kind of nerve?"

I look up at him. "A nerve I rather not talk about."

Gilbert raises an eyebrow. "What, don't trust me?"

"I've established that."

He smiles crookedly. "What's it going to take then?"

"What, for me to trust you?"

Gilbert shrugs.

I purse my lips.

"You've got to trust me enough if you're here and not there." He gestures toward the direction of my flat.

"Only because you know these people better than I do."

Gilbert laughs dryly and turns back to his cooking. I watch as he stirs the pasta in the pot.

"You know, this world would descend to anarchy without trust." Gilbert says as he continues to cook.

I tilt my head at him. "How so?"

Gilbert turns the stove off and picks up the pot, walking over to the sink and draining the pasta. "If no one has trust for another, it's every man for himself. There are no allies of any kind, because no one has trust in anyone. There's no government or monarchy because no one would trust anyone enough to run a country." Gilbert pours the drained pasta back into the pot and stirs it a bit before adding the cheese. "The human population would also diminish," He goes on as he stirs. "If no one has trust for one another, then no one would fall in love. If no one falls in love, there's no marriage or reproduction. Natural reproduction, anyways." Gilbert smirks at me.

I think about his words. "You have that all figured out, do you not?"

Gilbert shrugs. "I've got a lot of things figured out."

"May I ask what else?"

"Like the fact that you don't want to be with Natalia, yet you still cling with her because you're afraid of being alone." Gilbert pours the pasta onto two plates casually.

I clench my jaw. "That is absolutely not true."

"Then why are you here, and not at Natalia's place? Does she even know you're been burglarised?" Gilbert slides a plate of macaroni across the counter to me.

"That is not the point," I say. "She is working." Gilbert slides me a fork as well.

"Then what is the point?"

I narrow my eyes at Gilbert. "That is none of you business."

"Alright, then just admit you're afraid of being alone."

"No."

Gilbert shrugs as he begins to eat. "We both know it's true, Roddy."

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"I'll stop once you admit you're afraid of being-"

"I am not!"

"Then prove it."

I scoff. "How am I suppose to prove something like that?"

"Admit you have no feelings for Natalia."

"Why do you even care?"

Gilbert half smiles. He doesn't answer me as he turns and pulls a bottle of white wine from a cabinet. He opens it and pours two glasses.  
"You know, you remind me a lot of my father," He says as he brings the glass to his lips.

I tentatively sip my own glass. He's never spoken about his family before.

"He was the same way," He goes on. "Never wanted to be alone." He looks out the kitchen window at the darkening sky.

"What happened to him?" I ask.

Gilbert lets out a humourless laugh that sends chills down my spine. "He's dead," He answers venomously. His smirk drops from his face and he looks into his glass.

I part my lips. Before I know what I'm doing, I reach across the counter and put my hand over Gilbert's. He seems shocked at my gesture, but doesn't move his hand.  
Gilbert is silent for a few moments before moving his hand away from mine and drowning the rest of his glass of wine.

It feels like the atmosphere has changed between us with Gilbert's slight revelation. I find the old feeling of curiosity creep back into my chest and a thousand questions pour into my mind about the past. How did he die? What about his mother? Is that the reason he left Germany? I shake my head. It is none of my business.

We finish eating dinner, which was surprisingly fantastic, and I help Gilbert clean the kitchen.

"My family hate me." I say as we load the dishwasher. I have no idea why I felt the urge to say that. Maybe it's because he revealed something to me, so I should reveal something in return.

Gilbert looks up at me after putting a dish in and rises to his full height. "Hate is a strong word." He says.

"It is appropriate in this context." I assure him.

"And why do they hate you?" He asks, shutting the dish washer.

Memories flash before my eyes. I shake my head slowly.

Gilbert studies me, his expression serious. I break his gaze and look down.  
He moves past me to the fridge. "Any sweets you want?" He asks.

"What have you got?"

"Uh..." He narrows his eyes, skimming the racks. He shuts the fridge and opens a cabinet. He pulls out three pack of Ferrero Rocher's and tosses it to me.

I catch it. "How on earth did you know this is my favourite?" I ask.

"It's my favourite too," He says, pulling out another for himself. I smile.

We sit and watch television for a while, just eating our Ferrero Rocher's. Flashes of my ransacked flat still flash in my mind, but for now I push them away.  
I lean on a pillow as my eyelids get heavy. I can smell Gilbert's indescribable scent from where I am, and it relaxes me.

"Getting sleepy?" Gilbert's voice startles me a bit and my eyes turn to him. He smiles.

I sit up and nod faintly.

"I'll get you some blankets-"

"No," I pull his arm back down. He sits beside me again, looking at me confusedly. "I don't wish to sleep yet." I say.

Gilbert raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. "Okay." He shrugs

"It is Friday after all."

Gilbert chuckles. "No more Rocher's for you, you're being weird."

I frown. "Unfair."

"Too bad."

I hold back laughter, accidentally leaning on his arm but he doesn't seem to mind and neither do I. The mixture of sleepiness, sugar and wine courses through my veins.

"May I ask you a question, Gilbert?" I sit up and we make eye contact.

"I suppose." Gilbert smiles.

"Why did you kiss me that night?"


	31. Chapter Thirty

The shock on Gilbert's face is evident with our eyes still locked. I never meant to ask that out loud, but now I anxiously await an answer.   
Gilbert's eyes trail over my face. "Why did you kiss me back?" He counters.

I open my mouth. "I-I..."

"After all, you  _are_ with Natalia."

The atmosphere has changed yet again, and it's giving me a whiplash.

"I do not want to talk about this." I say.

"You brought it up."

" _You're_ the one who  _kissed_ me!"

Gilbert stands from the couch, turning his back to me. I regret bringing this up at all.

"I'll get you some blankets," He says coldly and disappears into his room. I stand and look at his direction.

Gilbert returns with the same pillow and blanket I used last time. I chew on the inside of my lip.

"I apologise," I say. "I do not want to quarrel with you."

To my utter surprise, a smile spreads across Gilbert's face and he drops the blankets on the floor, doubling over in laughter.

I stare at him. "What is so humorous?"

Gilbert puts his hands on his knees, gasping for breath as he continues to laugh. "Roderich, why the hell would you use _quarrel_?"

I smile slightly before I cover my mouth from laughter.

Gilbert falls back onto the couch, still laughing. I sit as well, a smile still built upon my lips.

I lean back on his arm. I like the feeling of his skin on mine, as weird as that sounds.  _Am I developing feeling for another man? And it's **Gilbert** , may I_  _add._

"Gilbert, are we friends?" I ask.

Gilbert sighs. "I don't know, Roderich." He says.

"Why can we be?" I seem to have no control over my words.

"Are you saying you'd  _like_ to be friends?"

"Well, when you're not being an imbecile, you're actually quite pleasant company." I say.

He look down at me. "Thanks," He says sarcastically and we snicker. I watch his dimples carve delicately into his freckled cheeks as he smiles.

"Okay, Roderich," He says. "If you really want to be friends, then we can be friends."

"Really?"

"Sure. I mean, you already know where my stash Rocher 's is, so I guess there is nothing left to hide." He smirks.

_Nothing left to hide._

"You have a stash up there?" My eyes widen.

"Shit," He says, shaking his head and smiling. I snicker. "Yes," He says. "I've got like three hundred up there."

" _Three hundred._ What, are you expecting to be caught in an apocalyptic attack or any thing of the sort?"

"Like Rocher's would help me in an apocalypse. Get your facts right, specs."

I smack his arm and he winces slightly, laughing.

"Watch it, specs." He says.

"Imbecile." I say, sitting up and crossing my arms over my chest.

"So you don't like being called 'Roddy,' and you don't like 'specs or aristocrat' either. What the hell am I suppose to call you?" 

" _Roderich!_ "

"Not if we're going to be friends, I not."

I pelt him with a pillow and roll my eyes. "If that's how it's going to be, then I deny your friendship."

"Oh, there's no going back now. You know where I keep my Rocher's." 

I laugh lightly again and lean back on his arm. I have no idea why I keep leaning on him like that, but neither of us seem to object to it.  
The television is still playing an episode of Adventure Time, which we both turn our attention to.  
Gilbert leans back into the couch and I curl up next to him. A comfortable silence descends upon us as we watch to late night rerun, occasionally laughing or commenting on the program.  
I fight to keep my eyes open, but I fail as I rest them shut. I lean my head on Gilbert's shoulder, breathing in his scent and truly relaxing for the first time in days. I fall asleep shortly, the sounds of the television muffling around me. I've never fallen asleep next to Natalia.

Guilt consumes my dreams as Natalia makes her way back into my thoughts. Why should I feel guilty? Gilbert and I are just friends. Besides, I am not homosexual.  _At least I think._

I wake up in the middle of the night, still leaning on Gilbert. I can tell he's asleep, too, from hid slow, steady breathing. His arm as moved so that it is wrapped loosely around my waist, and his head leans towards me, our foreheads slightly touching. His body is warm next to mine.  
I smile a bit in my sleepy state, knowing that if I was regular Roderich, I would shove him off me and storm back to my flat.  
But regular Roderich is slowly fading away. I don't think I object much to that.

I cuddle back up closer to Gilbert and shut my eyes again. He stirs a bit, sighing in his sleep and wrapping his arm tighter around me. I fall back asleep with the trace of crimson eyes and the smell of spearmint in my mind.

 


	32. Chapter Thirty One

When I wake up in the morning, I am lying lengthwise on the couch, wrapped snugly in a blanket. The events of the night before flood back to my memory, how Gilbert and I decided to be friends and we both fell asleep on the couch. He must have moved me when he awoke.

I hear a hushed voice speaking around me.

" _Yes,_ I got the goddamn note," Gilbert is saying. He must be on the phone. There's a pause. "Look, he has nothing to do with anything at all, so _leave him alone_." My heart rate seems to accelerates.

"He's not part of this! What do I have to do for you to let him be?"

A pause.

"I haven't told him shit, why can't you just listen to me?" His voice raises slightly.

He sighs. _"Fuck,"_ He curses under his breath.

There's a short pause. "Alright, I'll be there by fifteen."

I assume he hangs up, because a string of curses emits from him.

What note? What is he going to do at fifteen hundred?

I yearn to find out, but I know I risk losing our newly found friendship if I snoop.

I stay with my thoughts a while longer before falling back asleep.

After what seems like minutes later, the smell of avocados and fresh tortillas engulfs my senses and I sit up slowly, squinting at the time on the clock hung on the wall.

10:42

"Ah, you're up," Gilbert smiles at me from the kitchen where he chops avocados and peels them. He wears a denim button down shirt with the top undone and his usual dark jeans. Multiple freckles are visible from where I am and he has a yellow bird on the top of his head. "About time, too, I found this fella hurt on the windowsill. I sort of helped." He shrugs and smiles wider. He places a baked tortilla on a plate and smooths avocado down on it. "I thought you'd gone into hibernation."

The nice side of Gilbert is one that I'm unaccustomed to, and it takes me a moment to respond. "You could have woken me," I say, standing from the couch. I look down at myself and realize I'm still wearing my slacks and dress shirt from yesterday. I sigh.

"I brought you some fresh clothes," Gilbert says, nodding past me at the coffee table. "I thought you'd want to change." I look down at the coffee table and sure enough, fresh jeans and a top are neatly folded. I pick them up, smiling a bit.

"Thank you," I say, stifling a laugh. Gilbert went through his things to get me a change of clothing and helped a bird? Who is this person and what have they done with Gilbert?

Gilbert raises an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I say, shaking my head. "I will just go change."

I lock myself in the bathroom and stare at my reflection.

I quickly change into the black jeans and red flannel long sleeve shirt. I can faintly smell the scent of Gilbert on the clothes. I run a hang through my hair and rub my eyes before exiting the bathroom.

I remember the phone call I overheard this earlier this morning.

I can't let him know I heard.

"So," I say as Gilbert hands me a plate of breakfast. "What are your plans for the day?"

Gilbert shrugs. "Not a lot," He says. "What about you?"

"I have the need to go grocery shopping," I tell him. Well, it _is_ true. I am low on food, and I'll need it for the week.

"Sounds like a blast." Gilbert says, picking up his phone and scrolling through it.

I nod and continue eating. I want to know where he's going this afternoon. It feels like the curiosity is crawling inside my flesh.

I help Gilbert clean the dishes when we're finished eating. He leans against the counter and crosses his arms loosely over his chest.

"Thank you for letting me stay." I say quietly.

He nods. "I _am_ sort of the reason why all that happened." The corners of his mouth turn down.

"Don't blame yourself." I say.

Gilbert doesn't say anything as I walk to the door, my clothes from yesterday folded in my arms.

"I guess I'll see you at work, then," I say to Gilbert.

He nods again and shoots me a half smile. I unlock my flat and enter, gasping when I see the place.  
Everything is neatly back in place. The pillows are arranged perfectly on the couch and all the broken glass is gone. I walk into my bedroom. The bed is made and everything is just as it was before. The photo of Natalia and I has a crack straight down the center, dividing it in half. I frown. I will have to get it a new frame.

I put my clothes down and walk back into the living room. My eye catches a piece of paper on the kitchen counter.

_\--Roddy_

_Sorry about the mess the other day. I thought you'd need some help cleaning._

_\--Gilbert_

The gesture is very kind, I barely notice he called me 'Roddy.' I fold the note and put it in the jean pocket.  
I gather my things back up and exit the flat, making sure lock the door behind me. I get in my car and drive to the shop, thinking of how I fell asleep next to Gilbert last night.  
Would Natalia be upset? Nothing happened. I just fell asleep, and so did he. No big deal, right?

 _Yes, but you've kissed Gilbert,_ my mind sneers. _He kissed you, and you kissed him black._

I swallow. Should I tell Natalia? Would she get cross and have her leave?

I decide against it for the time being. With all this commotion involving my flat, I do not want to deal with an angry Natalia right now.

I park my car at the Safeway and walk into the shop, pulling up my shopping list on my phone. I walk through the isles, pulling different foods from the shelves and put them in the cart.  
I am deciding on what flavour of cake batter to get when I hear my name.

"Roderich!"

I turn and meet the warm blue eyes of Francis. He smiles at me.

"Hello." I say, shooting him a smile.

"Fancy seeing you here," He says. "Picking out cake, I see."

"Yes." I say. "Any suggestions?"

"They're all good to me." He says, shrugging.

I hum. "I prefer chocolate."

"That's a good one."

When I first met Francis, he had mentioned that he was friends with Gilbert. He had been on his way to Gilbert's flat.

"Francis," I say. "How long have you and Gilbert known each other?"

"I've known Gilbert since we were seven. Even then he was cocky." He says, stifling a small laugh.

"I see." I smile. "What... How does he know Antonio?" Surely Francis must know Antonio if they were playing poker together that night. And Antonio obviously works with Gilbert in whatever it is Gilbert does outside of Kirkland.

Francis raises an eyebrow. "The three of us have known each other since we were kids." He says.

"Hmm." I nod. Francis must think I'm insane for asking these odd questions. "I was just wondering."

"Right," Francis smiles again. "Well, I've got to run. See you around, Roderich."

"Goodbye." I smile back at him as he turns and walks away. I notice he didn't buy anything.  
I check the time. It's fourteen hundred. Whatever it is that Gilbert has to do is in an hour.  
I move to check out my items.

 


	33. Chapter Thirty Two

As I unlock the door to the flat, Gilbert steps out of his. He wears a dark brown leather jacket and holds his phone in his hand, his expression serious.

"Hi." I greet him, setting down my groceries just inside of the flat before turning back to talk to him.

He nods at me absently, looking at his phone. "Hey."

"Where are you off to?"

He locks his phone and looks up to me. "Running some errands."

"Sounds fun." I say and peek at the time on my phone. 14:36. "Thank you for organising my flat, by the way," I say. "You didn't have to do that."

"It was no problem." He says, shrugging.

"Well... thank you, anyway."

Gilbert's eyes dart around and he chews on his lip. I've never seen him look so anxious.

"How is accounting going?" I ask.

"Same as always," He replies. "It's math, nothing really changes."

"Right." I nod. "Does it not grown old doing math all of the time?"

"I don't know. I like it."

"Hmm. I've always been better at music myself-"

"Yeah." Gilbert looks at me impatiently.

"Ever since secondary school." I say. "My mistake, ever since primary school-"

"Yeah, listen Roderich, I really have to go-"

"Yes, right, my apologies. Have fun." I internally curse as he nods to me and walks down the hall into the lift. I check the time again. 14:42. Well, used eight minutes of his time.  
I wait another two minutes before hurrying down the stairs to the lobby. I look through a crack in the door of the stairwell and watch as Gilbert exits the building, eyes cast down. I quickly follow behind.

I expect him to get into his vehicle, but he walks right past the parking lot and out into the street, looking both ways before crossing quickly. I fall back into the crowd of people, keeping an eye on his back.  
I know I'm risking so much by following Gilbert again, but I consider myself to be part of whatever he does now. I have has two run-ins with these people, and I want to know what it is they do.

Gilbert turns a corner. I follow him down three more blocks until he ducks into a narrow side street.   
I watch him from behind a dumpster as he walks up to a grey door in the side of a tall, brick building. He takes a yellow piece of paper out of his pocket and I squint behind my glasses to see what he's doing.   
He reaches out to a keypad next to the door and punches in a number. I memorise the sequence he punches in and watch carefully as he puts the yellow paper back in his pocket. The door clicks open.

I know I have to act fast. 

As soon as the door shuts, I hurry up to the keypad.

I reach out and hit the six numbers I watched Gilbert enter.

2-2-1-0-0-7

There's a hiss and the door clicks open. Relief floods through me as I slip inside, the door falling shut behind me.  
A long corridor stretches ahead of me, a number of doors line it but I catch a glimpse of Gilbert's dark jacket at the end.  
I make my way down the hall, trying to make my steps as soft as possible. Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I round a corner and instantly duck behind the nearest wall.  
The hallway opens into a large room. A circular table sits in the middle, with chairs all around it. I recognise quite a few people sitting at the table and I swallow.

Ivan, the man with the purple scarf, sits at the head of the table, an amused expression upon his face. Next to him is Antonio, one of my attackers that still scare me. Toris, the boy with shoulder length hair from when Gilbert took me to play poker, sits next to Antonio.

I almost gasp at the others I see.

Ludwig sits across from Antonio, tapping his fingers on the table. He looks tense as he waits for whatever is suppose to happen to commence.  
Francis, the man I made small talk with not even an hour ago, sits next to Ludwig. His face is blank as he stares off into space.

I move into the room, ducking behind multiple tall potted plants in the corner. I can tell they're fake plants, and they seem oddly out of place here. I have a perfect view of the room from my station behind the foliage.  
I peer through the fronds and watch as Gilbert takes a seat at the table. His jaw is clenched and he looks down at the table.

"And what is it that took you so long?" Ivan say surprisingly calm, breaking the silence.

Gilbert's head shoots up. "Traffic." He easily lies.

"I see," Ivan says, his bright violet eyes gleaming in the dim light. "Now, let's get down to business, yes?"   
Everyone sits up in their seats.

"L. Beilschmidt, I believe you have information." Ivan looks to Ludwig.

Ludwig adjusts his glasses. "Nothing was found at the unit," He states. "No evidence at least. We stifled through quite well." His expression unreadable.  _Unit... does he mean..._

"Of course nothing was found!" Gilbert says. "There was nothing to  _be_ found!" His cheeks flush.

"Piss off, Beilschmidt," Ivan snaps. "We'll get to you in a minute." 

Gilbert frowns but doesn't say anything.

Ivan looks back to Ludwig. "You found no documents of any kind?"

Ludwig shakes his head. "If there is any written information or documents, they are not in his flat."

I stifle a gasp.  _Ludwig_ was the one who broke into my flat?

"Interesting, very interesting." Ivan muses, folding his hands in his lap.

There's a short silence. Gilbert chews on his lip so much I think he might chew right through it. I feel so nosy and out of place, but my desire is to understand what is going on overpowers my conscience.

"Anyone else have any information before we discuss Beilschmidt?" Ivan asks.

No one says anything. 

"All right," Ivan says. He grabs a pack of cigarettes that sit at the table and lights one, placing it between his lips. "Beilschmidt," He says in a way that sends chills down my spine. "Anything you'd like to share?"

Gilbert sits up, leaning on the table. "Yeah, damn right I do," He sneers. "What the hell was that back there?! Ransacking his damn flat?!" 

My heart pounds.

"You don't understand the threat the boy poses to this corporation," Ivan says, taking a drag of his cigarette.

"He poses  _no_ threat," Gilbert says. The only reason why he knows shit about this  _corporation_ is because you sent Idiot One and Idiot Two after him when he was walking home!" Gilbert shouts gesturing to Antonio and Francis. My heart sinks.  _It was Francis?_

"This is a very confidential... enterprise," Ivan says, choosing his words carefully. "And we don't need little mister love interest learning vital information."

Most everyone laughs and hoots, and Gilbert's cheeks turn red with anger.

"He's anything  _but_ a love interest." He spits.

"Oh?" Ivan says. "Describe your relationship, then. Why do you take him home from work? Why do you always seem to be around him? Don't say it's because you're 'friends,' we all see the way you look at him."

Gilbert's jaw clenches again. My heart beats loudly as everyone awaits a reply.

"He's _not_ a _love_ interest." He sneers at last.

Ivan smirks. "Then why should we leave him alone?" 

"Because he has nothing to do with any this." Gilbert says.

Ivan laughs dryly. "Amusing, quite amusing." He says and leans forward. "You don't know where he is, do you, Beilschmidt?"


	34. Chapter Thirty Three

My heart climbs to my throat, beating rapidly.

Gilbert clenches his jaw. "Of course I know where he is!" He snaps. "He's at his flat."

Ivan laughs venomously. "His flat, you say?"

Gilbert parts his lips, his brow furrowed. "Where else would he be?"

An evil smile crosses Ivan's face. He leans back in his chair, swivelling in it so he's facing my hiding spot directly.

Fear spreads through me like a wildfire.  _How could he know?_

"Roderich, dear," Ivan calls. "You  _do_ know we have security cameras, don't you?"

All eyes turn to where Ivan is looking. My body seems to be paralysed as my breath hitches in my throat.

"Come now, don't be shy." Ivan says, bringing his cigarette to his lips to take a leisurely drag.

I shakily rise to my full height, terror ripping through me. Ivan smiles deviously and Gilbert's eyes widen.

"How are you doing, Roderich?" Ivan asks.

I move my gaze from Gilbert's to Ivan's. I can't seem to form words on my tongue. 

"Do you see  _now_ why he is a threat to us, Beilschmidt?" Ivan says, turning in his chair to look at Gilbert. "Do you  _now_ see that he is part of this, that he has been watching and listening behind your _back_?" 

I flench at his words and Gilbert's cheeks flush.

'Do you  _now_ see," Ivan goes on, his voice rising. "That  _you've_ endangered the success of this enterprise!" 

I swallow hard.

Gilbert remains silent, his eyes cast down at the table.

I want him to say something, anything at all. But, he doesn't.

He rises from his seat slowly. "I'll take care of this." He says blandly to Ivan.

"Is that a promise?" Ivan challenges.

Gilbert nods faintly. "It's a promise." He says, his voice is low.

"Good." Ivan says. He looks at me again, then back at Gilbert. "Now get out of my sight, both of you."

Gilbert turns on his heel and stalks out of the room.

I remain stationary for a few moments before realising everyones eyes are on me. I quickly exit and retrace my steps down the hall and out the iron door.  
The cool afternoon air hits me as I emerge from the alley, sweeping the streets for Gilbert.  
I spot him at a crosswalk, eyes cast down, cheeks still flushed. 

I speed walk to catch up to him, falling into step besides him.

"Gilbert," I say. "Let me-"

"Don't fucking talk to me, Roderich." Gilbert snaps as we cross the street.

"Gilbert-"

"No!" Gilbert stops as we reach the other side of the street, whirling to face me. "You went behind my back and followed me when I  _specifically_ told you not to. You are so nosy, you have to know  _everything_ about  _everyone_. Well guess what, Roderich," He snaps. "Your game's over. Now they know, now they're mad. And it's  _your_ fucking fault." He turns and continues to walk.

I swallow the lump that has begun to rise in my throat. I jog to catch up to his fast pace. "Gilbert, please-"

"There's nothing you can say or do to make me less angry with you right now, Roderich." Gilbert says through gritted teeth.

I fall silent, casting my gaze down. 

I try to talk to him multiple times as we walk home, but he brushes me off. I'm confused and on edge and I know the only person to make me feel any comfort about this entire situation is Gilbert. He doesn't know it, but I do.

I follow him up to his door where he fumbles for his keys.

"Gilbert, please listen," I say, tears beginning to roll down my cheeks. The adrenaline that pumped through me earlier as since evaporated, leaving me worn and tired.

Gilbert notices my tears and turns towards me, his dark crimson eyes flashing. "No, Roderich," He says. "You don't  _get_ to cry. You don't get to be pitied here, because you brought this upon yourself. You knew what you were getting into by following me-"

"No!" I shout over him. "I didn't know! I didn't know what I was getting into because you don't tell me  _shit_." 

Gilbert opens his mouth to retort but I beat him to it. 

"My  _flat_ was ransacked by these people, Gilbert, and you still refuse to tell me anything. I have been  _attacked_ by two of them and apparently I've been constantly monitored! I deserve to _know_ what the  _hell_ is going on." I take a breath, stepping back as I await Gilbert's reply. 

Gilbert runs his tongue over his lips as he stares at me. "Fine," He snaps. "You want to know what's going on?"

I nod.

He pushes open the door to his flat and gestures for me to follow him inside.   _  
_


	35. Chapter Thirty Four

I tentatively follow Gilbert into his flat. Is he really going to tell me what's going on with Ivan and the rest?  
Gilbert walks into the kitchen and I stand by the couch. Gilbert returns to the living area with a pack of Ferrero Rocher in his hand. He unwraps it and hands me one. I thank him silently and he gestures for me to take a seat across from him, our knees almost touching.

"First off," He says. "I don't ever want you following me _ever_ again, because now we're both in deep shit for your little stunt."

I swallow. "Okay." I say. "I will not."

"Yeah, you said that last time."

I look down at my lap. What was I thinking? Did I honestly think I would get away with this?  
Gilbert finishes eating his Ferrero's, chewing thoughtfully. He puts his hands on his knees, looking to the floor.  
I finish the last of my Ferrero and look at Gilbert. He sighs and looks up at me.

"I moved to England when I was sixteen," He says. "A lot of shit happened just before that, so I wanted to get the hell out of Germany."

I nod slowly.

"Long story short," He says. "I met Ivan and the rest." he rubs his hands over his knees, letting out a breath.  
"They run a black market operation," He continues. "Companies that are failing or having trouble with finances reach out to them to help them get more income, thus helping their companies become more successful."

"How... How do they get the money?"

A crooked smile spreads across Gilbert's face. "That's the key." He runs his tongue over his lips briefly before going on. He leans forward, lowering his voice. "Ivan Braginski is a very important person," He says slowly, his voice raspy. "He knows a lot of important people, and he knows how to talk to them." Gilbert meets my gaze. "If a company reaches out to him, he gets money for that company by compensating it from another."

I furrow my brow. "So... he gets money for the new company from a company he already manages?" 

Gilbert nods. "Exactly. Nobody wins but him."

Out of all the things I'd expect, I can honestly say that that was not one of them.It's genius, really.

"How do none of these companies figure it out?" I ask.

"That's where Ivan's charisma comes in. He convinces the chairmen of the company who detect foul play that it's only the economy taking their money, not him. He'll do anything to ensure they don't find out. He throws them banquets and parties." Gilbert runs a hand through his hair. "See, he doesn't entirely compensate the other companies with the money he takes. He takes sixty percent of the money for our organisation and uses only forty percent to indemnify other companies."

"If he takes fifty thousand pounds from one company to reimburse another..."

"Only twenty thousand go to the company, leaving thirty thousand for himself and the rest of us that help him out."

"Incredible." I breathe and relax a bit. "Pardon, but what ever happens if executives suspecting foul play do not buy into his charisma?"

"He gets them shit drunk most of the time, but some are smart enough to almost figure it out. Then, he just writes them some big ass check and that usually satisfies them." Gilbert clasps his hands together. "Ivan will do anything to ensure this secret is safe. and I mean _anything_."

"He thought I knew." I say, the puzzle pieces slowly beginning to fall into place. "That is why they raided my flat and followed me after work... they thought I knew this whole time."

Gilbert nods. "Do you understand why i can't have you following me any longer?" His tone is urgent.

I nod.

"Roderich," Gilbert says, reaching out and touching my knee. My skin burns with his touch. "Under  _no_ circumstances will you let them know I told you this."

"Of course." I say.

"If they find out you know... if you give them  _proof_ that you know... there's nothing either of us can do." Gilbert's eyes bore into mine.

"What about this afternoon?" I ask. "They saw me there, they..." Panic rises up inside me. I shoot up from the couch, beginning to pace. "Ivan knows that I know something you're involved in..."

"Roderich." Gilbert stands, walking over to me. "I'll fix this."

"How?"

"I..." Gilbert looks down.

"There is no valid reason, I am just very  _nosy_ -"

"Roderich, you need to calm down so I can think." Gilbert presses his fingers to his temples and sits back on the coffee table.  
My pulse accelerates as I watch him from where I stand by the window.

"I think..." Gilbert looks up at me. "I think we need to stay away from each other."

My heart sinks without my consent. I blink a couple of times. "That is the only way?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.

Gilbert licks his lips, shaking his head. "I... I can't think of another option."

"How will that fix anything with Ivan? What if he sends Francis and Antonio after me again?" My voice rises an octave as I rattle on.

Gilbert puts his head in his hands. "Jesus Christ, this is a mess," He groans.

I run a hand throw my hair, sighing.

"Okay," Gilbert finally says, looking up at me. "I'm going to talk to Ivan."

"What will you tell him?"

"I don't know," He says. "But I'll figure it out."

I nod silently.

Gilbert watches me from the coffee table. "Are you afraid?" He asks.

I swallow. "I'd be lying of I said I wasn't," I say quietly.

He looks at me with hooded eyes. I shift my gaze to the floor.

"Can I interest you in some Ferrero's?"

I look up at Gilbert. A small smile is painted upon his lips.

I laugh lightly. A grin spreads across Gilbert's face. He gets up and walks over the cabinet above the fridge. I stand and walk over to the counter. He hands me a pack and gets one for himself, shutting the cabinet.  
I lean back against the counter, opening the pack and unwrapping one. I take a bite and Gilbert leans against the counter across from me, his crimson eyes boring into mine.

"It's going to be okay, Roderich." He says.

"What makes you so sure?" I ask. I must sound so pathetic.

He stares at me for a moment. "I'm not," He says. "But I know I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you're safe from these guys, okay?"

"Why?" I breathe. "Why do you care?"

Gilbert tosses his Ferrero Rocher wrapper in the trash. "I don't know," He says quietly. "I just care enough to make sure they leave you alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Timothy here, I just wanted to note that if you decide to make fanart or cosplays from this story to tag TESS/@SEASIDESTYLES first, then me! Fanart, cosplays and acts are appreciated, I love to see what you create! If you want to send me something, the email is twen10037@gmail.com. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!  
> ALSO OF COURSE PAPA HIMA  
> HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA


	36. Chapter Thirty Five

I sit down at my desk Monday morning and sigh.  
I had a bad case of insomnia last night , and I could not get any sleep for the life of me. I finally drifted off at around two hundred, and I am dead tired.  
Gilbert eyes me from his desk. I open the manuscript on my desk and click open my pen.

I notice Ludwig is not at his desk. I turn to Laura.

"Pardon," I whisper and she looks up.  
"Where is Ludwig?" I ask.

Laura shrugs. "Sick day, I think." She replies.

I nod slowly before thanking her.

The events of the weekend are still fresh in my mind. Following Gilbert to the meeting; hearing that  _Ludwig_ , one of my good friends from work, is actually in on the whole thing; And who could forget everything Gilbert told me about Ivan.  
Why would Ludwig be against me?  _Is_ he against me? Was he the one who broke into my flat? Or did I hear wrong?  
I sincerely hope that it was not him, because I have grown to like Ludwig over these past couple of weeks. He always talk to me from across my desk and seems like a genuinely nice person.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and scribble in some copt editing marks to my manuscript. I know I must look like hell from my lack of sleep, but at the moment, I really do not care.  
My thoughts drift to Natalia. I haven't spoken to her in a few days, I should call her at lunch. I hope she does not think I've been ignoring her, or something of the sort.

A piece of paper lands on my desk, startling me. I jump slightly and Gilbert smirks from his desk as he leans back in his chair, clicking a pen rapidly.

I grimace at him and unfold the note.

_Roof at lunch._

I furrow my brow.  _What?_ I scrawl below the words and toss it back to Gilbert.

Gilbert reads the note and rolls his eyes. he clicks his pen open and scribbles a response before throwing the paper back to me.

_Meet me on the roof at lunch._

I crumple up the note and toss it in the trash. If it weren't for my damned curiosity, I wouldn't agree. But, of course after Gilbert has told me about Ivan and his business, I'm still hungry for details. I hate being so nosy.

I try to focus on my work, but I cannot. Gilbert doesn't even try, he just plays with a glob of silly putty. I wrinkle my nose at him as he stretches it out again and again.  
Finally, thirteen hundred arrives, and I stand to follow Gilbert to the roof. He smiles at me as everyone flies out of the office and into the break room for lunch.

"Roof?" I ask him once we're the only ones left in the office area.

"It's not raining today, so we should be fine." He says as if that answers my question. 

"Why can we not go into the break room, like everyone else?"

"Because we need to talk about something."

His words send shivers down my spine but I nod faintly.

"Follow me, alright?" Gilbert raises an eyebrow.

"I am capable of following you, if that is what you are implying." I snap.

He smirks. "Yes, I know you are."

I frown at his reference to how I have followed him twice to events I should not have, and I got caught both times.  
I follow Gilbert out of the office complex and onto the lift.

"Don't you dare press all the buttons." I shoot him a glare.

"Relax, specs." He says, rolling his eyes as he pushes the button for the fifteenth floor.

Memories of the time Gilbert and I were trapped in this lift flood my mind. When we fought ruthlessly and insulted each other. It seems like so long ago, now that Gilbert has told me part of the truth.  
The ride in the lift is silent and soon it dings and the doors open. Gilbert strides out and I have to jog a bit to catch up with his fast pace.

"Would you wait up?" I huff.

"Nope." Gilbert says, rounding a corner as he begins to climb into a stairwell.

"Why are we even-"

"Quite complaining, specs, before I shove you off this roof."

I grimace at his teasing and follow him to the top of the stairs.  
When we reach the top, a smile tugs at my lips.  
All around us is the centre of London, bustling in the afternoon sunshine. A small bench sits off to the side, overlooking the city. The navy blue waters of the small river that lines throughout the park gleam in the distance.

"This is quite nice." I say as I sit besides Gilbert on the bench.

"I know." He says. "It's peaceful."

"Do you come up here often?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "Occasionally, when my life is particularly annoying." He looks at me from the corner of his eye. "So, I've been coming up here a lot since I met you."

"Gil!" I sock him in the arm playfully and he laughs. I roll my eyes at him. "I am  _not_ annoying."

"Keep telling yourself that, Roddy."

I roll my eyes again at the nickname he calls me and I try to swallow the horrible memories rising at the name.

"Why did you bring me up here?' I ask him.

Gilbert puts his hands on his knees. "I talked to Ivan yesterday afternoon," He says quietly.

I stiffen. "Oh."

His jaw clenches. "Things aren't looking good."

"What do you mean?" My voice rises a few octaves.

"I mean, now that he caught you eavesdropping on that meeting... He  _knows_ you know  _something_."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that you didn't hear anything you shouldn't have, only information regarding yourself. He's not entirely convinced, but he's not coming after you  _yet_ so that's a good thing."

"He is going to come after me? What does he want from me? Does he want to kill me?" I sound hysterical.

"Roderich, calm down." Gilbert puts a hand on my thigh and fire erupts within me. "I'm going to keep talking to him, I'll convince him you don't know anything. Because you don't."  
I almost open my mouth to remind him he told me everything, but he gives me a look and I close it. He removes his hand from my thigh.

"You never told me what you do," I say. "With... with the organisation."

Gilbert leans back. "I manage funds, much like I do here at Kirkland." He says. "I divide the income into what Ivan keeps and what goes on to other companies." He looks down at his lap.

"It is fraud, you know." I say.

"I know." He looks over to me, his brow furrowed. "I'm not exactly proud of it, Roderich, just so you know."

"Then why do you do it?"

Gilbert runs his tongue over his teeth. "Why do I do it?" He laughs dryly. "It's a very long story, Roderich, and I'm not prepared to tell it. Besides, lunch is over in fifteen minutes."

Something suddenly dawns on me. "That time you caught me going through your file," I say, embarrassed, turning to Gilbert. "You did not turn me in because you have been breaking the law yourself, and-"

"I wouldn't want anyone to turn  _me_ in." Gilbert grimaces.

"Why don't you just stop?" I ask, my voice lowering to a whisper.

"I can't." He looks out at the city. "Ivan won't have it. I know all his secrets, and he doesn't exactly trust me anymore since, well, you."

"So there is not a way for you to out?"

Gilbert looks at me, his eyes boring into mine. "There is one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REMINDER:  
> I just wanted to note that if you decide to make fanart or cosplays from this story to tag TESS/@SEASIDESTYLES first, then me, TIM/@SORELOSER. Fanart, cosplays and acts are appreciated, I love to see what you create! If you want to send me something, the email is twen10037@gmail.com. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!


	37. Chapter Thirty Six

I look at Gilbert with confusion. "What?"

Gilbert crosses his arms over his chest. "In the organisation, I work closest with Ludwig, Antonio and Francis. It's been two years now and there's been more than one time that we've thought of..." Gilbert clears his throat. "That we've thought of rebellion."

I blink. "Rebellion?"

"If we can turn on Ivan, he might back down and let us go without a trace. We won't turn him in if he won't turn us in." Gilbert sighs. "But there's alway that one idiot that doesn't like the idea." 

"Who?"

"Toris. He's worried for his girly boyfriend." Gilbert rolls his eyes.

I look at my lap. "Why did you become associated with these people?" I ask.

Gilbert tenses. "I was at a shitty episode in my life." He says. "And I had no choice."

My phone suddenly goes off, startling us both.

I bring the phone to my ear and answer. "Hello?"

"Roderich! Roderich, Roderich, Roderich," Natalia slurs on the other line.

"Natalia, are you drunk?" I ask, furrowing my brow.

"No, no I'm  _noooot."_ She says and then bursts into laughter.

"You told me you are at work."

"I always tell you I'm at work."

_Ouch._

"So you have been  _lying_ to me?" I raise my voice and Gilbert looks at me confusedly.

"No, you've just been gullible." She says and I hang up, anger starting to build up.  
My skin is hot with rage as I take calming breathes that do not really do much to calm me. All this time, she has been lying to me.

"Bitch."

I look over to Gilbert. For a moment, I had forgotten he was here. His short statement broke my angry train of thought and I don't think I've ever been so grateful that Gilbert was next to me.  
He pulls something out of his pocket and I almost laugh and cry at the same time when I see that it is a pack of Ferrero Rocher's.

"Do you carry those everywhere?" I ask.

"Pretty much." He says, opening the pack and giving me two this time. "They keep my stress level down." He looks at me. "Unlike you."

I roll my eyes at him and stifle a laugh.  
We eat our chocolates in silence, looking out at the city.

"What are you going to do?" Gilbert asks me.

I sigh. "I am going to need to talk to her, that is for sure." I frown.

Gilbert looks at me for a moment longer before looking down and rising from the bench. "Lunch break's over in five." He says.

I nod and stand, following him down the stairs and back into the lift. This is one of the only times Gilbert and I have had a civilised conversation- well, maybe the topic wasn't so civil, but at least we were not insulting each other.  
I am dying to know why Gilbert began working for Ivan, but I can't pry. I've pried so much already, and I know if I try to dig deeper now, Gilbert will only be cross. I do not blame him.

We walk back into the office complex, and I sit down at my desk. I notice I have a voicemail on the machine and pick up the phone.  
I am surprised to find it is from Erika.

"Hello, Mr. Roderich, I am sorry for the bother but big brother and I wanted to know how you are doing. He has something to ask you on part of both him and I. Please try to return the call, goodbye."

I dial the number quickly, sitting up in my chair.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Erika, it is Roderich. I got your message."

"Oh, hello Mr. Roderich! How are you?"

"I am well," I say. "How are you doing?"

"Okay, I suppose. Big brother... and I were wondering if you could fly back to Vienna this weekend... we are traveling as well from Liechtenstein."

"Oh." I pause. "Are... mutter, vater and große schwester going to be there?"

"Yes... actually we're going to be staying as an invitation from Maria and Franz. Anneliese really wants to see you..."

"Erika, dear, I-"

"Please Mr. Roderich, I know it is difficult, but big brother, Anneliese and I would really like for you to come down, and your mutter and vater-"

"Do not care at all about me anymore," I finish for her. I feel Gilbert's eyes on me from his desk.

"You know that is false, Mr. Roderich," Erika says. "They love you-"

"They hate me, everyone knows, Erika. Enough with pretending."

There is rustling and a sigh. Vash. "Fine. If you do not want to come up here, then fine."

I sigh, rubbing my temple. "Okay," I say. "Fine."

Vash hums. "Okay, We will see you this weekend."

The line goes dead.

I place the phone back in place and put my head in my hands.  _Why on earth did I agree to that?_  
How am I going to face my family? I haven't seen them since..., well, the incident.  
I feel like a thousand tons of dread has descended upon my shoulders.

"Roderich."

I look up and lock eyes with Gilbert.  
His eyes are filled with concern, something I rarely see in him. I wave him off and look back down at the grey plastic desk. I don't feel like dealing with anyone when it come to my family.  
Sixteen hundred comes around and I gather my things to leave.

"Roderich." I look up to see Mr. Jones leaning against the doorframe of his office. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

I nod and walk up the him. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, not at all," He says. "I just noticed that you seemed a little distracted today. Is everything okay?"

I nod quickly. "Yes, just fine. I apologise, I just have not been getting enough sleep."

"Of course. I am no stranger to insomnia myself. I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong." He gives me a friendly smile.

"Thank you," I say. I am glad Mr. Jones is such a kind and compassionate boss.

"See you tomorrow," He says with a smile before turning and reentering his office.

I make my way out of the complex and onto the car park, my coat draped over my arm. My hair is the same as always, with that curl that has always stood out for some strange reason.  
I fumble for my keys in my pocket and drop my binder when I look up to see Gilbert leaning against my car.

I take a breathe. "Don't do that." I say as I gather the papers. Gilbert smiles and leans down to help.

"Sorry," He says and I straighten up and open my binder to see if my keys are inside. He tilts his head to the side. "Are you okay?" He asks.

The question is so out of character for Gilbert that I almost do a double take. "Yes, yes..." I say. "Yes."

"Who called you?"

It's such a switch for Gilbert to be asking the questions and me to be guarded about them. "What does it matter?" I say exasperatedly.

Gilbert raises an eyebrow. "Look, it was just a question, specs." He says defensively.

"You should not care." I snap.

"What's going on with you?" He asks.

"What is going on with  _you_?" I rebut.

Gilbert narrows his eyes at me before turning on his heel and stalking off to his vehicle across the park.


	38. Chapter Thirty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER  
> THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE, THEY BELONG TO HIDEKAZ HIMARUYA  
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> IT BELONGS TO @SEASIDESTYLES ON WATTPAD  
> NOTHING IS MINE  
> THE STORY IS JUST A REMIX

I toss my things on the couch as I shut the door to my flat behind me, letting out a sigh. Why was I so rude to Gilbert? He was just asking if I was alright. I shouldn't have been so rude.  
Seconds after I rub my eyes and decide on taking a hot shower to calm myself, there is a knock at the door.  
I stiffen when I answer it to Natalia. Her hair is neatly styled in loose waves and her eyes aren't bloodshot at all- strange, for someone who drunk dialled me only three hours ago.

"Hi, Roderich, did I leave a phone charger here?"

I refrain from slamming the door shut.

"A  _phone charger?_ No proper greeting, no nothing of the sort, just ' _did I leave a phone charger?_ " I ask in disbelieve.

She looks at me confusedly. "Roderich, what-"

"Please, Natalia, let me speak." I say with a heavy breath, turning on my heel and stalking into the flat. She follows, shutting the door behind her.  
"Do you remember when you called me today, Natalia?" I ask slowly, turning back around to face her.

"I didn't call you today, Roderich," She says, furrowing her brow.

"Oh, but you did," I say. "When you were drunk you did, Natalia!"

Natalia pales.

I hear her breathing accelerate. "You were lying," I say. "All these times when... when you've said you were at work... and didn't pick me up those times..." I struggle to form words through my anger.

"Roddy, let me-"

"Stop, Natalia. Stop calling me by  _that_ name."  
Natalia takes a step back, obviously shocked by my burst of anger.  
"Has this been happening since... since we began seeing each other?" I ask, afraid of what the answer will be.

Natalia avoids my gaze.

"That is what I figured," I say disdainfully. "That is what I thought." I look at the floor, the undesired feeling of sadness floods into me like a tsunami.

Natalia seems frozen to her spot.

"How, honestly, did you manage to clean up so fast?" I ask, beginning to pace. "You don't look like you've been drunk." I shake my head and stop walking. "I am such a fool for thinking that an internship was that busy."

"Roderich, I-"

"Gilbert was right." I say. "I just stuck around because I'm... I'm afraid of being alone. You never treated me right and I should have recognised that."

The realisation hits me as it leaves my lips.  _I'm afraid of being alone._ Ever since the incident with my family a couple of years ago, I've been afraid to be without someone. A weight feels like it's been lifted from my shoulders but at the same time a heavy load has descended upon me.

"Gilbert?" Natalia's eyes flash. " _Gilbert_ said something to you?"

I pause, realising my mistake. "Natalia-"

Before I can register what is happening, Natalia has turned on her heel and paced out of the flat and out into the hall, her fist pounding against Gilbert's door.  
I rush out behind her. "Natalia, please-"

Gilbert opens the door, confusion written on his face. His brow furrows.

"What did you say to him?" Natalia shouts at him, her face inches from Gilbert's

Gilbert wipes a drop of Natalia's saliva from his face and I almost stifle a laugh.

"Pardon?" He asks calmly.

"What the hell did you say to Roderich?" Natalia bellows.

"Whoa, slow your roll, babe." Gilbert says and leans against the door frame. "I've said a lot of things to Roderich," Gilbert says, his tone even. Gilbert's gaze flashes to me momentarily before focusing back on my angry 'girlfriend.' Well, 'ex girlfriend.' I put my hand on Natalia's shoulder.

"Please, Natalia," I say to her. "Don't do this."

I feel Gilbert's dark eyes on me as Natalia rips away from my grasp.  
I mentally plead Gilbert to shut the door now, to spare himself from Natalia's blind anger.

"You'd better stay away from him, faggot!" Natalia growls and my eyes widen.

"And if I don't? Roderich can make his own decisions. He's not your property."

Blush rises to my cheeks at Gilbert's defence towards me. I turn back to Natalia however, to pull her away from Gilbert.

"Natalia, please stop doing this, you're being ridiculous," I put my hand on Natalia's shoulder again. She turns to me, anger flashing in her eyes.

"Enough, Roderich!"

The next sequence of events seem to happen in fast motion as Natalia shoves me away from her with such force, sending me staggering back before I hit the wall and fall to the floor. 


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight

The roughness of Natalia's shove and the malice behind it hurts more than the impact of my body on the floor. I stare up at Natalia in disbelieve, completely appalled by her actions.  
Gilbert's eyes ignite in rage as he takes a step forward and shoves Natalia back, hard.

"How _dare_ you treat him like that," He sneers. Natalia looks even angrier than before as she hits the wall, if it's possible.

I seem glued to the floor as I watch the events commencing before me.

"I know you want him," Natalia snarls, her eyes bore into Gilbert's. "I know you've been after him since-"

"You're wrong," Gilbert snaps. "Roderich and I are only friends."

"Oh, I am wrong, am I?" A wicked smile crosses Natalia's face. "Don't even lie, you're so full of-"

"You don't know _shit_ Doctor Girl, and if you'd like to keep your face intact, I advice you shut your filthy fucking mouth." Gilbert's voice is rough and low; threatening.

"You're fucking trash. You would fucking hit a lady," She spits.

"I think everyone deserves equality, I'm not sexist." He falsely smiles.

"I'm sure the _accountant_ here could really do shit to my face," Natalia taunts and Gilbert steps closer to her.

I push myself up off the ground. "Natalia, stop! Enough with this already, you've made your point. Please _leave_."

Both look back to me. Natalia looks like she's about to burst into flames as she looks back at Gilbert.

"I want your despicable ass out of here, now," Gilbert says lowly.

"Roderich," She says. "We can work this out."

"No, Natalia," I scoff. "You cannot treat me like trash and then 'work it out' with me."

Natalia looks between Gilbert and I. "Alright, I'll get out of here," She says, her voice having an edge to it, sending chill down my spine. "But I know something that you would much rather keep secret, so watch your backs." My blood runs cold at her words.

Natalia grimaces at us a last time before turning on her heel and disappearing into the stairwel, her angry footsteps echoing as she descends the stairs. 

Gilbert looks over at me.

"Are you okay?" He asks me quietly.

I nod and push stray hair that's fallen to my face away. I feel so weak. I've always wanted to be strong, independent but I suppose that's one of my tragic flaws- I'm terrified of being alone. 

"Come on," Gilbert says, nodding towards his flat. "I'll make tea."

I shut my eyes for a brief moment, a headache brewing in the back of my skull. "My relationship with Natalia was not the best but... somehow I already feel alone. I am pathetic--"

Gilbert turns back toward me, a sad smile on his lips. "You don't know alone like I do, Roderich."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about time I know but yay finally


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine

Gilbert does make tea, the same Esso tea he made me the last time we had tea together. We sit at the kitchen counter and look out the window as rain starts to fall outside. 

"Hey," Gilbert says suddenly. "It's the first day of August."

"Yes," I say. "It is."

It's silent after that.

I'm emotionally drained from the events that took place not long ago. I know I shouldn't be so upset over a relationship that wasn't good for anything, and yet here I am moping.  
Gilbert stirs a spoon in his tea, humming lowly under his breath. It is now that I notice just how... lovely he is; with his crimson eyes cast down into his mug, his eyelashes fanning out onto the tops of his cheeks. His tattoo and a couple of lines that I can't make out are visible from underneath his navy blue t-shirt and his face is relaxed, a sharp contrast from how it is most of the time.

"Do you have any other relatives besides Ludwig and um..."

Gilbert looks up at me. "Relatives."

"Yes. Family members."

He looks back down. "No," He says. "Just Ludwig and Joseph." ( ~~yes I made my own name for Germania~~ ) He looks out the window at the pouring rain and sighs.

"Where is 'Joseph?'"

"I don't remember," He answers. He chews on his lip as he looks back to me. "I haven't seen him in three years."

Feeling like I've hit a nerve, I look back down. "Oh."

"What about your family?"

I frown. "What about them?"

"Who's your family?"

"My mother and father and sister."

"You have a sister?"

I nod. "I have not seen my family in a year."

"Why not?"

"Well, because they hate me."

Gilbert looks like he wants to ask me more, but he does not, to my surprise. I swallow the rest of my tea and I stand.

"Thank you for the tea," I say.

Gilbert takes my mug and puts it in the dishwasher, nodding. "You don't want to stay?"

I shake my head and look at the floor.

"Roderich."

I look up, meeting his gaze.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

I look to the floor as he steps toward me, tugging me by the arm until my face is resting against his chest in a gentle embrace. Tears slip out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. This is the third time I've cried in front of Gilbert, and I feel just as horrible about it as the other two times. I hate feeling this way, and displaying it in front of Gilbert seems to make it worst.  
I feel his warm palm soothingly rub my back. i don't want to be crying over Natalia, I don't want to cry over the downfall of a bad relationship.

"You're alright, Roderich," Gilbert says quietly and I pull away, nodding as I wipe the tears from my face. Gilbert rests his hands on my shoulders, trying to catch my eye.

"I am sorry," I mutter.

"Don't be," Gilbert says. "It's okay to cry."

I nod again and he lets his ands fall from my shoulders, instead stuffing them into his pockets as he leans back against the counter behind him.   
I take a few deep breaths and Gilbert watches me, his brow furrowed and his eyes sympathetic. The red pigment in his irises seem to hold some sort of empathy that intrigues me as well as breaks my heart.

"Did you love her?" Gilbert's voice breaks the silence. 

"Natalia?"

He nods.

I lower my gaze. "No," I say quietly. "I've never been in love."

"You're lucky."

I lock eyes with him. " _You_  havebeen in love?"

Gilbert takes a breath before turning his head to look out the window. He nods slightly.

"What had occurred?" I dare to ask.

"Nothing," He says.

"Is that right? It had to be  _something_." I say, raising an eyebrow.

"That's just it though," He says, almost sadly. " _Nothing_ happened." He smiles sadly.

"I am sure you will find someone new to love," I say to him.

Gilbert laughs dryly. "Love is abstract," He says. "It brings nothing but trouble." He laughs again and runs his tongue over his teeth.

An overwhelming sense of sadness engulfs me at that moment; for both of us. Gilbert, for losing love and refusing to believe in it anymore, and me, for being afraid of being without someone else. It seems that we're opposites- tragic opposites.

"Gilbert," I say and he looks back at me. I take a breath. "I know it does not seem like it at times, but I am very glad I met you."

A small smile crosses Gilbert's face. "Believe it or not, the feeling is mutual."

I leave Gilbert's flat shortly after. So many aspects of my life have changed in the short month I've been in London- I've gone from (almost) loving to disliking Natalia, and disliking Gilbert from, well, not disliking him.  
I realise I didn't tell Gilbert that I am going to Vienna. It should be good to get out of town for a few days to escape the drama of Natalia and Ivan. I walk into my bedroom and haul my suitcase up from under the bed. Maybe this will not be so bad, just as long as I do not reopen old scars with my family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again  
> I feel like this is going nowhere and I want your support, bby's :(  
> A simple comment or a judo is much appreciated  
> Recommend this!  
> Share the link or something pls.  
> Anyways...  
> I will try my best to update every two days if I can but I am on vacation and I'm going to the U.S and it will be my second time and I will miss the U.S because the U.K is growing tiresome -.-
> 
> I love every single one of you  
> Okay bye


	41. Chapter Forty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> asdfghjkl updating again, this story is not over yet, I will continue it though I may take a long time to update

"Yes," I say, running a hand through my hair. "Thai sounds great."

"Great. Did you double check you have everything? It would be a shame if you left something behind."

"I have got everything, Vash," I say through the phone, zipping my suitcase.

"How long is your flight?"

"About..." I look at my flight information. "Two hours and thirty five minutes."

"That isn't too long. You'll be here in time for dinner."

"Yes," I say. "I should really get going. I'll see you both in a few hours."

"Right. See you soon."

I hang up and haul my suitcase out of the flat, into the hallway. I lock my door and check twice, moving a strand of hair from my face.  
It is a Friday morning, and I am missing work today to fly to Vienna. I am really nervous to see my family, but I'll have to suck it up. I can't hide from them forever.

"Roderich?"

I turn and meet Gilbert's eyes as he steps out of his flat, a jacket swung over his shoulder. He's in his work clothes, the white sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows.

"Hi." I say.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yes." I breathe. "I am flying to Vienna for the weekend."

Gilbert raises his eyebrows. "Really."

I nod. "Yes, a close friend wanted me to."

"That's probably good. That you're going, I mean." He says.

"Why?"

"I was planning on talking to... Ivan this weekend and it's good that you won't be here in case..."  _In case he sends people to ransack my flat again._

"Oh, right," I say, and Gilbert nods, his gaze moving to floor.

We walk to the lift, silence descending upon us. This is such an odd neutral state we're in, when we're not fighting. I can't complain about it, though- this truce we have covers for some of the loneliness I've been feeling since Natalia and I parted, even if Natalia was incredibly neglectful.  
It's been a few days now, and she's practically spammed my phone with calls, voicemail's and messages. At first, they were apologetic and sorry, but they slowly morphed into angry, vengeful messages. I'm contemplating on whether to block her number or not, but it just slips my mind. Packing and preparing for my short trip has been the only thing on my mind.

"When will you be back?"

I look up at Gilbert, breaking my train of thought. The lift doors chime open and we step into the lobby together.

"Sunday night." I reply. "I'll be at work on Monday."

Gilbert nods. "Hmm."

We stop walking at my car, and Gilbert helps me with my bags. I admire how though we argue constantly, he's still kind enough to help- even though I didn't need it- as he shuts the trunk, turning back to me.

"Well, have a safe trip," he says, meeting my gaze. He smiles at me, his delicate dimples appearing on his cheeks.

"Thank you," I say. "Have a swell time not doing work."

He rolls his eyes and I laugh. "I  _do_ work," He protests and I roll my eyes.

"You seem to  _work_ on ways to annoy me," I tease and he shrugs. We laugh.

"It's going to be odd not seeing Gilbert for a full weekend; I don't think that has been the case since I moved to London. With him as my coworker, barely a day has gone by when we do not see each other, one way or another.  
And now, I can't say I mind so much.

"Are you going to be seeing your family?" Gilbert asks me, his tone more serious.

I clear my throat and look away from him. "Yes," I say quietly.

Gilbert digs his hand into his pocket and retrieves a pen before reaching for my hand and scribbling something on it.  
I watch curiously as he lets go of my hand and puts the pen back into his pocket. No one has ever written on me before. I look at the back of my hand. Twelve neat digits penned across it.

"If you want to talk, just call me," he says, shrugging.

I smile. "Thank you," I say.

"That's what friends are for," He says, half smiling.

"Of course," I say.

I check the time on my phone. "My flight is in an hour, I should probably get going."

Gilbert nods. "Have a nice trip," he says as he walks to his own vehicle, parked a few rows away.

"Goodbye," I call after him. He lifts his arm in a wave, a smile painted on his pale lips, the wind blowing on his hair slightly.

I look back down at the twelve numbers on my hand and make a plan to call them as soon as I land in Vienna.  
The rest of the morning seems to speed by as I check myself in and find my way to the gate. I take a seat and sigh, taking my glasses off to briefly clean them and put them back on.

"Flight 505 to Vienna Int'l Airport in Vienna, Austria boarding now."

I stand from my seat, gathering my carry on and boarding pass. This is it. I am going home to face my family. Despite my worry about seeing them all, excitement sparks inside me to go back to Vienna.

I stand in line and soon am seated on the plane, peering out the window at the tarmac. My phone buzzes in my lap.

I grimace at Natalia's caller ID.

What more could she possibly want from me? She was a terrible girlfriend and she expects me to talk to her?  
I angrily hit ignore and shut off my phone. How dare she? I stuck with her longer than I should have, I see that now.

Someone sits down besides me and I shift my items closer to me. I plan on editing a manuscript Mr. Jones assigned me the other day and perhaps napping on this flight.  
  


The person sitting next to me bumps my elbow on accident, and I turn to utter an apology when my throat goes dry.

_"Ludwig?"_


	42. Chapter Forty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 8/23/15

He smiles at me as he buckles his seat belt. "Hello, Roderich."

I swallow. Ludwig was the person who ransacked my flat. How can I look at him as friendly anymore?

"What... what are you doing here?" I ask. What if Ivan sent him to monitor me? Oh, God. My nerves skyrocket.

"I'm going to a conference in downtown Vienna," he explains. "I make art on the side, and I was invited to feature a presentation."

He doesn't seem like he's lying, but then again, everyone associated with Ivan seems to be a good liar, Gilbert included. I nod and force a smile.

"Roderich, I know what you're thinking." He sighs. 

"What am I thinking?"

"Come on, don't act like that. I was there when Ivan caught you listening, remember?"

I flush. "Oh. Right."

Ludwig clenches his jaw. "I am not going to say anything to Ivan," he says quietly. "In fact, Ivan doesn't even know i'm on this flight. He thinks I'm ill."

I furrow my brow, readying a reply when Ludwig beats me to it.

"Buckle up, we're lifting off," he tells me as the pilot comes over the loudspeaker.

I comply and Ludwig pulls a magazine out of his seat pocket, leaning back in his seat. We don't speak as the plane takes off and coasts steadily among the clouds.  
I'm still on edge as I open my manuscript and click open my red pen. I feel Ludwig's blue eyes on me, and I try to ignore him. Why is someone as friendly as Ludwig involved with Ivan and his schemes?

"You do not have to ignore me," he says and I flush.

"I am not ignoring you," I say, not looking up from my work.

"I think you are."

I put my pen down. "What do you want me to say to you, Ludwig? 'Thank you so much for sifting through my flat, much obliged."

Ludwig looks taken aback. "You think  _I_ went through your flat?

"I heard you say it," I say. "I am not an idiot."

To my surprise, Ludwig chuckles.

"What is so funny?" I ask.

"I didn't break into your flat," he says as his chuckles die down.

"But--"

"I only reported on it," he explains. "Travis and Xiao (Hong Kong) were the ones that broke in."

I blink.

Ludwig leans towards me. 'I should not be telling you this," he says. "But Ivan's organisation-- Russia Enterprises--is bigger than you'd think. The people you saw in that room are merely his closest executives."

 _Russia Enterprises_. The name itself sends chills down my spine.

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask.

Ludwig chews on his lip. "Because Gilbert is talking about revolt again," he says lowly. "And, it is sounding a lot better than it did the last time he brought it up."

 _Revolt. Overthrowing Ivan._ My pulse quickens.

I shut my manuscript. "I am sorry for accusing you," I say softly.

Ludwig shrugs. "Not to worry," he says. "I understand where you were coming from."

I nod. "I still can not exactly trust you," I tell him.

"I know," he says. "But I am sick of working for Russia Enterprises, and you should know that."

I part my lips. "Are you really going to revolt?"

"Gilbert is pushing it pretty hard. Ever since you became a topic, anyways. It is odd, he has not pushed it so hard since--" Ludwig stops, looking down.

"Since what?"

"Nothing." Ludwig exhales slowly.

The flame of curiosity ignites in me, but once again, I must ignore it.

"I am on your side," Ludwig says quietly. "Just so you know."

A sense of relief washes over me at this news. Knowing I am not putting myself in danger by being around Ludwig is a weight off my shoulders.

"Thank you," I say.

He nods and looks back at his magazine. "Hey, maybe I should buy this home soda maker for Feli, yeah?"

I smile, remembering that he took Feliciano out for dinner a few weeks ago. "Are you two seeing each other now?" I ask.

Ludwig blushes. "I guess so," he says. "But if he says that we are not, don't tell him I said that. I don't want to push things."

I laugh. "Well, no matter how he feels, I am sure that home pop maker should make him happy."

Ludwig smiles. "You think so?"

"Definitely."

I'm glad Ludwig and I are friendly again, he's fun to talk to and be around. I think him and Feliciano are really good together, and I'm happy for them."

Ludwig and I end up chatting for most of the flight until he falls asleep around the hour mark. I take this opportunity to catch up on my work, and by the end of the flight, I am almost done editing the manuscript.

I wake Ludwig when the pilot announces we will be landing, and he rubs sleep out of his eyes, yawning.

"What time is it in Vienna?" He asks me.

"Well, it is only an hour ahead of London, so..." I check my watch. "About nineteen hundred."

"Not as bad as I thought," Ludwig says.

"I know," I sigh. "It could've been worst.

The plane soon lands and Ludwig and I stand up. I yawn and stretch my limbs, powering my cellphone on. Ten texts from Vash instantly chime, and I reply to them quickly. Ludwig answers a phone call and helps me get my bag from the overhead compartment.

"Where are you staying?" I ask Ludwig as we walk to the baggage claim.

Ludwig shrugs. "Some hotel where the conference is being held," he says. "I forgot the name." He smiles. "What about you?"

"My parents' place," I tell him.

"That's right, I had forgotten you were from here.

I hum. My nerves return as I realise how close I am to seeing my family again.

Ludwig and I retrieve our bags and say goodbye. We exchange phone numbers and he says he'll call me if he finds a better present for Feliciano. I laugh and we part ways.

I search the crowd of people for Vash's or Lily's familiar face. I check my phone for messages from them, and snap up when I hear my name.

"Roderich."

Vash steps through the throng of people waiting for arrivals and walks briskly towards me, Lily following behind him and she gives me a small hug. I have missed them.

"It is good to see you, Mr. Roderich," she gushes, pulling away.

"It's nice to see you, Roderich." Vash says, as stubborn as ever.

I smile as Lily looks at Vash. They haven't changed a bit.

Vash's hair is still bright blonde, he still has the same expression. And Lily, her hair is the same length as Vash; she must have cut it. She still wears her pink bow and her bright green eyes sparkle.

"Let's get going, everyone is waiting at the manor," Vash says, holding Lily's hand.

 _E_ v _eryone._

I swallow and nod as they lead the way out of the terminal, chattering the whole way. Vash talks about the weather in Vienna and Lily asks multiple questions that Vash backs up with more questions before I can even answer.

Vash calls a cab and helps me with my bags and soon we're battling Vienna traffic.

"Will you and Lily change at the manor?" I ask Vash as the cars ahead of us move painfully slow.

"Of course," he says. "Lily has her tailor-made dress ready in her guest room as do I have my suit."

"I'm sure you two will look nice."

"I have misses you, Mr. Roderich," Lily says, with her small smile.

"I've missed you too," I say.

The cab soon pulls into the driveway of the old manor. I did grow up in a manor in the centre of Vienna. It was quite fun, really. Vash and I used to race up and down the stairs from my room on the third floor until my mother told me to stop. I smile at the memories.

"Here we are," Vash says, after paying, the cab pulling away.

We haul my bags to the front gate and the doorman takes my bag as he opens the door. My heart pounds loudly in my chest.

We walk into the building and there they are.

My mothers dark hair cascading past her shoulders, brown eyes that match her hair. My sisters  brown hair much like my fathers is held back in a high ponytail, her violet eyes match mine.

My mother. My sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple of chapters will include a bit on Roderich's past so oops
> 
> is anyone still reading this? I appreciate comments and kudos, your support means so much to me ily


	43. Chapter Forty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated 23/8/15

I swallow, unable to form words to say to them. Memories flash before my eyes as they look on, their eyes cold.

*"Roderich," My mother finally says, her tone clipped.

*"Mother," I manage to say.

Anneliese sets her lips into a tight line.

*"Your father is in his study," My mother says, attempting to break the ice. *"Go say hello. Marcus and Vash will put your luggage in your room."

*"Yes ma'am." I nod and tear my eyes away from the two. Anneliese and I are twiins but sometimes I feel she's older than I am.

I blindly make my way to my father's study, knocking lightly on the door before entering.

*"Roderich." He greets me from his desk, taking off his glasses.  
*"How are you?"

*"I am alright," I say with the slightest smile. *"It's great to see you."

*"As well. You haven't changed a bit, Roderich. Still a wonderful young man."

I smile. *"Thank you, father. You look swell, too."

He laughs. *"How's London treating you?"

*"I love it there," I say honestly. *"It is a beautiful city."

*"It is," my father agrees. He stands from his desk. He looks the same, as well. Dark hair with touches of grey and stern blue eyes. *"Let's go to dinner. I'm sure it is prepared."

*"Yes sir." I nod and follow him into the dining room, where my mother, Anneliese, Lily and Vash sit at the table. My mother, father and sister seem to be ignoring me.

I take my old seat at the table. *"Everything looks great," I complement the chef.

*"Thank you, young master," he bows and exits.

My mother reaches for the salt and my father hands it to her. I notice that when he gives it to her, she avoids his gaze.  _Odd._

Everyone starts eating. For the first part of the meal, it is silent with the exception of silverware clanking on plates.

My mother speaks up. *"Roderich, how is Natalia doing?"

I swallow quickly. *"Oh," I say. *"Natalia... we aren't together anymore."

My mother furrows her brow. *"How come?"

 _Because she forgot about me all the time. Because she lied to me. Because she hit me. Because Gilbert was always there for me when Natalia wasn't, even when Gilbert and I hated each other. *_ "Things just didn't work out," I say casually.

*"I'm sorry, Roddy," my mother says. And for the first time tonight, I feel like she does not hate me.

*"It is alright," I say. *"Some people are just not right for each other."

My father shifts in his seat and my mother looks down. I furrow my brow, thoroughly confused.

Anneliese clears her throat and eyes Vash and Lily, then our parents. *"Go on, tell him," she snaps.

I swallow and flash my eyes to Vash and Lily quickly, and then back to my parents. Tell me what?

*"Anneliese," my mother hisses.

*"Come on, this is the perfect opportunity. Tell him. Go ahead." Anneliese's expression is hard.

*"Tell me what?" I ask shakily.

My parents exchange a glance.

"Roderich," my father says slowly. *"Your mother and I..." He clears his throat. *"Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on vacation so I will update a lot over the past few days, maybe.
> 
> tumblr: wavegrid.co.vu


	44. Chapter Forty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> updated 12/10/15 
> 
> yay, finally, maybe double update?

All feeling drains my body as I go completely numb.

I drop my fork, the metal clanking against the porcelain plate.  
My throat is dry and I feel like I've just been smacked.

 _*"What?"_ I choke out.

*"We've been fighting so often now," my mother says softly. *"We just don't think we are right for each other. Anymore, at least."

*"How can you do this?" I ask. *"How long have you known?"

*"About..." My father sighs. *"A month and a half."

*"And you didn't think you should call me and let me know?" I ask shrilly.

*"We were going to, Roddy, I promise, but I--"

* "That is the reason you wanted me to come to Austria this weekend, correct? So you could tell me?"

My parents avoid my gaze.

*"This is unbelievable!" I shout. *"You did this all behind my  _back_! And you! Vash, you did not bother to tell me this?!"

*"It is not my business." Vash says.

*"Hurts, doesn't it." Anneliese's eyes look mean.

My blood gets cold. *"I-I didn't--"

Anneliese scoffs, rolling her eyes. She stands from the table and walks away, disappearing out of the dining room.

*"I can't believe this," I mumble, throwing my napkin onto the table and standing.

*"Where are you going?" My mother asks as I turn to walk away.

*"Room. I am locking the door." I loudly say behind me. I feel like a teenager again, not a twenty three year old. I feel entitled to acting this way, though. How could my parents do this?

I quietly shut the door to my old room and run a hand through my hair. This is unfair, that is what it is. Completely and utterly unfair.

I sink down onto my bed, breathing in the familiar scent of the comforter. I suddenly catch sight of my hand.

Gilbert's number remains on my palm, neatly written in blue.

Without thinking, I grab my phone and press the number in.

He answers on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's Roderich." My voice comes out strained.

"Little master," he says. "You sound upset."

I disregard his use of that annoying nickname. "I..." I sigh. "My parents are getting a divorce."

There's a pause, and I picture Gilbert raising his eyebrow. "A _divorce_?"

"Yes," I say. "And they knew for a whole month and did not tell me. That is the reason they invited me home, anyway." My voice lowers at the end and I sit up.

"Roderich." The roughness of Gilbert's voice is transmitted through the speaker and it soothes me slightly.

"It... pisses me off." I say, feeling annoying and dramatic, mad at myself. "And then Anneliese..." I shake my head.

Gilbert listens patiently. At this moment, I'm so thankful that we're friends and we don't hate each other like we did when we first met.

"When..." Gilbert clears his throat. "When my father died, I didn't find out for six days."

I fall silent, my pulse quickening. There has only been a few instances when Gilbert has spoken of his past, and my thirst for information quiets me instantly.

Gilbert pauses before continuing. "I was crushed," he says softly. "I didn't eat for days, not to mention sleep."

A lump rises in my throat. "Gilbert," I breathe. "I..."

"It's alright," he says. "It's been four years." He sniffs slightly. "My point is that you'll get past it, you'll move on."

"Why didn't you find out for six days?" I dare to ask.

Gilbert is silent for so long I think he might have hung up. He finally speaks.  
"My grandfather."

I manage to keep my mouth shut and not question him any further. "Oh," I say simply.

"Yeah."

Silence descends once again, and I consider bidding Gilbert goodbye. But I can't bring myself to do it--I want to talk to him as long as I possibly can.

"Guess whom sat next to me during the plane ride."

For the next two hours, Gilbert and I talk on the phone. At some points we argue, at some we just laugh into the phone, but the subjects of my parents and his father manage to stay hidden. When we finally hang up, I feel lighter, and I can't seem to decide the reason why. But I do not mind.


	45. Chapter Forty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ughh, can't wait till you guys read the next few parts ;-;
> 
> Updated 26/10/15
> 
> RODERICH'S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY BTW OMFG, SO IN HONOUR :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *german

"Roderich?"

I groan and roll over in bed, my gaze fixing on my closed door. My mother has been knocking on the door for a few minutes now. She's still as persistent as she's always been.

I drag myself out of bed and unlock the door, clenching my jaw at her.

*"It's eight thirty, get up," She says impatiently.

*"I have jet lag," I lie. *"It's seven thirty for me," I say, knowing she won't understand my sarcasm.

She groans. *"Well, you're going with your sister to the market to get coffee. Your grandparents are coming over for brunch."

I cross my arms over my chest. *"Why would they want to come and have breakfast with their son and his soon to be ex-wife?"

*"That's _enough_ , Roderich. Now get dressed and meet Anneliese in the lobby."

I grimace at her and shut the door. I step into the shower quickly and iron a shirt before changing into it along with a pair of black slacks and shoes. I grab my phone and emerge from the room.

*"Anneleise is waiting in the vehicle," my mother says from the lounge.

It was a mistake, returning home. A huge mistake.

I slide into the back of the taxi, leaving a space between Anneliese and I, avoiding her eye contact. She sniffs slightly as the car starts moving. 

Awkward silence descends in the car. Anneliese makes a point not to make eye contact with me and I finally snap.

*"I am not content with this either," I say and she glares at me. *"Shouldn't we be in this together?"

She laughs without humour. *"In _what_ together?"

I can tell the driver is eavesdropping but I continue. *"The divorce. We're both unhappy about it, shouldn't we at least have each other?"

*"You should have thought about that a year ago," she snaps.

*"Mum and Pop were not divorcing a year ago," I rebut.

*"Look, you're the one that fucked up, so don't come crying to me now. I'm only doing this because Mum's been an emotional wreck since they first went to court for the divorce and you've been too busy in fucking London to care."

My jaw drops. *"I left because of _you_!" I shout.

Anneliese rolls her eyes. *"Don't give me that shit. You left because you're a goddamn lying attention whore!"

*"I am not lying!"

*"Oh please, why would _she_  do that?! Why would anyone do that, especially to an annoying prick like  _you_!"

I bite my lip to keep from yelling and spilling it all right now. Anneliese runs a hand through her hair as we stop in front of the market. 

*"Let's get this over with," She snaps before getting out of the vehicle.

My chest aches from our fight. We used to be so close, like best friends. What happened to that?

 _Oh, right. She thinks I did something I didn't do. How could I forget_.

Anneliese's heels click as we enter the shop. 

I follow her around, pushing the cart like her entourage as she tosses different items into it. I sigh, wishing I had never got on that plane to Vienna. And then I realise. _Paterick could have done this. My mother lied to me._ I just forgot what it's like being back in Vienna and my mother knew that I did my own grocery shopping and took advantage of that. _At the manor everything is specially picked out from around the world, not a common grocery shop._

*"Go get a jar of raspberry preserves," Anneliese commands me. *"They're in the next isle over. I'm going to pick out tea."

Without another word, she pushes the cart from me and walks off.

Alone, I walk to the next isle. I skim the shelves for raspberry preserves brining my bottom lip between my teeth for concentration.

I finally pull a jar of red jam off the shelf, reading the label in my hands. I hear someone walk up to me and step to the side, briefly looking up to acknowledge the person.

My blood goes cold and I drop the jam onto the floor, glass shattering everywhere. 


	46. Chapter Forty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> updated 27/10/15  
> (it's my friend forever's birthday asdfghjkl)
> 
> Actually updated 29/10/15 which is my grandmothers birthday and my best friends birthday :^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not my story :))) belongs to tess/seasidestyles on wattpad :))

My heart feels as though it is going to pound out of my chest as I take a few steps back, realising I just shattered a jar of preserves.  
The person stares at me, an eyebrow raised.  
Leigh Edelstein.  
The woman that single-handedly ruined my life.

" _Roderich_?" She asks, as if she does not believe it is me.

My throat is dry as I take another step back. *"Y-yes." I stammer.

A friendly smile breaks out on her face. *"Wow, you look great," She says. *"How have you been?"

*"Fine," I manage to say.

*"Good. How's Anneliese?"

*"Fine," I repeat.

She looks the same. Same dark eyes and dark hair, with a bright smile. The only difference is that small crinkles have formed near her lips and eyes.

*"I heard you moved to London," She continues the conversation. *"What's it like there?"

*"Nice," I answer. I clear my throat and straighten my posture. *"Very nice."

An employee rounds the corner of the isle, taking in the shattered glass and splattered jam. *"Oh, God," She mutters under her breath, shaking her head. *"Careful next time," she says as she turns to retrieve cleaning supplies.

I flush and look down.

*"I'd love coffee some time?" Leigh asks.

I shake my head. *"No, I'm leaving Sunday."

*"Oh." She nods.

*"And even if I was not, I would not have coffee with _you_ ," I say.

She raises an eyebrow. *"Is that so?"

*"You scarred me for the rest of my life and ruined my relationship with my sister," I hiss as the employee returns with a broom and dust pan.

As if on cue, Anneliese walks into the isle, an annoyed expression on her face. She stops short when she sees Leigh. 

"Annaliese," she says, turning to her. *"What a pleasant surprise," Leigh smiles and Anneliese goes up to her, hugging her.

When they separate, her vision flicks from Leigh, to me and then back again.

She regains her composure and straightens up. *"Aunt Leigh," she says with a cheeky smile. She eyes me.

*"You look stunning," she says, looking her up and down.

The cheeky smile returns. *"Thank you."

It's as if they had both forgotten everything Leigh's done to us;me more specifically. She's acting like we're all a happy family again.  
Flashbacks and memories begin to cloud my vision as Leigh meets my gaze again, her eyes glinting in the light of the supermarket.  
I begin to feel dizzy and I know if I don't get away from Leigh soon, I'll vomit or pass out or both.

*"We shouldn't keep mum waiting," I say to Anneliese.

She nods and hugs Leigh goodbye. We walk past Leigh and the shattered jam, her heels clicking on the polished linoleum.  
I follow quickly behind, fighting to keep the memories out of my mind.  
We buy whatever Anneliese throws in (though mum only said coffee but she lied to me anyway,) and load the taxi quickly. I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure Leigh isn't behind us. I fight my anger as I'm slammed with memories again and again.  
Anneliese is silent on the way home. I don't know what she's thinking, but I'm sure it involves multiple curses towards me.

*"Why did you break the jam?" She asks me suddenly, not turning to look at me.

*"What?"

*"You dropped the jam back there. Why?"

*"I did not expect to see her."

Anneliese clenches her jaw. *"Really?"

*"Annie, you have to believe me. I didn't--"

*"Don't call me that," she snaps. "You've lost the _right_ to call me that."

*"I'm your brother--"

*"I don't give a damn." Her gaze is fiery and venomous. *"You made her leave, Roderich. You humiliated her and then lied. The one who was like a sibling to the both of us."

I fall silent. It's no use. It's my word against Leigh's, and no doubt Anneliese is buying into hers.

We arrive home and unload the groceries without speaking. _This weekend has been a disaster_ , I think for the millionth time in twenty four hours.

My mother looks on as Anneliese and I enter the manor with the sacks of food and place them where Paterick and Marcus instruct us to place them. My mothers arms are crossed over her chest and she stands with rigid posture.

I feel like screaming.

I make my way to the room as soon as all the groceries are put away. *"Your grandparents are arriving at nineteen hundred," my mother calls after me. *"Be ready by then."

*"I recall them arriving for brunch?" I furrow my eyebrows.

*"Change of plans." She simply says.

I mentally roll my eyes. How dare she act so casual about the situation when she was the one who planned it? I shut the door quickly. I open a manuscript I took with me and lose myself in it, ignoring the multiple knocks on my door from my mother and father trying to speak to me. I feel like a thirteen year old being banned form going to her friend's house, cooped in here, ignoring my parents.

My father knocks now, for the fourth time. I sigh and put down my pen. *"Yes?" I ask and he opens the door, peeking in.

"Roderich," he greets me stepping into the room. I clench my jaw.  
*"What are you working on?"

*"I'm editing," I reply.

*"Interesting," he says.

I sigh. *"What is it you want?"

*"I just wanted to talk to you," he says, taking a seat in the armchair by the door.

*"About what?"

*"Everything that has happened in the past few months," he says. I stare at him. *"You have to understand that your mother and I--"

*"No, I do not have to _understand_ anything. I'm sick of always being the outcast in the family." I sit up on the bed, anger taking over my system.

*"Outcast? When have you been the _outcast_?"

*"Ever since Anneliese accused me of sleeping with _our aunt,_ you three have formed a tight little bond and left me out of it. I do not care anymore." I cross my arms over my chest.

*"Roderich, you're being unfair."

*"No, I'm being observant."

My father sighs and shakes his head. He stands up. *"I'm sorry you feel that way, Roderich," he says. *"But we are your family, and you cannot change that."

I grimace as he walks out of the bedroom and shuts the door.

At nineteen hundred sharp, my mother knocks on my door and steps into my room. *"They're here, come out and say hello," she says before turning and walking out.

I sigh and drag myself out of bed. I check my hair in the mirror and touch up the shirt that has slight wrinkles on it before walking into the lounge.

My grandparents sit on the sofa, looking the same as the last time I saw them. My grandmother's dirty blonde hair with silver touches curls and plum lipstick covers her small lips. My grandfather wears a cravat-- one of his many white cravats I have grown fond of over the years.

"Roderich," my grandfather says, smiling as I enter.

*"Hello, grandmother and grandfather," I greet them, opening my arms for hugs from them.

*"Look how handsome you are, Roddy," my grandmother gushes. *"You must have all the London ladies after you."

Anneliese snorts and I glare at her.

*"So, how have you been?" My grandfather asks as I sit on an armchair adjacent to the couch. 

*"Alright," I say. *"Very busy."

*"Oh, I'm sure," my grandmother says. *"I hear you're working for Kirkland Publishing!"

*"Indeed," I nod.

*"And Anneliese?" My grandmother asks. *"Do _you_ plan on working?"

Anneliese shakes her head. *"I rather stay and preform at the festivals her in Vienna. After all, it is my fair city along with Mother and Father."

My grandmother purses her lips. *"Isn't there anything more to it? You're great at math, Lizzie, perhaps you can do more to help. Maybe take trips and find something somewhere and when it is time, you return."

*"I'm not like Roderich, see," Anneliese says. *"Yes we are twins, but we are _very_ different." She eyes me and I flush, looking to the floor. Anneliese has always been one to hold a grudge.

*"Dinner is ready, everyone," my mother enters the room and then turns back to the dinning room.

We all follow and I've never felt so relieved in my life. My father is already seated at the table, looking over documents of some sort. He puts them away into a manila folder when we all walk in.

The chef serves the dinner of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, mac and cheese and steamed vegetables. We all dig in.

*"So tell me what it's like working for Kirkland," my grandfather says.

*"It is very nice," I say. "I like the manuscripts available to edit, and I'm situated quite close the the office. Only a few blocks away."

_~~(stops doing the aster thingy b/c I'm too lazy to keep doing it over and over again. But, you get the gist. They're always speaking German in Austria~~ **EXCEPT** ~~when Gilbert and Roderich speak on the phone together.)~~ _

"Wow," my grandmother says. "You must be able to walk to work, then!"

My mind flashes to when Antonio and ~~Francis~~  stopped me when I was walking home from work that night. I swallow. "Not exactly," I laugh shakily.

"We're very proud of you, Roddy," my mother says.

I look down at the food. How can they all act like we're a model family, like my mother and father aren't getting divorced? Do my grandparents even know?

The first part of the meal is relatively silent, with only the sound of chewing and forks clanking against plates ringing through the atmosphere. Anneliese continues to eye me from her spot across the table. I think something snapped in her today when we ran into Leigh at the shop. Something snapped in me, too.

"So," my grandmother says, pursing her plum coloured lips into a tight line. "When are you finalising the divorce?"

I can tell the question caught my parents by surprise when my mother pale and my father spits his wine back into its glass.

"Wh-what?" The shaky tone in my mother's voice tells me they didn't tell my grandparents about the divorce-so who did?

My question is soon answered by Anneliese's smirk.

My father catches it too, and drops his fork onto his plate. " _Anneliese_?" He asks sternly.

"What?" She snaps. "What's the point of keeping it a secret? You think they wouldn't notice if their daughter and son-in-law got a divorce?"

"It was not your place to tell them," my mother interjects.

Anneliese rolls her eyes. "Sure. They now know, big deal."

My father picks his fork back up and continues to slowly eat.

"Well?" My grandmother asks. "Are you going to answer my question? When are you finalising the divorce?"

My mother clears her throat. "November."

I almost choke on my food. "What? _November_?"

All eyes fall on me.

"Yes, Roderich," my father says. "November fourteenth."

"That's so soon," I say, my voice going lower at the end.

"What did you expect?" Anneliese snaps.

My eyes flash to her and my mother sets down her fork.

"Enough, everyone," she says. "Let's change the subject."

Anneliese opens her mouth to interject but my mother gives her a stern look and she closes it.

November third. Today is September twenty-nine. That's less than six weeks away. My parents will no longer be married in less than a month.

The thought almost sickens me and I take a long drink of my water.

"So, Anneliese," my grandmother says, breaking the short silence. "How is your favourite aunt Leigh?"

My stomach drops to the floor, my throat drying up. I swallow my food slowly, my eyes locked on Anneliese.

"Oh, aunt Leigh?"

I want to be anywhere but here right now. The temperature of the room seems to rise twenty degrees.

"Aunt Leigh got a nice new flat. I go whenever she calls," Anneliese says, smiling at my grandmother. "Things just..." She turns to look directly at me. "...Got complicated here."

"Oh, I apologise," my grandmother says, her eyes shifting between Anneliese and I. "She seemed really happy here, especially since you were emotional support."

_Please, grandmother. Please stop talking._

"She was," Anneliese agrees. "She _loved_ it here." Her tone turns cold and her eyes ignite in flames.

I rise from my seat abruptly, causing all attention to turn to me. I continue to stare at Anneliese, my mouth dry.

"Roderich? What's wrong?" My mother asks.

"I..." I break away from Anneliese's gaze. "Excuse me."

I turn and walk out of the dining room, shutting the doors as I leave. I grab a coat from the rack by the door, swiftly opening the door to the manor and walk out, dialling a number I wish I would have never had to call again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so in case you are thinking "wtf, rich people are shopping for their own groceries?" I would like to make it clear that Roderich left like a year ago so he's gotten used to going to buy his groceries. Anneliese just wants to make her mum a tad bit glad though she does not want to be in the situation at all. Leigh, however, though she is Roderich's aunt, she is not rich. She only stayed at the Edelstein manor for a couple of weeks.
> 
> Anymore question pls tweet me. https://www.twitter.com/wavegrid
> 
> p.s: I was really tempted to spell noice instead of nice jfc
> 
> *: german


	47. Chapter Forty Six

"Roderich," Leigh answers on the other end of the line. "How nice of you to call."

"C-can you meet me?" I rush out, my heart beating wildly.

" _Meet you?_ " She pauses. "Where?"

"Uh..." I look around me. "There's a coffee shop on the corner of eight and seventy fourth."

"Alright."

I hang up and walk across the street, taking a seat at a table outside the coffee shop. I cannot believe I'm doing this. Leigh is a major reason- of not the sole reason- I left Vienna in the first place. And yet, here I am, waiting for her to meet me at a damn coffee shop at the end of the street.

My thoughts wander to Gilbert. Believe it or not, I actually anticipate seeking him when I get home. He's proved to actually be a decent friend, and I think I was in need of one. But there's always that little nagging part of me that wants to know more about him. He has so many secrets, I know it. Every time I learn something new about him, I still seem to be faced with a thousand other things that leave me in the dark. He's like the moon, Gilbert is- part of him is always hidden.

Suddenly my phone buzzes in my lap. I pick up hurriedly.

"Hello?"

"Hey, your mail got put in my box again. What did I tell you about letting that happen?"

Gilbert's playful tone calms my nerves slightly and I laugh. "I'm sorry," I say. "Just put it outside my door and I'll pick it up when I get home."

"Very well." There's some rustling on the other end.

"Gilbert?" I blurt.

"Hmm?"

"Do you...do you believe in me?"

"What do you mean?"

I swallow. "I'm about to do something...something big. Do you believe I can do it?"

Gilbert is silent for a few moments. "Of course you can do it."

His words send a rush of joy through me. The fact that he didn't ask me what it was I was doing-- he didn't badger or question me at all-- makes a strong feeling of fondness towards him bubble inside me.

"That is all I wanted to hear," I breathe. I laugh shakily, my heart still pounding. "Thank you, Gilbert."

"Any time, Roddy." I hear his smile in his voice.

"I have to go, again, sorry about the mail." I smile.

"You'd better be sorry. You have a shit load of music subscriptions, and I haven't even heard of half of them."

"Goodbye, Gilbert."

"Bye, Roderich."

I hang up and sigh, my nerves slightly calmed by the sound of Gilbert's voice. I look down at my lap.

"Roderich Edelstein."

I snap up and internally cringe when I meet Leigh's gaze. She smirks down at me, her tall frame towering above me. My prior nerves return in a smashing tidal wave.

"Sit," I say simply, and she complies, taking a seat across from me at the small table.

"Is that anyway to talk to a lady?" She says, sarcasm in her tone. She leans back, her eyes gleaming sinisterly. "So, what can I do for you?"

Her words make me flinch but I compose myself. I take a breath. "I need you to tell Anneliese the truth."

She raises an eyebrow. "The truth about what?"

"You know what." I quickly say.

She reclines in her seat, a smirk on her face. "And why would I do that?"

"Because it's been a _year_ , Leigh," I say. "How much longer are you going to keep this up? It's practically destroying my family."

"What's in it for me?"

"Why does there have to be something in it for you?"

"Roderich, I think you're forgetting just what happened that night."

"I'm not forgetting a _thing_ , Leigh. Just give it up, yes? Please." My voice cracks at the end slightly.

Leigh's jaw clenches. "I don't know, Roddy," she says and I feel like passing out.

I suddenly feel a rush of anger. This woman has been the cause of so much conflict, so much pain, and I've had it. Gilbert's words swim into my mind.

 _Of course you can do it_.

"Leigh," I sit on the edge of my seat. "You are pathetic. You are carrying around these lies with you everywhere you go, and you don't care on the effect it is having on me even after a year. You never cared about any of us; not Anneliese, not my mother, not your brother- my father. How could you? You would not have done what you did if you really cared for them," I say in a monotone, my eyes flashing.

Leigh looks taken aback by my outburst, and I am glad. I am glad I shocked her, I am glad she's surprised that silent, submissive Roderich is finally telling her what she needs to hear.

"Tell them the truth," I say. "Behave like a _fucking_ classy woman for once and tell them the _goddamn_ truth."

I stand from my seat, pulling my coat tighter around me. The wind blows harshly through the streets, nipping at my cheeks and nose.

"I leave tomorrow," I tell her. "I'd prefer it if you tell them by then."

I turn on my heel and walk back down the street, feeling a bit of weigh lifting off my shoulders. This agonising year of feeling torment because of that woman has seemed to blow away with the wind. That night will forever be burned into my memories, but standing up to Leigh has made it just a little less painful.

I hang up my coat on the coat rack when I step back inside of the manor. My mother steps out of the corridor to greet me back, her eyes soften in relief.

"Roderich, thank God," she says, walking toward me and pulling me into a hug. "We had not a clue where you had gone, I-"

"I am an adult," I laugh into her hair.

"I know, I know," she says, pulling away. "But you'll always be my little boy."

I suddenly feel like crying at my mother's statement. I had never once considered that it would be difficult for her for me to move a thousand miles from here, when I grew up here and even though it felt like she didn't care about me, she did but she was dealing with conflict between both of her children. I had been too focused on leaving immediately. She must have been heartbroken that she failed me for once in her life; but truth is, she didn't fail me.

"I love you, mum," I say. "And I apologise for acting like such a child about you and father."

She nods. "I am sorry for keeping it from you," she says. "That was not right."

I feel like a different person- Regular me would never have called Leigh, or apologised openly to my mother. Regular Roderich would have shut himself in his room and spent time editing manuscripts for work. Regular me would still be dating Natalia and hating Gilbert.

I am beginning to hate regular Roderich.

A burst of courage erupts in me and I walk away from my mother and begin rushing up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" My mother asks.

"To Anneliese's room. I need to talk," I answer as I walk faster through the wide corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who is still reading this I must know


	48. Chapter Forty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls love me guys, I'm updating again ;-;  
> it'd be nice if you guys commented, no one does any more.

I knock on Anneliese's door and she answers shortly, a frown upon her lips. She's dressed in her nightwear, her dark hair is loose and looks slightly damp. "What?" She snaps at me.

"May we speak?" I ask.

" _You_ can speak," she says, turning and walking back into her bedroom. I follow, shutting the door softly behind me. She takes a seat on her bed and picks up a nail file, running it across the tips of her nails. 

Where do I start? There is so much tension between us at this moment, I can practically feel it in the air. I take a breathe.

"Anneliese, what exactly did you feel towards Leigh?"

She looks up, furrowing her brow. "What did I _feel_ towards her?"

I nod, remaining near the door.

"She is my aunt, Roderich. I love her," she says simply.

"Do you really? After how she used to treat you?"

She stops filing her nails and looks at me. "That was her past, she was going through a bad time," She purses her lips. Which is why it was that much more painful to learn what you did. You're disgusting."

I shut my eyes. "Do you believe what Leigh told you?" I ask slowly, reopening my eyes. "About me?"

"That is obvious, isn't it?" She goes back to filing her nails.

I swallow.

"Leigh never loved you."

Anneliese freezes. slowly looking up at me. " _What_ did you just say?"

"I said, Leigh never loved you."

She narrows her eyes. "What makes you think you have the _fucking_ right to say that to me?"

"I just talked to her. I met her at the coffee shop on the corner."

"What the hell were you doing talking to him at a coffee shop?"

"I needed to clear up some things." The words coming out of my mouth are not from Regular Roderich, not at all.

"Clear up? What, did you fuck her in the restroom or something?"

 _That's it_.

"You know what, Anneliese?" I ball my hands into fists. "I'm done trying. I'm done trying to mend our bad relationship here, when all you do is insult me. I'm tired of being accused of something that I did not do, alright? I _did not_ do it. I did not harass nor assault Leigh, I didn't _'fuck_ ' her in a coffee shop restroom, and I sure as hell know that she didn't love you at all. And you know why? Because she's a _fucking_ scum bag, Anneliese. She didn't love any of us. Never fucking did. So go ahead, say I'm disgusting again, hell, say I'm disgusting _twenty_ times because I'm leaving tomorrow and when I do, I'm not going to mope over the fact that your holding a grudge against me."

I cross my arms over my chest as Anneliese gapes at me, her nail file falling onto her lap. It feels so good to finally say that, to finally have some kind of closure on what happened, even if it wasn't the best closure.

"Anything you'd like to add?" I ask her.

She swallows, looking down at her lap.

I turn on my heel and walk out of her room, and going to mine instead. I change into my nightwear and slip into bed, placing my glasses on one of the bedside tables.

I'm drifting off to sleep when I hear my door creak open and someone pad into the room.

I jolt up in bed, switching on the bedside lamp and grab my glasses, placing them on my face.

Anneliese stands timidly by the door. She looks so young in that moment, her eyes no longer harsh and spiteful, but soft and slightly sheepish.

"Anneliese? What do you want? It's one thirty in the-"

"I can't sleep."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

She takes her bottom lip into her mouth. "Can... can I sleep in here?"

I stare at her. Not two hours ago we were fighting, and now here she is, asking if she can sleep in my room tonight. It reminds me of Gilbert and I when we first met.

"I suppose," I sigh and she pads over to my bed, slipping in next to me. I switch off the lamp and lay back down, shutting my eyes.

"Remember when we used to jump on Mum and Dad's bed and we'd get our dessert taken away?"

Her voice rings through the silence.

"Yes," I say. "But it was worth it because their bed was practically a trampoline."

"Yeah." I hear Anneliese's smile in her voice.

I turn onto my back. "Remember when we'd try to make snowmen in the garden, but Dad got angry because he thought we'd get sick?"

"And we'd get upset and cry so Mum made us hot chocolate and Dad slipped us extra marshmallows."

"And that one time I spilled it on the game rooms couch and I was grounded for a week."

"Oh, yeah. Mum was so cross."

We laugh in the darkness.

"I talked to Leigh," Anneliese says softly.

I exhale slowly.

"She...she explained everything." Her voice lowers to a whisper.

"Did she."

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I should have listened to my own brother instead of a sleaze bag like her."

I look over at her. "Yes. You should have."

"I'm really sorry about what she did to you, too." Anneliese's bottom lip quivers. "I... I guess I've always wanted to believe people change, you know? She was so messed up in the head, ripping the heads off my dolls and smoking in my room, and 'accidentally' burning me with the buds. I didn't think she was a bad person because she was related to dad." She shuts her eyes. "So when I saw...what I saw, I guess it was the perfect reason to make me think you were worst than her." Her voice cracks and she opens her eyes again. "I've been such a shitty sister." A few tears escape her eyes and I reach over to wipe them away, propping myself up on my elbow.

"Please, don't cry," I say. "It's over now, it's in the past."

She nods and takes a shaky breath. "I know." She sits up in bed. "I love you, Roddy."

"I love you too, Annie."

She reaches for me and we embrace tightly, just like we used to when one of us was struggling. It feels so good to have my sister back. This past year has been such a difficult one without her support, and an empty gap in my chest seems to fill up again. I know Anneliese is crying and I'm on the brink of tears, but it's okay, because we're siblings again.

-

"Have a safe flight," my mother says, squeezing me in a tight hug. "wash your hands if you use an aeroplane restroom. Those thing are infested with germs."

"I won't forget, Mum," I say as my flight is announced over the loudspeaker. This weekend was horrible at the beginning, but after speaking to Anneliese, it got considerably better.

"I'll miss you," Anneliese says in my ear as we hug.

"I will miss you, too, I say. "You should come visit some time. when you are on break from college."

She nods. "Definitely."

My father is last to hug me. I groan as he wraps his arms around me, squeezing me in a tight hug. "I love you, Little Roddy," he says. calling me my old nickname. "Make sure to call soon."

"I will," I say as I pull away from him, gathering my things. I dust myself off. "Good, um...good luck in court next month."

My parents look to the floor, nodding.

"See you soon," they call after me as I turn and hand the woman at the desk my boarding pass. I wave to my family one last time before boarding the plane.

I look around for Ludwig, my previous flying companion, but I don't see his signature blonde slicked hair anywhere so I take my seat and open a manuscript. I barely did any editing this weekend, so I should definitely attempt to catch up on this flight.

-

When the plane finally lands and I collect my luggage and run a hand through my hair. It is nineteen hundred. I search for my car in the parking lot and slip into it to find that it is freezing. I shiver and blast the heat, turning on the ignition and driving home.

I know the flat is going to be freezing, and I'm dreading walking in there.

I stumble into the flat, dragging my luggage behind me to discover that it is indeed frigid inside. I walk to the thermostat, cranking it high and wrapping a blanket around myself.

By eight thirty, I'm unpacked and showered. I realise I haven't spoken to Gilbert since Friday night. I walk across the hall to knock on his door.

I wait a few minutes before knocking again. A muffled "come in" sounds through the door and I twist the knob and enter.

"Gilbert?" I call when I take in the empty living room.

"In here," he calls.

I follow his voice to his bedroom. He lies on his back, palms pressed to his eyes. He wears a gray knit sweater and his signature jeans.

He sighs and sits up, shooting me a tired smile. "Hey, how are you?"

"Fine," I answer slowly. "Is everything alright?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I just have a bitching hangover," he says. pressing his fingers to his temples.

"Why?"

"A client suspected Ivan was cheating him for his money so Ivan threw him a party, nothing new," Gilbert groans. "Long story short, Antonio beat me at beer pong."

I snort. "You lost at beer pong? Loser."

He looks up. "Is that a challenge, Little Master?"

I shrug. "I just got off of an aeroplane, I have nothing to lose."

"Maybe some other time, when I don't have a knife stabbing into my brain," Gilbert says. He looks up at me. "How was it, by the way? With your sister?"

"We actually made up, the other night," I say, sitting besides Gilbert on the bed when he gestures for me to sit by him. "I think things are alright now." I smile.

"That's great, Roderich," Gilbert says. He pauses. "I ran out of Advil, do you have any?"

"My sister gave me Pamprin, I still have those."

"What the hell is _Pamprin_?"

"It is... _sort_ of like Advil, I guess."

"It'll do." Gilbert stands.

"I don't know," I say. "Do your symptoms include moodiness, bloating, abdominal cramps, extreme hunger? Perhaps a heavy flow?"

"What the hell, no-" Gilbert widens his eyes and shuts his mouth. " _Oh_."

I throw my head back in laughter. Gilbert rolls his eyes.

"You-you-" I double over in laughter. 

"Shut up, Little Master, I thought you were serious."

I continue to laugh as Gilbert sits back down and puts his head in his hands, a smile gracing his lips.

My laughter finally ceases and Gilbert looks up, his red eyes glinting with humour. "Hey, want to go somewhere?"

"Where?"

"Somewhere cool."

"I don't know."

"Come on, let's go. It'll be fun." Gilbert stands up and pockets his car keys.

"I'm a little tired-"

"Don't be a party pooper."

"I am not a party pooper."

"Then let's go."

"What if this is your twisted plan to kill me?"

"If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead."

"Likewise."

We both laugh. Gilbert shakes his head, rubbing his eye.

He stands. "Well, I'm going. You can come with me if you want, or you can go take your 'sisters' Pamprin."

"Hey!" I rise and sock him in the shoulder lightly.

"Might want to take a double dosage, your moodiness is hitting extreme levels."

"I am not the one who lost at beer pong."

"Antonio's good, okay!"

" _Excuses_."

Gilbert rolls his eyes. "Are you coming with me, or not?"

I sigh. "Fine, I will go with you."

"Good choice, Roddy." He smirks and leads me out of his flat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so for u perves out there, there is no incest IT'S SIBLING LOVE DAMN IT. LIKE WHEN U N UR LITTLE BROTHER WERE TUCKED INTO BED. JFC. ANNELIESE IS JUST BEING NOSTALGIC.


	49. Chapter Forty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ:  
> This chapter has very triggering topics so please read at your own risk.

Gilbert turns on the radio as we drive along, and launches into a speech on how music these days is all based around sex. I watch him as he talks animatedly, sometimes removing both of his hands from the wheel to make a point. At those times I quickly remind him to have two hands on the steering wheel and he laughs before complying.

"Where are we going?" I ask him.

"You'll recognise it," he says, a sly smile forming on his lips.

"You're not taking me to play poker again, right?"

"No, don't worry. You won't have to face losing at poker to me."

"I would _not_ lose."

"Roddy, Roddy. I don't think you know who you're talking to."

I narrow my eyes at him and he smirks, raising his eyebrows at me.

When he finally parks the car, I furrow my brow in confusion. "Are we at...Kirkland?"

"Yep," Gilbert says, getting out of the car.

"Why?" I ask. "Of all the places to kill me, you think Kirkland is best?"

Gilbert laughs and locks his car. "Absolutely."

I follow Gilbert though the lobby and into the lift. I eye him carefully as he pushes the button for the fifteenth floor. He notices me watching him and smirks.

"I'm not going to push all the buttons," he says, leaning back against the wall of the lift as it begins to ascend. "Being stuck with you in a small, compact space is enough for me."

I scoff. "You're one to talk."

We both smirk at each other as the lift finally stops, dinging open. We step out and I look at Gilbert confusedly when he begins climbing the stairs to the roof.

"Why are we going to the roof?" I ask.

"Because there's something I want to show you," he answers.

I furrow my brow but follow him anyway. The cool air greets us as we arrive on the roof. The city is lit up around us, the sound of honking horns and bustling people hanging in the air.

"Wow," I breath unintentionally. "This is beautiful."

"It is, isn't it." Gilbert sticks his hands in his pockets, sighing.

I watch Gilbert as he walks away from me, making his way toward the middle of the roof. I tentatively follow, wondering what he's up to.

As we walk closer, I notice in the middle of the roof area is the large skylight window that looks straight down to the lobby. All of the floors are built around this area, so you can see all fifteen stories from it.

I watch in disbelief as Gilbert steps right onto the glass, turning around and facing me.

"Are you insane?" I ask him.

"Maybe," he grins. "Come on."

I shake my head. "No."

"Come on, Roddy. It won't break. This glass is fourteen inches thick, at least."

 "I don't care." I cross my arms over my chest.

"Roderich." Gilbert walks to the edge of the glass, where I stand. He extends his hand to me, smirking. "Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid."

"Prove it."

I sigh. "If it breaks, I blame you."

"Fair enough."

I tentatively reach out and take his hand, stepping onto the slick glass. Below me is fifteen stories, and my stomach flips. I grip Gilbert's hand tightly, and he smirks.

"Don't cut off my circulation, now," he teases and I loop my other arm around him, just for safety.

"It's so far down," I say softly as Gilbert leads me to the middle of the large window.

"Yeah, if you fell, you'd go _splat_."

I glare at him and he laughs, pulling my hand down with him as he sits. I carefully sit beside him, removing my hand from his warm one. The breeze blows around us, making me shiver slightly.

"Will we get in trouble for being here?" I ask.

Gilbert shrugs. "Not if we don't get caught."

I look over at Gilbert. His cheeks are flushed with a healthy pink and his white hair blows slightly in the wind. His crimson eyes reflect the city lights around us, his lips are small and pale. I've never cared to admit it before, but he's one of the most devilishly handsome boys I've ever seen.

"So tell me about Vienna."

Gilbert's slow voice breaks me from my trance and I slightly blush, thankful that my cheeks are already rosy from the cold breeze.

"Well, it was one of the worst weekends of my life," I say. "Until Anneliese and I made up last night."

"What ever did happen between you two?"

I look at him. "I..."

As much as I trust Gilbert, a small part of me doesn't want to let this secret go. I mean, he's hardly told me anything about his past, so why should I tell him about mine? This is my darkest secret that I've kept hidden inside of me, lurking there in the depths of my soul, and I don't think I'll ever fully be prepared to tell anyone about it.

"Don't want to tell me, do you?" Gilbert's eyes hold something I can't decipher. He looks away. "I know the feeling."

"It is not something I'm proud of," I say quietly.

Gilbert chews on his lip. "How about this," he says. "If you tell me your secret, I'll tell you one of mine."

My heart rate quickens. He knows he's using my curiosity against me, and I know too.

"Gilbert, I..."

"Come on, Roderich. A secret for a secret."

I look back into his eyes, and I suddenly believe that he really wants to know. Not just for the sake of knowing, either, (maybe) he wants to know because he cares. Maybe he cares because we're friends, or that we're bound by secrets regarding Russia Enterprises, but either way, it doesn't matter. All that matters is my hope that he cares. Gilbert cares.

So I open my mouth to tell him my darkest secret.

 

 

_"Roderich," my mother says as the baker sets the cake down on the dining table. The party is in full swing around us, with music being played by the orchestra and young men asking the young women to dance. The lights shine bright in the main hall, casting a ball-like feel through the area. I'm surprised my parents are hosting a party this big-normally it would be between every member of this household. But Anneliese and I are finally 'flying from the nest,' so I suppose it calls for proper celebration._

_I look up at my mother from my seat at the table. "Yes ma'am?"_

_"Go find Anneliese. It's time to blow out the candles."_

_I nod and stand. Today is the start of our careers, and we wanted to celebrate this special moment with everyone, including our friends. All of our friends from college are here, and even some old acquaintances showed up._

_I weave through the throngs of people, waving occasionally. I knock on Anneliese's door, knowing she and our aunt Leigh disappeared in there earlier. I've never felt quite right about Leigh. She used to bully Anneliese and say nasty things to her. I know that was before her rehab but she still 'secretly' continued it. Something has always been off about their relationship, as if Leigh is damaging Anneliese and I have a feeling it is jealousy. I know she is my aunt and I should not be thinking like that since she is mentally ill._

_When there is no answer, I knock again, this time a bit louder._

_"Who is it?" A muffled voice asks._

_"Roderich," I answer._

_I hear a door shutting and rustling inside the room as slow music plays and suddenly the door swings open, a hand grabbing my wrist and yanking me inside. The door shuts behind me and I'm shoved up against it, my glasses fall off of my face and my body collides with the wooden door._

_My eyes slightly adjust to the bright light. I look around for Anneliese, but she's nowhere to be found. Instead I meet the eyes of Leigh, who steps forward and presses her body against mine. She traces my jawline with her fingertips, a dangerous smirk spreading across her face._

_"What are you doing?" I ask, trying to get her to unhand me._

_She grabs my chin, forcing me to look at her. "Roddy, Roddy," she coos. "You don't need to worry, it's only me." She smirks again before feverishly pressing her lips on mine. I taste lingering tobacco on them as he pries my lips open with her tongue, shoving it down my throat._

_I push her away from me, disgusted. "Stop," I say. "You're malicious."_

_She laughs. "That doesn't mean we can't have a little fun, does it Roddy?" Her eyes flash as she stalks back towards me, her fingers running up my thigh. I push with all my might but she's stronger and looks like she's not even trying. It's embarrassing. I gasp as they rub against my under wear line, and within seconds, she's tightly grasped me._

_"Stop-"_

_She clamps her other hand to my mouth and I squirm, trying desperately to get away from her as she leans in and sucks on my neck harshly. She moves her hand and grips harder, and tears spring to my eyes. No, no, no. This isn't happening. This is just a twisted nightmare._

_"I know you're enjoying this, Roddy,": she purrs into my ear. She undoes my buckle and scratches her hand down and pain shoots through me, along with fear._

_In a last attempt to escape her grasp, I move my head and hit her with it. Her hands let go of me as she clutches her head, pain over taking her features._

_I try to recover and fumble from the door handle, but she's too quick. She rises to her full height like a predator, her eyes flashing._

_I cower against the door as she grabs my wrist, yanking me away from the door and striking me hard across the face. Tears fall down my face as I fall on the ground._

_"You do **not** refuse me, do you understand?" She snarls, kicking me. I wince and try to find the strength to fight back, but I don't seem to have any._

_She pins me down and begins to press her lips to mine again, when suddenly the door creaks open. I frantically look up, relief washing over me and then disappearing as I lock eyes with my sister._

_"R-Roderich?" She stammers in confusion. "Aunt?"_

_Leigh stands quickly and begins crying, hugging Anneliese. "Anneliese! He- he tried to rape me! He's an animal! He's wicked!" She hysterically gasps for air. "He tried to rape me!"_

_I stare at Anneliese, expressionless. I don't understand._

_"I can't believe you," she snaps at me, her eyes flashing. "You **disgusting** animal!"_

_More tears stream down my face as I get up, desperately attempting to form words. "Anneliese, I didn't-"_

_"Don't even talk to me, you fucking pig. Come on, Auntie, let's report him to Adrian and Vanessa." She softly turns to Leigh, slowly walking down the hall._

_I crumble to the floor, sobs raking my body. I have never felt so betrayed, pathetic, and hopeless in my life._

 

 

Tears drip down my face as I finish telling Gilbert. He looks at me deeply, his brow furrowed.

"That is it," I say, removing my glasses and wiping the tears from my face. "That's my secret." My voice shallows at the end of my statement.

"That's why you don't like being called 'Roddy,' is it?" Gilbert asks softly.

I nod.

Gilbert, for the first time since I've met him, is lost for words.

After a few minutes, he finally finds them.

"You're really strong, Roderich," he says, looking into my eyes. In a completely out-of-character gesture, he reaches out and puts a soothing hand on my shoulder, using his other hand to wipe my tears.

I look down onto my lap. "I made her tell them," I say. "I made Leigh tell my family that she lied."

Gilbert stares at me.

"It only took her a year." I laugh dryly. "But Anneliese finally forgave me for something I never even did. I know my parents didn't believe her because they know her."

"A silence takes over after that. The sun has set by now, and shining stars have begun to pop up in the sky. I suddenly remember that Gilbert owes me a secret.

"Now that you're informed of my secret, you must tell me yours," I say, wiping the remainder of my tears.

Gilbert smiles crookedly. "Which one?"

I contemplate this. It's obvious Gilbert has many secrets-so which one do I want to know about? Before I can think, words tumble from my mouth.

"Tell me about the time you fell in love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this thank you and I love you.


	50. Chapter Forty Nine

The words leave my mouth and I quickly shut it, my heart pounding.

Gilbert's expression hardens. "Pick a different one," he says quickly. He breaks my gaze and looks down, his brow furrowed thoughtfully.

"No," I say firmly. "No, you said reciprocity. I kept up my end of the reciprocity, so keep yours."

He sighs, looking down. My old sense of curiosity is eating me alive again, anticipating what he's going to say.

He's silent for so long I think he may never say anything, but he finally speaks.

"Her name was Elizabeta," he says quietly. "Elizabeta Héderváry." He chews on his lip. "I met her in a bar when I was half hammered, and the only thing I could think the moment I met her was, ' _she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen_.'"

A small smile graces his lips. "She had this brown hair, real soft. It was long, too. It fell halfway down her back, and she always wore it in there waves I liked. And--and she had these really green eyes that were clear, like the ocean on a sunny day. They were so green, Roderich. So green." I see the memories clouding before his eyes as he looks up at the sky.

He takes a breath before continuing. "I had just moved from Germany, and I was a mess. But when I met Eliza-damn. She was like nicotine, that girl. She didn't commit to anyone, and I knew that, but somehow I just kept going back to her. It would be three in the morning, and I'd be up, and I'd call her and she'd always pick up. Every time." The smile falls from his lips. "And before I knew it, I couldn't let her go."

He meets my gaze. "Except, I was nothing to her. I knew that, too. I knew she only kept me around because I was crazy for her, and she thrived on that. I knew it, but I didn't do anything about it."

He looks off into the distance. "So when she told me she was moving back to Hungary to pursue a career in communication applications, I guess I wasn't too surprised. I told her I loved her that day, and she laughed in my face."

I stare at Gilbert, captivated.

"I remember every second of that day," he says quietly. "It's like, everything I said to her bounced off of her. Nothing I said mattered."

"The day she left, I was gutted. I wanted to scream and yell at her for leading me on all this time, but instead I just watched her move out of your-" He stops himself, looking away quickly.

"What? My what?"

He sighs. "Your flat," he says softly. "She lived in your flat."

It all seems to click in my mind. "That is why you hated me," I say, furrowing my brow. "Not because you thought I was pretentious- because I moved into her flat and you hated that."

He nods. "Yeah." He looks down. "The day we met, and I told you to keep the noise down...I came over to just...see for myself that she was _really_ gone. I mean, it had been three years. No one moved in, I had just thought it would remain vacant, and I was okay with that. But when you answered the door...and-and you had this dark hair with these...these _violet_ eyes that were the opposite of Eliza's..." He swallows. "I hated that you just moved in, with all your stuff, just...wiping the slate clean of everything that Eliza ever had in that flat."

Gilbert meets my eyes. "And I'm sorry, for that. I was a douche about that."

"It's alright."

He nods, sighing.

"Have you spoken to her since?" I ask.

Gilbert shakes his head. "No. She gave me her phone number but when I called her a few days after she left, a guy answered."

I stare at him.

"I asked who he was, and he told me he was her boyfriend." He looks at me. "She had been gone for two days, Roderich. Forty eight hours later and she had a boyfriend." Gilbert shakes his head. "She never once let _me_ be her boyfriend," he says in a small voice.

I feel the urge to wrap my arms around him at that moment, to comfort him. To tell him that he'll fall in love with someone new, and that he'll be happy. I want him to be happy. I want to watch him smile with his dimple and his freckles, and watch his eyes squint up when he laughs really hard. I want to take his hand and tell him that Elizabeta just wasn't the one, and that someone else out there is. 

But I sit still, just watching him.

"I am sorry that happened," I say finally.

He nods again. "I am too."

I swallow. "Do you...do you still love her?"

Gilbert looks at me. "No." He licks his lips. "I don't believe in love nowadays."

I blink. "That's not very optimistic."

"I'm not an optimist."

"Still."

"Roderich, this isn't a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, there are no prince charming's, there are no princesses, and there is certainly no _love_." His tone is venomous.

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

He looks at me. "You can't honestly tell me you _believe_ in that shit, do you?"

"I do."

"Roderich, you've been sexually harassed once and physically abused twice. How could you possibly think that love exists?"

I flinch at his words. "Because I have been through that, it does not mean I will never fall in love with someone. Someone who will not do any of that to me." I swallow. "And I think if someone right came along, you could call in love again."

Gilbert scoffs. "That's a load."

"No, it's not. You shouldn't let one girl ruin your outlook on love."

"She wasn't just a girl," Gilbert says. "She was Elizabeta."

I suddenly find myself wondering...what would it be like if...I was loved by a male. What would it be like to be loved by...Gilbert. Would he do anything for me? Would he kiss away the pain that still lingers from my past with Leigh and Anneliese? Would he hold my hand whenever I was feeling down, and hold me close to him when I couldn't sleep? Would he take every opportunity to make me smile?

No. He wouldn't do any of that. Because he's Gilbert, and he does not believe in happy ending, prince charming's, princesses, and certainly not _love_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Roderich is asking himself what it would be like to be loved by Gilbert, he's wondering if it would be the same as his past relationship but better. I know I make Roderich sound a little feminine but he is a feminine character (in hetalia). He wears a corset and Hungary carries him, so please calm down. Also, I am not making Eliza a bad character. I promise. She's my favourite hetalia character so don't assume I hate her because I love pruaus.  
> Most people laugh because they think physical abuse and sexual harassment can't happen to a guy, that they have to 'enjoy' it. Please don't laugh at that. It happens a lot and people don't care and it's sad. Feminism means equality for everyone, remember that.


	51. Chapter Fifty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: beginning is too cute okay.

The air begins to cool and I shiver. Gilbert hasn't spoken for a while. He looks deep in thought, his brow furrowed.

It's hard for me to imagine Gilbert chasing after a girl like Elizabeta. She seems like a girl who is too caught up in her own life to stop and fall in love, much like Gilbert.

At the same time, anger and a bit of envy bubbles inside me. How could Elizabeta be so cold towards Gilbert, leaving him in the dust while she goes on to Hungary? Didn’t she know that she had all his love? Why didn’t she stay for him, and give him the love he deserved?

 _He deserves love,_ I think to myself as I watch him.  _He deserves it more than anyone_ ,  _even if he doesn’t believe in it._

“Gilbert,” I say, breaking the silence.

He looks up. “Hmm.”

“I think we should go. It looks like it’s going to rain.”

He nods and rises, stretching his limbs as he reaches his full height. I stand next to him, still wary of the fifteen stories below the glass.

“Do you need to hold my hand again?” Gilbert asks teasingly.

“No,” I retort. The air has changed between us, I can feel it. It’s from revealing our secrets, I know it. I feel just a bit more comfortable around Gilbert knowing that he knows my dark past, and accepts it.

Gilbert smirks at me and we begin walking off the glass. I look at my feet, swallowing at the vast height we are above the lobby.

A split second later, Gilbert shoves me slightly, saying, “Watch your step!” in my ear.

I involuntarily grab onto his arm as he laughs. I loop my arm tightly around his, almost leaning on him as he continues to laugh at me.

I shove him away once we’re off the glass.

“Douche,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Aw, Roddy, are you afraid of heights?”

“No,” I snap. “I just don’t appreciate it when German assholes tell me to watch my step when we’re fifteen stories above the  _ground_.”

Gilbert laughs again. “German assholes,” he repeats. “That’s a new one.”

“Yes, I have many new ones saved from the time I haven’t seen you,” I tell him as we wait for the elevator.

“Hmm, can’t wait to hear them.” Gilbert’s eyes smile along with his lips.

We take the elevator down to the lobby and walk out to Gilbert’s car. I slide into the passenger seat and sigh. I catch my reflection in one of the side mirrors.

My hair is slightly messy from the shower I took earlier and the wind afterwards, and my cheeks are flushed from the cold. My eyes are bright and lively, although I can’t figure out why. I think it might be Gilbert’s influence, but I am not quite sure.

“See, that wasn't so bad,” Gilbert says, smirking. “You made it out alive.”

I roll my eyes. “I am never walking out onto the window again.”

“You believe that, Roddy.”

“Oh I will.”

We smirk at each other.

Gilbert turns on the radio again, and I suddenly feel overcome with sleepiness, no doubt from my earlier flight. I rest my head back against the seat and my eyes flutter shut.

I hear Gilbert hum quietly along with the song on the radio. I listen carefully to the way his deep voice hits each note, almost like honey.

My thoughts drift to Elizabeta. I wonder what she’s doing now. Does she even think about Gilbert, when he must think of her all the time?

All signs point to no.

I fall asleep shortly to the sound of Gilbert humming and rain starting to fall outside the car as we drive along.

It seems like only seconds later when I hear Gilbert’s rough voice in my ear, my name falling from his lips.

“Roderich,” he says again and I open my eyes.

The first thing I see when my eyes open is black.

I panic for a moment, then realise I'm looking at Gilbert's shirt, and that he's carrying me, my head leaning against his chest.

My first and only thought is, _what the hell is happening_.

I take in the feeling of him holding me so effortlessly, and the incredible scent emanating from him. I've never been this close to him before-well, not since the night he kissed me-and he seems to invade my senses as my thoughts go wild.

"What," I finally say groggily.

"I need your keys," he says. "You fell asleep in my car."

Still not fully awake, I fumble for my keys in my pocket and carelessly hand them to him, nuzzling my head back into the crook of his neck and closing my eyes again. I feel him chuckle as I hear the door unlock and then shut behind him.

Keys clatter onto the kitchen counter as Gilbert's light footsteps echo through the apartment. Rain falls heavily outside, adding to my drowsiness.

Moments later I feel Gilbert set me down lightly on what must be my bed. I sigh in my sleepy state and keep my eyes closed.

"Do you want me to take your shoes off?" I hear Gilbert ask.

Entirely too exhausted to reply verbally, I nod to the best of my ability and Gilbert chuckles. I feel his hands close around my right foot as he unties the laces on my Reef Outhaul's, slipping each shoe off.

At this point, I'm almost completely unconscious again, barely noticing what happens after that.

I vaguely remember Gilbert pulling my comforter over my body and taking my glasses off gently before leaving my flat.

The next morning, I wake up still in my clothes from last night. I rub sleep out of my eyes and check the time. It is seven on Monday- time to get ready for work.

As I slide out of bed, I notice a piece of paper sitting next to my clock on my dresser.

Intrigued, I unfold it.

 

_Roddy-_

_You fell asleep in my car last night. Don't let it happen again._

 

_-Gilbert_

 

It was at that moment, as I read and reread the simple note ten times over, a silly grin spreading across my face, that I realised I have fallen for Gilbert.

There is no doubt about it.

I have fallen for a male.

 

"Welcome back, Roderich," Mr. Jones greets me as I walk into the office a few hours later.

"Thank you," I smile, stopping to talk to him.

"How was Vienna?"

"Brutally cold."

Mr. Jones chuckles. "Any snow up there yet?"

"Not quite, usually we get the first snow mid to late November."

"I see. Well, it's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back."

I set my things down on my desk, placing my items where they should go.

"Morning, Roderich."

I look up and smile at Ludwig. "Good morning."

"How was the trip?"

"Alright. How was your art convention?"

"It was great, actually. I won a small award for one of my pieces, actually."

"That is amazing."

"It is, isn't it?" He grins and leans forward slightly. "Oh, and I ended up buying Feli an 'I Love Vienna' mug for his coffee." He nods towards Feliciano's direction and I turn in my seat to see that he is indeed sipping from an 'I Love Vienna' mug, a small smile on his lips.

"Good choice," I tell Ludwig. "The home soda maker was a bit of a flight risk."

He grins. "I thought so too."

I begin my work for the day, wondering where Gilbert is. He hasn't shown up yet, and it is almost nine. He is never this late.

I had barely finished thinking this when Gilbert slides into his desk, running a hand through his hair.

Like a shark, Mr. Jones steps out of his office and over to our desk cluster. "Beilschmidt, late again," he sighs.

"There was actually traffic this time," Gilbert says, glaring up at Mr. Jones from his desk.

"How many times have you used that excuse, Beilschmidt?"

"I'm not _lying_ this time."

"This is the fifth time you've come in late this quarter. You have five strikes, Beilschmidt."

Gilbert furrows his brow. "Mr. Jones, I know you're from America and I'm not, but I don't believe that's how baseball works."

I can't help it. I cough escapes my lips and both of their gazes flash to me.

"Something wrong, Mr. Edelstein?" Mr. Jones asks.

I flush. "No, I just coughed. Sorry."

Mr. Jones nods before turning back to Gilbert. "Shape up," he snaps at him before walking away, back to his office.

Gilbert smirks at me.

"Be quiet," I say to him before he can talk.

He laughs, picking up his rubber band ball and beginning to toss it in the air. "Looks like Roddy the goody-goody almost got in trouble back there."

"I am not a ' _goody-goody_.'" I scoff.

"Alright." Gilbert snorts, rolling his eyes.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Do your work."

"Want to come over here and make me?"

He raises his eyebrows, his smirk never faltering.

"No," I answer. "You're immature."

Gilbert laughs. "Immature. eh? Roddy, you're feisty this morning." He tosses the rubber band ball in the air again. "Guess you're trying to prove to me you're not a goody-goody." He raises his eyebrows humorously.

"I do not have to _prove_ anything," I retort.

"Alright, Roddy."

I roll my eyes at him and look back down at my work. With Gilbert sitting five feet from me, it's going to be hard for me to focus, with his teasing smirks and devilish grins. Of only he could do his work, I would be able to do mine.

I almost laugh out loud at the thought of Gilbert actually doing his work.

Incredibly, I manage to get a quarter way through my manuscript by lunch hour, when my red pen runs out of ink. I scribble over post-it notes, trying to get it to work again.

"Having trouble?"

Gilbert stands above my desk, smirking, as always.

"My favourite pen is dying," I say, continuing to attempt to revive it.

"Little Master, it's time for lunch-"

"My favourite pen is dying," I repeat, looking up at him.

"Roderich-"

"My favourite pen is dying."

"For fuck's sake it's a _pen_. Here, have mine." He reaches for a pen from his desk, dropping it onto mine.

I take his pen in my hand, clicking it open. I scribble over the post-it note.

"Oh," I say. "This is a nice pen."

"I know. It's my favourite."

"Well, if it is your favourite, I can't take it." I hold the pen back out to him.

"No, it's yours. I know where to buy another one, anyway."

"But it is your favour-"

"Take the pen, Little Master, before I have to tape it to you." He smirks again.

"Thank you," I say, rising from my desk.

"It's just a pen."

"I like pens," I say as we walk to the break room.

"I can tell." Gilbert rolls his eyes and I shove him lightly.

"Ouch," he says humorously as we sit at a table with Ludwig, Feliciano, Lovino and Laura.

"Are you going to cry?" I ask Gilbert, widening my eyes in humour.

"I think I am," Gilbert says dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. I laugh.

The other four stare at us as we banter back and forth. Ludwig accidentally spills his Coke on himself, and we all burst into laughter.

"Have an accident there?" Gilbert asks and Ludwig flips him the bird.

Lunch passes quickly, and soon Gilbert and I are walking back to our desks. Suddenly, Gilbert grabs my arm and pulls me against the wall of the break room, his face serious.

"Gilbert, what-"

"Shh," he slushes, peeking around the corner at the reception area.

Unable to see anything happening, I comply, thoroughly confused.

Voices carry from the reception area.

"Can you tell me where Roderich Edelstein is, please? He doesn't seem to be at his workspace."

I freeze.

" _Natalia_?" I mouth to Gilbert.

He nods and looks back around the corner. My pulse quickens.

"I'm sorry, I'm unaware of his whereabouts. Can I-" Irunya starts.

"We need to see him, now." A different voice.

"I'm sorry, but-"

"It's lunch hour, isn't it? Is he in the break room?" The same voice ask.

"I don't know, but-"

"Check the break room," the voice says, most likely to Natalia.

I freeze. If they come to the break room, they'll definitely find Gilbert and I.

Gilbert pulls his phone from his pocket and rapidly sends someone a text. I remain frozen.

He locks his phone and looks at me. "When I say so, we're going to sneak out the front," he whispers.

"What? They'll see-"

"Just trust me, alright?"

I look into his eyes and nod.

Just then, I hear another voice.

"Natalia, Ivan, what are you doing here?" Ludwig asks.

 _Ivan_.

Ivan is the second voice, the one I didn't recognise. Fear shoots through me.

"Beilschmidt, where's Roderich Edelstein?" Natalia's voice snaps. _Natalia knows Ludwig_?

"Roderich Edelstein? I think he went upstairs to talk to Kirkland."

"Kirkland? Of course. Natalia, let's go." Ivan's cold voice sends shivers down my spine.

I hear rustling and suddenly Gilbert grabs my hand, pulling me from behind the wall and out the door.

He nods to Ludwig and continues to tug me until we're a few stories down, in the stairwell. The lift was "too slow and too dangerous," in his words.

Gilbert leans back against the wall, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay," I say. "I think you have some explaining to do."

Before Gilbert can open his mouth, footsteps are heard in the stairwell and I whirl around.

"There you are, Roddy," Natalia says, her eyes flashing dangerously. "My brother and I have been looking for you _everywhere_."

I widen my eyes.

 _Brother_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls tell me people are still reading this.


	52. Chapter Fifty One

"B-brother?" I manage to stammer, staring at Natalia in disbelief.

Gilbert steps in front of me, his posture rigid. "What do you want?" He snaps at Natalia.

"We need to speak to Roderich. That's all." A wicked grin spreads across Natalia's face. It's hard for me to believe this is the same girl that I asked out for dinner five months ago- the smart, nice medical intern.

"What do you want to speak to him about?"

"I believe you know exactly what we want to speak to him about."

My heart drops to my feet.

I step around Gilbert so I can see his face. "You knew," I breathe in realisation. "You knew Natalia was-was-"

"Roderich, I'm counting to three," Natalia says, cutting me off before Gilbert can respond. "You'd better come with me."

"And if I don't?"

Natalia laughs darkly.

"He's not going anywhere."

At the top of the stairs stands Ludwig.

Natalia turns around, a smirk spreading across her face. "Oh, what do we have here?"

Someone else steps into the stairwell. I recognise the face and brown hair as Antonio's.

"A big, fat can of whup-ass," Antonio says, smirking.

Gilbert smirks as well, running his tongue over his teeth.

I feel confused, but I'm intrigued by the turn of events.

 _Does this mean Gilbert, Ludwig and Antonio are rebelling_?

Ludwig and Antonio walk down the stairs to stand by Gilbert and I. Antonio winks at me.

"Alright, boys," Natalia says. "If this is how shit's going to go, so be it. I think you're forgetting the power of Russia Enterprises, and Ivan."

"We're the ones dealing with the money that goes to Ivan, and without us Russia Enterprises isn't shit," Gilbert spits.

"You're wrong," Natalia sneers.

"No, he's not," Ludwig says. "He's completely right."

"What I'm wondering here is how a little fuck like you managed to date _Roderich_ ," Antonio says.

Ludwig, Gilbert and Antonio chuckle lightly as Natalia locks her jaw.

"I am wondering the same thing," I say and Gilbert catches my eyes. I feel like I'm melting under his heavy, approving gaze.

Natalia takes a step forward and grips my wrist, yanking me towards her. I try to pull away, but she's too strong.

Gilbert moves instantly, but Ludwig grabs his arm.

"Stop," I say to Natalia. "I do not know what you want from me, but you are sure as hell not going to get it," I say, my eyes flashing with disgust at her.

"Wrong again, Roddy," Natalia says, beginning to tug me back up the stairs.

Adrenaline rushes through me as I reach up and slap her across the face, hard. Perhaps not harder than what she did to me the night he ended, but it feels damn good.

I yank my arm away from her and step back next to Gilbert.

I feel Gilbert's warm hand press to my lower back almost protectively and my pulse quickens.

Natalia clutches her cheek in pain, her gaze venomous.

Antonio and Ludwig, meanwhile, are staring at Natalia with humour in their eyes.

"Good hit," Gilbert says in my ear. I can tell he's smirking.

Natalia straightens her posture. "This isn't over," she snaps. "You'll get what you deserve. All of you."

She turns on her heel and climbs the stairs, her footsteps echoing.

"Roderich, you're my hero," Antonio says. "Her face when you hit her, Jesus-"

"She thought she could get away with hitting all of us," Ludwig says.

I sigh.

"This is bad," Gilbert says, beginning to pace.

"We can't talk about this here," Ludwig says.

"We'll go to my flat." Gilbert says.

Everyone agrees and we climb down to the lobby, going to our respective vehicles.

The ride come is agonisingly slow as my mind runs wild.

If Ivan is Natalia's brother, did Gilbert and Natalia know each other all this time? Has Gilbert known the entire time that I was in fact dating the sister of the man that was after me? Why didn't Gilbert tell me?

My hands grip the steering wheel as I park my car in the lot of the flat buildings.

I knock on Gilbert's door and he answers, nodding for me to come in.

Inside, Ludwig sits on the couch, a serious expressions on his face. Francis leans against the wall next to the window and Antonio sits in an armchair.

_What's going on?_

"Alright, we're all here now," Gilbert says as I take a seat next to Ludwig on the couch.

"This is serious," Ludwig says, shaking his head.

"Do you think Natalia told Ivan what happened?" Franics asks.

"Of course she did. She's a little fucking snitch, that's what she is," Antonio snaps.

"Wait," I say. "You have all know Natalia...all this time?"

"She's Ivan's closest executive," Francis says.

I look at Gilbert. "Why did you not tell me?"

Gilbert looks down.

"That's not important now," he says. "What's important is that Natalia knows that we're planning on going against Ivan, and Ivan's not going to be happy about it."

"Natalia only knows that Gilbert, Ludwig and Antonio are going against him," I point out. "She does not know about Francis."

"This is true," Antonio says. "If we can keep it a secret that Francis is with us, this could work."

"I think we need to establish some things here," Gilbert says. "This is an alliance now, we've got to stick together." He begins to pace, like I've come to know he does when he's thinking. "If this is going to work, we have to be on the lookout at all times, because we know how Ivan works. He puts people everywhere, on the lookout for _anything_ out of the ordinary."

"I agree," Antonio says. "Without us managing his funds, he's nothing. It doesn't matter what happens."

"I think we need to prevent Natalia from talking," Francis says. "If we stay on Ivan's good side for a bit longer, we can wait for a good opportunity to strike."

"That's true, but Natalia is probably already talking," Ludwig says.

"No," Gilbert says. "She's going to wait for the perfect time. That's how she does things, the bastard."

"Gilbert's right," I speak up. "She is not going to just tell Ivan, because that would be too easy."

"Alright, so one of us has to prevent Natalia from snitching, then what?" Antonio asks.

It is silent for a few moments as everyone thinks hard.

"I have an idea," I blurt. Everyone looks to me. "What if we spoke to one of the companies being conned by Russia Enterprises? We could get them to be sceptical of Ivan, which would perhaps cause him to throw a party..."

"That's it," Ludwig says. "If we get one company to see through him, it could act as a chain reaction."

"It would have to be one of his biggest clients," Francis says.

Gilbert nods. "Kirkland."

I stifle a gasp. " _Kirkland_ is one of Ivan's clients?"

They all nod. "That is pretty much how Gilbert and I got jobs a couple years back," Ludwig says.

I am completely shocked by this- Arthur Kirkland does not seem like a man that is easily deceived.

"It's getting late," Antonio says. "We'll talk soon."

"Definitely," Francis says as the three gather their things.

I stand by Gilbert as they file out of the flat, rain beginning to fall outside.

As soon as the door shuts, I turn to Gilbert.

"How could you not tell me?" I shout. "I was dating Ivan's _sister_ for fuck's sake!"

Gilbert avoids my gaze. "I..."

"I can't believe you," I say, shaking my head. "I had _just_ begun trusting you, and now..." I shake my head.

I turn on my heel and storm out of his flat.

"Roderich, wait-" Gilbert follows me on my heels.

I burst into my flat, Gilbert right behind me.

"Gilbert, I dated Natalia for _five_ months. All that time, she... you..." I run a hand through my hair.

Gilbert steps forward and grabs my wrists. I try to pull but he uses one hand to hold my arms and the other to turn my face to look into his eyes. He face is merely inches from mine, his breath hitting my skin.

"I'm sorry," he says, catching me completely off guard. "I...I didn't know who Natalia was from the moment you said her name, alright?" I didn't tell you because it would have required you knowing about Russia Enterprises early on, and after I told you about Russia Enterprises...I knew he would somehow find out I told you. She's sketchy, and she's sly. She weasels her way into everything."

I look down, a terrifying thought drawing on me.

"What's wrong?" Gilbert asks, noticing my change of mood.

"I just remembered," I say. "I gave Natalia a key to my flat when we were dating, she...she could get in..." Fear shoots through me. How could I have been so stupid? I did not even love her, yet I have her easy access to my flat.

"Shit, Roderich." Gilbert lets go of me and runs a hand through his hair.

My bottom lip trembles and I try not to cry. I am tired.

"Alright," Gilbert says finally. "Pack a bag."

"What?"

"You're staying with me for a few days until I can get the key back from her."

"What? No. I couldn't-"

"That wasn't a question. You're staying with me until I get the key, it's not safe for you here." He turns back around and meets my eyes.

"How will you get the key back from her?" I ask quietly.

"I don't know yet, but I will. Let me worry about that. Just pack a bag."

I sigh and nod. "Alright."

"Be over in ten minutes," Gilbert says, walking out my door.

I hastily throw clothes and other items into a bag, my nerves highly strung. This is all such a mess.

I notice the photo of Natalia and I on the dresser, a crack down the centre from the time my flat was ransacked.

Anger courses through me as I take the picture from its place and throw it in the trash can in the corner, the sound of breaking glass echoing through the place.

A few minutes later, I tentatively knock on Gilbert's door. I am worried and a little scared, and I don't know what to expect from Gilbert. How long am I even staying with him?

He answers the door, a small smile on his lips. "You can put your stuff in my room," he tells me and I nod.

I drop my bag in Gilbert's bedroom, taking this time to look around the room. His room- his whole flat, really- is impeccably neat and organised. The navy blue sheets are made cleanly on the bed. No clothes are strewn anywhere.

My eye catches on a single photograph on his dresser, next to the television and I take it into my hand. It's of a girl- long, light brown wavy hair, bright green eyes, and a mysteriously haunting smile.

Elizabeta.

Gilbert was right. She is beautiful. Her eyes seem to draw you in, the half smile on her face alluring.

"Roderich, are you-" Gilbert stops short when his eyes land on the photo in my hand.

"Apologies," I say, placing the photo back on the dresser.

Gilbert's jaw tenses. "You saw that, did you." His tone is not angry like I had anticipated- it just sounds sad.

I nod.

He sighs, walking over and picking up the picture, looking over it.

"She is beautiful," I say quietly as the two of us stare at the photo.

"She is," he agrees. I watch as his eyes move up and down the photograph, examining it over and over. "I remember the day I took this."

I find myself yet intrigued by Gilbert as his past.

"It was maybe a month before she left," he says quietly. "We went to the coast for the weekend, and she was half drunk on white wine, hell, we both were... I just snapped the picture. The only picture I ever got of her."

"You really loved her, didn't you?"

Gilbert meets my gaze. "I've come to realise that I didn't really love her," he says, his brow furrowing. "I was more infatuated with her." He laughs a bit, without humour. "I mean, I've spent years of my life convinced I loved this girl, when really... I loved the _idea_ of her. I loved the idea of... being loved." He looks back at the picture. "Except, she didn't love me."

The next thing he does completely and utterly shocks me.

He opens the back of the picture frame, sliding the photo out of the glass. I watch as he turns around, pushing open the window.

Rain pours outside harshly, and wind blows into the room.

I walk over to him, confused.

"I've held onto her for too long," he says. He holds the photo outside into the rain, and lets go.

At that moment, I see a change in Gilbert. It is almost as if a heavy ton has been lifted from him, setting him free. His eyes dilate, the red pigment becoming just a bit lighter, and the smile that spreads across his face is just a bit wider than before.

Watching Gilbert let go is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

He shuts the window, still smiling.

"That felt good," he breathes.

I smile. "That was big of you, Gilbert."

His eyes move to me, and something else replaces the joy in his eyes.

The smile slowly falls from his face as his eyes ignite with lust, and the next thing I know, his lips are on mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: THIS WAS MEANT TO SHOW EQUALITY AS IN DON'T FUCKING HIT ANYONE. NO ONE GETS AWAY WITH HITTING ANYONE. IF A GIRL HITS A GUY FIRST, THE GUY HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT BACK. (Depending on the circumstances, really) BUT DON'T ABUSE ANYONE PLEASE.
> 
> Also I cried omg pls comment if you want me to update v soon.


	53. Chapter Fifty Two

My first response to Gilbert's kiss is to pull away.  
But so many thoughts flood my mind—the way he looked at me, how he's letting me stay here, how I even admitted to myself that I have fallen for him.  
And I remember I'm not dating Natalia anymore—hell, Natalia is the reason I'm here, instead of across the hall.  
So I let go of Regular Roderich, who is bitching at me in my mind, and I wrap my arms around Gilbert's neck.  
And I let myself go, much like Gilbert let Elizabeta go moments before.  
  
  
I let him lift me, and set me gently on my back on his bed as he peppers soft kisses down my neck. I let myself twirl my fingers in his soft hair, running my fingertips through the delicate silver. I let myself giggle when he nips at my earlobe, and he laughs too. I let myself shiver when he bites down gently on the skin of my neck. I let myself flutter my eyes shut when his lips find mine again, his tongue slipping delicately into my mouth. I let my heart beat rapidly, overwhelmed by Gilbert and his intoxicating kiss.  
Regular Roderich is dead and gone.  
When we finally pull away, Gilbert's blazing eyes still bore into me as he rests his forehead against mine. I shut my eyes, breathing him in.  
"I don't know why I did that," he finally says, his voice huskier than normal.  
I open my eyes again, looking up at him. "I don't mind."  
He smiles a bit. "I came in here to tell you I was done with dinner, actually."  
This causes me to laugh, which makes him laugh, too. He pushes himself off of me, offering me his hand to help me up off the bed.  
I can't help but compare this kiss to our first, outside the casino-like place where he took me to play poker with his friends. I had pushed him away then, with thoughts of Natalia in my mind. After that, he had distanced himself from me, and probably hate me more—but now, he's smiling at me like we've been friends for years.  
I wonder if he'll speak of this kiss again, like he never did with the other one.  
I follow Gilbert into the living room where he hands me a plate of food—chicken, to be exact.  
We sit on the couch, our thighs almost touching, as Gilbert flips through the channels on the TV.  
Yet again, the air has changed between us. Maybe there was sexual tension about beforehand, and the kiss we shared cleared up some of that.  
"All the shows on are shitty," Gilbert criticises.  
"Just pick one," I groan.  
"Fine. Next channel, I will."  
He flips the channel again and it lands on a rerun of the Office.  
"Oh my God." He says.  
"What?" I ask, a little confused yet awkward.  
"Let me guess," Gilbert says. "You've never watched The Office."  
"I haven't," I say, embarrassed. "I don't watch television."  
"Well then good thing this is your first show, it's great."  
Harry seems to not tease me and it feel odd in wonderful ways.  
"This one's a rerun, I've seen it before, so I don't mind explaining," he says and smirks.  
"Fantastic," I say, not knowing what to expect.  
"Agreed."  
 We finish eating and just sit and watch the show, laughing and he comments every so often.  
I look over at Gilbert, the light of the TV reflecting in his eyes. His lips are upturned in a small smirk as he watches the show, his dimples only slightly showing.  
I want to kiss him again.  
Just as I'm thinking this, he turns his head and looks down at me, our eyes locking. He swallows, blinking lazily as I smile up at him, and he smiles back.  
This is the same man that I told myself I hated for so much time, the man who taunted and insulted me at every chance he got. The man that greeted me by telling me to keep the noise level down, when I'm sure our other neighbours would have liked to tell us the same thing, with all our constant arguing and shouting at each other.  
"Roderich."  
 Gilbert's rough voice snaps me out of my train of thought.  
"Hmm?"  
 "I never noticed what lovely eyes you have." His own brilliant crimson eyes search mine, a small smile on his lips.  
"They're not lovely," I scoff, sitting up slightly. "They're the colour of cheap wine."  
Gilbert laughs. "No, I believe cheap wine is a bit darker."  
"That depends on the type of cheap wine." Gilbert smirks.  
"Well, no matter what type it is, your eyes are the most beautiful colour of cheap wine violet I've ever seen."  
I laugh. "I'm flattered."  
I turn my attention back to the show after that, sighing and leaning on Gilbert's shoulder. We watch the characters on the screen, and I laugh constantly.  
Gilbert always looks down at me when I do, laughing, too. It's like my laugh triggers his, and vice versa.  
After a while, my eyelids get heavy, and I find myself falling asleep on Gilbert for the third time now. I desperately try to keep my eyes open, but the events of the day are catching up to me, and I fail.  
Gilbert notices my battle with consciousness. "Hey," he says softly. "Do you want me to go get you some blankets, now?"  
I shake my head, not moving off of him. "No," I say, not wanting him to leave.  
"Roderich, you're falling asleep." He begins to shift underneath me, but I grab onto his shirt.  
"No," I say again.  
I'm enjoying this too much—being so close to him. And there goes the sureness of my sexuality.  
"Roderich Edelstein," he says, his tone mock-authoritative. "You get to bed this instant."  
He sounds so much like my mother used to that I laugh, and he takes this opportunity to slip from under me, a triumphant grin on his face.  
"That was not fair," I pout.  
"I'll get you the blankets," he singsongs, disappearing down the hall.  
During this time, I sleepily change into my pyjamas in the bathroom, brushing my teeth as well.  
When I emerge, blankets are set up neatly on the couch. I notice one of Gilbert's pillows there, too, and internally rejoice at the fact I'll be smelling the scent of spearmint and cologne all night.  
I slip into bed, turning out the lamp. Gilbert leans against the wall connecting the hallway to the living room.  
"Sleep well, Roddy," he says.  
  
 "You too."  
 He smiles at me again before disappearing into his room.  
  
\--  
  
"There you are, Roddy."  
Natalia steps toward me evilly, her eyes flashing. She grabs my wrist like before, his grip even tighter.  
"You're hurting me," I say, struggling to slip from her grasp.  
There's a crowd of people behind her, and I'm backed against the wall We're in a ballroom of some sort, and some special event is happening. Everyone is dressed nicely in cocktail attire, sparkling gems around the women's necks and expensive cuff links on the men. All the people passing by have no faces, they just trudge by like clones of some sort. I yell out for someone to help me, anyone, but the faceless beings walk by without acknowledging me.  
"Help!" I cry again, but Natalia clamps her hand over my mouth.  
Behind her, I suddenly see deep copper eyes, and Gilbert appears in the crowd. He sees me, and I call for him, his eyes widening at Natalia in front of me.  
He begins to move toward me, but he's moving in slow motion, and Natalia's moving in fast motion.  
When I look back at Natalia, she's not Natalia anymore. Leigh leans down to suck harshly on my neck. "Shh, Roddy," she coos in my ear. "It's just me."  
I scream, calling Gilbert's name again and again. but the faceless people block him. He tries to push through them, urgency on his face, but it's no use. The crowd is too thick.  
"You're going to pay for what you know. Roderich."  
The face is no longer Leigh's.  
It's Ivan's.  
He stands before me, light violet eyes glinting in the light as his grip tightens and tightens, blue bruising popping up on my wrist.  
"I know what you know," he sneers. "And you're going to pay. Both of you."  
"Both of who?" I ask, although I don't know why I'm talking at all.  
"You and Gilbert," he says. "I know what he's told you, and I'm not happy."  
Fear slices through me as Ivan slides a silver pistol from inside his suit turning and aiming it at Gilbert, who doesn't seem to see the bullet fly from the barrel of the gun, straight towards him.  
"Gilbert!" I shout one last time.  
  
  
\--  
  
"Roderich? Roderich!"  
A light flicks on and I sit up in bed, my breathing ragged. I'm drenched in cold sweat, my hair plastered to my neck as my heart beats wildly in my chest.  
Gilbert sits on the couch at my feet, his hands finding mine as I try to calm myself. He wears a white t-shirt and dark grey sweatpants, his silver-white hair slightly messy from sleep.  
Nightmare. It was only a nightmare, it wasn't reaL  
"Roderich," he breathes as I wrap my arms around his neck, still fighting to get visions of the dream from my sight. He pulls me to him, holding me tight as my breathing stabilises.  
 "You scared me," he says in my ear. "You kept shouting my name, I thought someone had broken in or something."  
"I..." I pull away, wiping the sheen of sweat from my forehead. "You were...I was...Natalia..."  
"Natalia? Natalia what?"  
I proceed in telling Gilbert my dream—the faceless people, the person in front of me morphing into three people I fear most, the way he couldn't get to me in time.  
When I finish I'm fighting back tears.  
"Roderich," Gilbert says again, pulling me back into an embrace. "Roderich, Roderich."  
"It felt so...so real," I say, my voice cracking at the end.  
His soft hands rub circles on my back until my breathing is normal. I pull away from him, looking over at the clock on the DVR.  
"It's three in the morning," I groan.  
"Come on." Gilbert stands up.  
I look at him confusedly.  
"Lay with me tonight," he clarifies.  
 I shake my head. "I'll be fine," I say shakily.  
 Gilbert rolls his eyes.  
A second later, I'm hoisted off the couch, thrown over Gilbert's shoulder as he carries me to his room. I squeal as the blood rushes to my head, my head only a few feet above the ground.  
He sets me down in his bed, then walks around to the opposite side and slides in with me.  
Our legs tangle together and he pulls me to him, my face burrowing into his neck.  
"You're safe with me," he says softly, his fingers gently combing through my hair.  
"I know I am."  
And I do. I feel safer with Gilbert than I ever have with anyone else. He holds me so securely, so comfortingly that I find myself thinking about Elizabeta.  
The girl that gave him up.  
And as I fall asleep in Gilbert's arms, I'm drowned with envy of the girl that received Gilbert's love, and sadness of the fact that I will never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated after a long while ;-; is anyone still reading?


	54. Chapter Fifty Three

The next few days fall into a routine.

I stay at Gilbert's for three nights, until he says he is able to get my key from Natalia today, Friday. I've told him again and again that I can go get it from him myself, but he always gives me a look I can't quite decipher and says very sternly, " _no_ ,"

Gilbert has also been driving me to and from work as well, and again, I've told him I can drive myself, but he always smirks and says, "Roddy, don't you care for the environment?"

And of course, Gilbert always has the last word.

Every night, we come home at around five, Gilbert constantly complaining about rush hour traffic and me rolling my eyes at him. He cooks dinner, something different every night, and whenever I offer to help him cook, he blinks at me and says, "Little Master, get the fuck out of my kitchen."

So I do, not knowing whether to smirk or frown at his vulgar language.

We always have animated conversations over dinner- most of the time, we argue. It's not harsh arguing, though- more like civilised arguing. It always ends with one of us laughing too hard, and more often than not, that one is me.

We watch the Office every single night after we eat- he mostly talks to me about how he's glad that he could tell me about his favourite show. In these past few days, I don't think I've ever seen Gilbert smile so often and so big.

And at the end of each night, Gilbert bids me goodnight as I settle into my couch-bed, but I always stay awake for hours before sneaking into Gilbert's room and sliding into bed next to him. He never asks me what I'm doing, or if I had another bad dream, he just wraps his arms around me and sighs sleepily, tangling his legs with mine.

We haven't kissed since the first night, though, but I always catch him staring at my lips when I speak.

It almost seems to me like these past days have been a vacation, a different life. I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like a completely different person and I contemplate whether it scares me or not only to find that it does scare me more than anything.

I sit on Gilbert's couch now, reading a book as I wait for him to get off a phone call with Antonio. He told me he's going to get my key tonight, but it is past eighteen hundred and I'm considering just going on my own.

He finally emerges from his room, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, I'm going to go," he says, pocketing his phone and grabbing his keys off the coffee table.

"Explain to me why I cannot go with you again?"

"Because Natalia is a son of a bitch and I don't want you near her," Gilbert says easily. He wears a blue plaid shirt and his usual jeans, his cheeks flushed in a healthy pink.

"Gilbert, what if she hurts you?"

Gilbert raises an eyebrow. "I'll hurt her back, twice as hard." He smirks.

I sigh. "Can't I just go?"

"No. Now go back to reading that book that showed up in my mailbox again."

I roll my eyes. "Let it go, will you!"

He smirks again before opening the door, turning back to me. "I'll be back in an hour, don't do anything stupid."

"I should say the same to you."

"Me, stupid?" He scoffs.

"Just go," I say smiling as I wave him off.

He smiles again before shutting the door behind him.

I consider following Gilbert just to make sure he'll be okay, but I have a feeling he would have my head if I pursued him again.

Then, I consider following him just to piss him off but decide against it.

My phone suddenly lights up on the coffee table, and I bring it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Roderich. Are you busy?" Ludwig asks.

"No, not at all. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. Has my brother left yet?"

"Yes, he just left. Did you need him?"

"No, I'm going to meet him now, just to make sure Natalia doesn't do anything drastic about things."

"Ludwig," I say.

"Yes?"

"Do you know anything about Elizabeta Héderváry?" I do not know why I am asking at all, but the subject of Elizabeta has barely left my mind since Gilbert told me about her.

"Elizabeta Héderváry?"

"Yes."

"Well, she a close friend of Feliciano."

"Is that all?"

"I think she had a thing with Gilbert a few years back, but she's a known feminist. I've heard she's scary, independent and stuff. Feliciano sometimes mentions her riots in different countries and how she's been to jail on many occasions.

_Scary? Riots? Jail?_

She sounds nothing like the Elizabeta Gilbert spoke about.

"Oh," is all I can say.

I had pictured Elizabeta as this divine figure, someone so worthy of Gilbert's affection, but now I see her in a completely different way. In a sickening way, it makes me feel at ease.

"Thank you, Ludwig," I say.

"No problem. I'll talk to you later, Roderich , I'm almost there."

"All right, Ludwig."

I hang up and pull up the internet on my phone, typing in 'Elizabeta Héderváry.'

Sure enough, there she is, smiling at the camera in some pictures the same sultry, seductive smile that was grinning in Gilbert's photo.

I think about how hard this must have been for Gilbert, seeing Elizabeta rise to her own path without him, forgetting about him. My affection deepens for him at that moment.

An hour passes and I occupy myself with reading a book, occasionally flipping through the pages. I'm eager for Gilbert to get back, and to ask him how everything went with Natalia.

I decide to cook dinner, even if I'm staying back at my flat tonight. I peruse Gilbert's pantry finding a box of mac and cheese.

Rolling my eyes at myself, I put a pot of water on the stove, cooking the pasta.

I can already see Gilbert's taunting smirk.

It is past eight when the door finally opens, and Gilbert enters.

I look up from the book, gasping at his appearance.

His right eye is circled with a bruised blue colour. His lip is split, a trickle of crimson blood running from it. An open cut is sliced just below his left eye, still bleeding. His eyes, his beautiful crimson eyes, seem almost grey.

"What-what the hell happened?" I manage to ask.

"It was a setup," he says. His voice sounds broken. "Natalia brought three men with her, and I only had Ludwig."

"Ludwig's fine, he's a big guy. He has a couple bruises, but we're both fine. So much for being the big brother." He reaches into his pocket and retrieves my key, tossing it to me. "Got your keys, though."

I furrow my brow, standing and walking over to him, assessing the damage to his face.

"Gilbert, this looks bad," I say, touching the bruising around his eye lightly. He winces and I draw back, my eyebrows knit together.

"I'm fine," he says, trying to walk past me but I stop him.

"No, you're not. How many times did they hit you?"

"I don't know, I-"

"How many?"

He looks down. "I lost count."

I cluck my tongue, shaking my head. "Let me clean you up."

"No, I'm _fine_ -" 

"Gilbert, will you listen to me for once? We're talking about your physical health, here."

He sighs in defeat and I sit him down on the couch, venturing into the bathroom to find first aid supplies.

It scares me that Natalia anticipated Gilbert so well that she brought enough backup to stop Ludwig. I wonder if she took Gilbert on herself. Maybe she's more cunning than we suspected.

I emerge from the bathroom with bandages, Neosporin and a cloth.

I sit by Gilbert, still in shock from his wounds.

I dab Neosporin onto the cut on his face, recoiling when Gilbert furrows his brow in pain. My heart aches.

"I'm sorry," I breathe and he shakes his head.

"It's fine."

I finish putting Neosporin on the cut and move to clean his lip.

His pale, pink, bloody bottom lip is split straight down the middle. Visions of those lips on my own invade my mind, but I push them away, focusing on cleaning up the blood.

"Do you have band-aids?" I ask him?

Gilbert scoffs. "No, I don't _need_ band-aids."

I roll my eyes and reach into my messenger bag that is located on the bedside table, pulling out a band-aid. "Luckily, I carry then around in my bag," I say smiling, earning a weak grin from Gilbert.

"You would."

"Hush." I unwrap the band-aid, carefully sticking it over his cut.

"There," I say, unable to fight the silly smile on my face.

"What's so funny?"

"N-nothing." I clean up the trash around me, trying to contain my laughter.

"Little master, I swear to-"

He stops when he sees his reflection in the bathroom mirror. I double over in my laughter.

"The Smurfs? Are you fucking serious?"

I continue to laugh as he returns to the living area, the band-aid on his face dotted with blue little creatures.

"The Smurfs are nice, I assume," I say. "And they were on sale."

Gilbert sighs and sits beside me again, rolling his eyes playfully. "You're annoying."

"Not as annoying as you." I nudge his leg with mine, and he smiles.

I can tell it hurts his lip to grin, but he does anyway.

"Gilbert, go to bed. You need sleep."

"No, I need you."

The words seem to spill out of him, and he looks away right after he says them, his cheeks turning pink.

I blush too, a smile making its way across my face.

I lean over and kiss his cheek, knowing it would only hurt to kiss his lips.

We stare at each other for a few moments after that, Gilbert's eyes slowly regaining their gorgeous crimson colour.

"I made mac and cheese," I finally say and Gilbert turns around to look at the kitchen, laughing loudly.

"Mac and cheese, eh?" He stands and walks over, looking into the pot of pasta.

"I make pretty decent mac and cheese, so you had better shut up and eat it before you judge me." I cross my arms over my chest playfully.

Gilbert smirks. "I wasn't judging."

"Yeah, right. I see that look. You think because you're German and attractive and a great cook that you're better than everyone else."

"Attractive, hmm?" Gilbert smirks, wide as ever.

I blush furiously. "I---I..."

Gilbert laughs and pours a plate of pasta for each of us. I am still flushed pink as I sit with him at the table.

We eat in relative silence for a few minutes until Gilbert speaks up. 

"I'm glad you didn't come with me."

"Why?"

"They were expecting you too. If you had, they would've..." He trails off, looking out the window.

I swallow. "Well, I did not."

He nods, looking down at his plate.

"Are you in pain?" I ask him?

"No," he lies.

I roll my eyes. "Honestly, cut the crap. Are you in pain?"

He shifts in his seat. "Minor pain."

I sigh. "This is all my fault," I mutter. "If I hadn't given her a key in the first place."

"Stop, Roderich. It isn't your fault Natalia is a bitch ass ass wipe, okay?" I detect humour in his eyes and fight a smile.

Gilbert smiles wider at my smile. "You think it's funny when I make fun of her, don't you?"

I don't answer.

"Alright, well let me tell you that she's a little slut that eats dick burritos and-"

"Gilbert!" I laugh. "That's enough!"

Gilbert laughs too, his eyes finally regain their vividness.

"I should go, I say, gathering the empty plates of mac and cheese from the table. "Thank you for letting me stay here, Gilbert. It was really kind of you."

Gilbert shrugs. "Are you sure you don't want to...stay another night?" He looks up at me sheepishly.

I grin. "I have my key."

"But...what if my band-aid comes off in the night..."

"You're a big boy, Gilbert. I am sure you can handle it." This is too much fun.

"But what if I _can't_ handle it?"

"Gilbert, are you asking me to stay another night?"

"I don't know, am I?"

"All right, I think I will just go home. I've missed my own bed, anyway-"

"Well, I could stay over there, if you miss your bed..."

I am laughing now, at his childish tone.

I sigh. "Okay, Gilbert. You can stay over, but only because your band-aid might fall off at night."

His eyes light up and he stands abruptly, a childish smile on his face.

I gather my things from his room and the living area, making sure to get my key. Gilbert follows me like an excited puppy over to my flat.

"It's fucking freezing in here," is the first thing that comes out of Gilbert's mouth and I race to the thermostat.

When I enter the bedroom to begin unpacking things, I find Gilbert studying the pictures on my dresser.

"Is that you? With Anneliese?" He asks me, pointing to the picture of my sister and I in our ball attire.

"Yes," I say.

"How old were you?"

"Well, since that was our first time at Budapest... we were sixteen."

Gilbert nods, still studying the photo. "You don't look any different."

"Anneliese does," I shrug and toss some clothes in the hamper.

When I'm finally done unpacking, I sit at my piano while Gilbert changes into his pyjamas back at his place.

So much has changed between us in so little time. I feel so strongly for this man that I previously hated to death. I can only wonder what he feels for me.

I'm about to get up off the piano, sleepily, by the time Gilbert reenters the flat.

"Here's your spare key," he says, hanging it up on the key holder.

"Keep it," I say groggily. "I trust you."

Gilbert smiles slightly and nods. I feel the bench slightly move as he sits next to me.

"What are we playing?" He asks me.

"Nothing. I am exhausted, you should be as well," I get up and enter the bedroom, laying down and burying myself under the blankets. I feel the bed dip down next to me as he slides in beside me, his scent engulfing me.

"Party pooper."

"Excuse me," I retort, flipping my pillow over to the cool side. "I've had to put up with you four days straight, I have the right to be exhausted."

Gilbert laughs and scoots closer to me, his face nuzzling into the crook of my neck.

"You smell like vanilla," he says onto my skin.

"Yes, that is what lotion does," I chuckle and he laughs along, his chuckles vibrating against my neck.

"Night, Roddy."

"Goodnight, Gilbert."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long update and also I will be updating a lot :0 no one commented in the last update so I am scared that no one is reading this anymore :/


	55. Chapter Fifty Four

I wake up in the middle of the night, confused at the absence of Gilbert's arms around me.

I sit up abruptly, my eyes adjusting to the dark. "Gilbert?" I call softly.

"Hmm."

I follow his voice, he leans against the window, staring out. Even in the dark room, I see his vibrant crimson eyes and the now purple ring surrounding one of them. I cock my head at him.

"What are you doing up?" I check the clock next to the bed. "It is three in the morning."

"Couldn't sleep."

I furrow my brow. "Why not?"

He looks down. "I, uh...I'm in a bit of pain."

I get out of bed, walking into the bathroom and shift through bottles of medicines. "God, Gilbert, why didn't you wake me?"

"I didn't want to disturb you. You looked so peaceful."

I return with ibuprofen and a new band-aid and find Gilbert sitting on the bed. I sit next to him.

His lip has scabbed over a bit and so has his cut when I remove the band-aid. His black eye, however, doesn't look any better.

"I hate seeing you so injured," I murmur as I replace the old Smurfs band-aid with a new one.

Something changes in his eyes as I move my hands from his face.

He wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace, his head resting on my shoulder.

I respond quickly, unsure of why he is hugging me so out of the blue, but I don't protest.

"Thank you," he breathes in my ear, his rough voice sounding like a melody to my ears.

He pulls away without a word and takes the pill I hand him, swallowing it without water.

"It sound start acting soon," I tell him.

"What's on the new band-aid?"

I squint at it in the dark. "Oh," I put a hand over my mouth, stifling laughs.

" _What_?"

"It is, um...Thomas the Tank Engine."

"God damn it, Roderich!"

We both laugh at my juvenile band-aid selection before laying back in bed.

"I don't want to go to sleep yet," Gilbert admits as we lay on our backs, staring at the ceiling.

"I guess I can stay awake until the medication takes effect," I say.

I hear Gilbert sigh.

"You know, Natalia may be a girl, but she can definitely hit hard."

I smile wanly. "I know."

It is silent for a few moments.

"Hey, want to play a game?"

"When have I ever wanted to play one of your games?"

"Come on, it'll be fun."

I roll my eyes. "Fine. What game is it?"

"Would you rather."

"Not this, please," I groan.

"Okay, so would you rather..." I can tell he's furrowing his brow in thought. "Be hunted by a trained assassin, or rot in jail?"

"Rot in jail," I answer.

"Why the hell would you want that?"

"Because if you were hunted by a trained assassin, you would be living in suspense your whole life, waiting for the assassin to strike."

"Interesting answer, Little Master."

"What about you, then?"

"I think it would be exhilarating to be hunted," Gilbert says. "You know, living on the edge."

"There are plenty of other ways you could live on the edge."

"Oh, like how? Playing the bass instead of the cello?"

"Shut up," I snap. "You know I'd never play the bass."

Gilbert laughs. "Sorry, I should have known that was too extreme an example."

I chuckle.

"Your turn," Gilbert says.

"Okay, would you rather...eat gum off the ground, or use a toilet brush to brush your teeth?"

"Shit, Roddy, you can't just ask something like that."

I smile. "You have to answer."

Gilbert stares at the ceiling for a good five minutes before finally answering. "Eat gun off the ground." He makes a disgusted face and I laugh.

"And why?"

"Because I could eat gum off of a very sterile floor, like at my place."

"It would have to be gum off of the street."

"You didn't say that!" He smirks at the loophole he found.

I roll my eyes. "Cheat."

"Little Master, you can't cheat at 'would you rather.' It's inhumanly impossible."

"Well, you just did, so that must mean you are not human."

"You caught me. I'm actually a god." I laugh, turning on my side to face him.

"What's your answer, then?" He asks me. "Gum off the ground or toilet brush?"

I sigh. "Well, I would have to agree with you on this one," I say. Who knows what kind of crap toilet brushes clean."

"All kinds of shit. That's what toilet brushes are _for_ , Little Master."

I laugh again, Gilbert cracking up too. Gilbert's sense of humour never fails to entertain me.

"My turn," Gilbert says gleefully. "Would you rather be married to someone you hate or never be with someone you love?"

His question shocks me a bit. He's told me he doesn't believe in love.

"Never be with someone I love," I answer.

"And why's that?"

"Because it would be worth it if I'm in love with the person."

"You really believe that?"

I nod.

"What about you?" I ask.

"Neither."

"Come on, you can't do that."

"I'm a god, remember?"

"What if you fall in love, Gilbert? Will you still not believe in it?" I ask.

"I'm incapable," he answers simply.

"You're incapable of loving someone."

"Well, no. I'm incapable of loving someone, but incapable of ever wanting it."

I feel sad for him at that moment. I know this is all undoubtedly because of Elizabeta, and it angers me a bit.

"Can we go to sleep now?" I ask.

"C'mon, it's Friday. What could you possibly have planned tomorrow?"

"Well, I was going to google how to eliminate gods that cheat at would you rather."

"Easy. You kiss them." He grins childishly and I laugh again.

"It's almost four," I say. "I really am tired."

"I really am tired," Gilbert mocks, his voice a few octaves higher than usual.

I smack him on the arm, laughing at how ridiculous he sounds. "I don't sound like that!"

  
"I don't sound like that!" He continues his mockery and I give up, rolling my eyes.

"I'm going to sleep."

"But the medication hasn't kicked in yet."

"You're a little brat."

He grins and I sigh.

"I don't want to play would you rather anymore," I say.

"We could play twenty-"

"No."

"How about guessing-"

"No."

"Fine. What about-"

"No."

"How about I just talk, and you listen?" He asks.

I look over at him. "Talk about what?"

"I don't know. Anything that comes to mind."

I sigh. "All right."

So he begins talking, his deep, raspy voice sliding over each syllable like butter. He talks about things I've never even thought about and things I've never even heard of. But he's content with just talking, and I'm content with just listening. I fall asleep to the sound of his voice, and the vision of his ruby eyes.

 

In the morning, I wake up with Gilbert draped over me.

His head is resting on my stomach, his arms wrapped tightly around me. His silver hair falls onto his forehead. My hands have taken comfort in his hair, the little curls wrapping around my fingers.

He's out like a light.

I try to sit up, but he groans and pushes me back down. Even in his sleep, he does everything to spite me.

"Gilbert," I say. "Get _off_."

His eyes blink open. "Roderich, why the fuck are you up at the ass crack of dawn?"

I roll my eyes. "It is ten thirty."

"Exactly." He shuts his eyes again.

"I have to use the bathroom."

"Hold it in."

"Fine, I will just use the restroom here. That is fine too."

Gilbert doesn't answer.

"I am sure you'd like warm, yellow urine all over your nice clean clothes, would you not, Gilbert?"

He shoots up, grabbing one of my pillows to hug instead of me and shuts his eyes again. I laugh.

"This is what you get for staying up until four in the morning," I sing-song as I make my way to the bathroom.

"Ha ha, fuck you,"

I shut the door to the bathroom and take this time to refresh myself. I shower and dry my hair, running a bit of gel through it quickly. I dress in a collared cream shirt and dark pants, swiping a hand through the back of my hair.

When I emerge from the bathroom, Gilbert is still out. I fold my clothes neatly and go about the flat, straightening the place up. I cook eggs and toast for breakfast, wrinkling my nose at the low supply of food in the place. I should go shopping soon.

I am in the middle of checking emails on my laptop around noon when Gilbert finally stumbles out of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes.

"I see you finally decided to join the land of the living?" I say, grinning.

"I know, I bring the party." He shrugs, smirking sleepily as I hand him a plate of breakfast.

"Yes, of course. _Party_."

"You know you love it, Roddy."

 _Love_.

I swallow.

I turn my attention back to the computer as Gilbert eats, watching television as he does so. Afternoon news is on, talking about the weather.

I look up from the laptop, watching Gilbert.

For a moment, I pretend that we are together. That I am his boyfriend and he is my boyfriend. That we take each other on romantic dates and buy each other flowers. That we spend passionate nights together, and spend the entire next day with each other, laughing and kissing and being in love.

I snap out of my stupid, pointless daydream and look back at the computer. I have never even dated a man, how does it work?

"Fuck, it's going to hail this weekend." Gilbert's voice brings my attention back to the television.

"Hail?"

"Yeah, the fat ass with the ugly tie just said."

A silly smile spreads across my face. Gilbert catches it.

"Why are you smiling? Hail makes everything worse."

"You're right, but I like gloomy weather."

"The highways are going to be jam-packed."

"So do not take the highways. Obviously."

"Ugh. Hail is so... _cold_."

I stare at him. "Really, I had no idea."

Gilbert rolls his eyes at me and gets up to put his dish away.

"And all the kids are going to be out of school, so that means they'll prank the office."

"Prank the office?"

"Yeah, every year on bad weather days, these little secondary school shits play dumb ass tricks at crystal, like throwing ice at peoples asses, or something." Gilbert returns to the couch.

I stifle a laugh.

"It's not funny."

"I bet you've got thrown ice at you before, have you not?"

"That's besides the point."

"Oh. I would have paid money to see that. Do you know if anyone got it on tape?"

Gilbert rolls his eyes at me as I continue to laugh.

Suddenly, my phone blares from the coffee table and I pick it up quickly.

"Hello?"

"I hope you saw what I did to dear Gil."

I stiffen at Natalia's voice.

"I-I did."

"Good. I should hope you would't want to see him in worse condition."

"That is correct." I try to keep my voice steady under Gilbert's confused gaze.

"Thought so. Meet me tomorrow, in the alley ten blacks down and around the corner of your flat. Alone."

"What if I don't?"

"If you don't...well, I think you know exactly what will happen if you don't."

"I do not believe I do."

"Then I'll explain it to you." There is a brief pause. "I will notify my brother of Gilbert, Ludwig and Antonio's betrayal. And...I think I'll add your name in there, too."

So she hasn't told.

And she's using it as blackmail.

"Fine," I snap.

"Good. See you soon, Roddy."

 _Click_.

"Who was that?" Gilbert asks.

_I can't ell him. Somehow Natalia will find out._

"Just...um, my father. He was talking about the divorce."

"Oh." Gilbert nods, seeing to but into my lie.

I feel queasy and sickened by Natalia's threats. What could she possibly want?

I have a feeling I do not want to find out.


	56. Chapter Fifty Five

I pull my coat tighter around me as I walk down the street, the wind whipping at my hair. My cheeks are rosy  red from the cool air and my shoes click on the pavement.

I am going to meet Natalia

I feel horribly guilty for lying to Gilbert, but I don't need to tell him everywhere I go. As far as I know, Gilbert is in his flat watching television, and as far as Gilbert knows, I am going grocery shopping.

If it weren't for my sudden protectiveness over Gilbert, I wouldn't be doing this. But something about seeing him so injured on Friday broke my heart, and I don't want him getting hurt by Natalia anymore.

I recall the directions Natalia texted me twice and told me over the phone yesterday.

_The alley ten blocks down and around the corner of your flat._

I round the corner, fear sparking inside of me. I have no idea what to expect from this meeting.

As I enter the narrow alley, I see Natalia leaning against the brick wall of one of the buildings. She smirks when I approach.

"How nice of you to show, Roddy," she says tauntingly. "I trust you came alone?"

I nod.

"Fortunately for you, so did I." Natalia stands up straight.

"What do you want?" I snap.

"Let's just chat for a minute, shall we?"

I exhale slowly.

"How have you been?" She asks.

"Fine."

"Work's good?"

"Yes."

"And how about Gilbert?"

"Gilbert is fine."

"Good, good. And your feelings for him?"

I furrow my brow, swallowing. "Nonexistent."

"Nonexistent?"

"I have no feelings for him."

"I have a hard time believing that."

"I am not gay. We're acquaintances, that is all." _Am I convincing Natalia, or myself?_

"I see," Natalia says venomously.

"Why did you ask me to come here?" I ask, quick to change the subject away from Gilbert.

"My brother has requested I ask a favour of you," Natalia says.

"A favour?"

"Yes. A favour."

My heart quickens. "What kind of favour?"

"You're a smart man, Roderich. You're quite observant, and that's a valuable skill. A desirable skill." Natalia steps forward and I step back. "We'd like for you to come work for Russia Enterprises."

I am completely taken aback at this. " _Work_ for you?"

"Yes. You wouldn't work with the finances, but you'd be an extra pair of eyes and ears that could be quite beneficial to the company."

"What if I were to refuse?"

"I'll tell Ivan. Simple."

I shake my head. "No, you _won't_ tell Ivan what you know." I lock my jaw, taking a step toward her. "You will not tell him because if you hadn't had three other men to back you up, the tables would have been reversed, and you know so, too. I see it in your face."

 Natalia looks mortified for a moment before regaining her composure. "You're wrong, Roddy."

"No, I am not. So if you make any move to tell Ivan about Gilbert, Ludwig and Antonio, they'll come after you. And they'll get you alone." I am surprised at my threatening.

"I'm not scared of them, that's bullshit."

"Are you really willing to take that chance?" I say, my eyes flashing.

Natalia clenches her jaw.

I stare at her, making my gaze as fiery as I can.

"You're pushing your limits, Roderich."

"The limits you assign me are not my true limits, Natalia. I think we both know that."

Natalia looks completely and utterly defeated.

Maybe some of Gilbert's 'qualities' have grown on to me.

"If there is nothing else, I will be going now."

Natalia looks away. "Fine."

I begin to walk away, before turning around, a thought striking me. "Oh, Natalia?"

"What?" She snaps.

"What were you doing that day? When you drunk dialled me?"

She blinks. "My brother threw a party for one of his clients."

I smirk disdainfully. "I thought so. Goodbye, Natalia."

I think I hear her say something in Russian under her breath as I round the corner out of the alleyway.

The walk home is cold, and I curse myself for not wearing any gloves- my fingers feel stiff.

Harvest season is next week, and Kirkland gives us the whole week off. It is odd for a company to do so, but the income has been so high this quarter, they're giving everyone the whole week off, according to Gilbert. I'm glad I don't have to drive next week when the weather is bad.

I exhale a deep breath as I enter the warm lobby, running a hand through my hair. I call the lift and take it up to the fifth floor, get out and pull out my keys.

I let myself in and scream a bit when I see Gilbert sitting on the couch.

"You scared me," I breathe, pressing a palm to my chest as I shut the door behind me. I had forgotten I gave Gilbert a spare key.

"Did I," his tone is cold and I put my guard up immediately.

"Why, um...why are you here?" I ask.

"Where are your groceries?" He ignores my question.

 _Shit_.

I part my lips. "Groceries."

"You told me you had to go grocery shopping, did you not?" Gilbert stands slowly, his gaze hard.

"I...I forgot my wallet."

Gilbert shakes his head. "Roderich, you are a _shitty_ liar."

I step back as he nears me, swallowing hard.

"Do you really view me as a complete _moron_?" He shouts, his eyes flashing. "Did you honestly think I didn't see the fucking _caller ID_ on your phone yesterday?"

My breathing accelerates as he stands a mere foot from me.

"And then you lied to me, you lied. Why you would feel the need to lie, I don't know." Gilbert clenches his jaw.

"I thought you trusted me, Roderich, you even said it yourself. You said you trusted me-"

"So I went to see Natalia, it does not matter! I am fine, I am not hurt."

"What did she say to you?"

"Nothing, she-"

" _What did she say to you_?" Gilbert's fist pounds the door behind me in anger and I flinch.

For the first time ever, I feel fear towards Gilbert. I've never seen him so angry- and I've seen him angry a fair amount of times. His eyes blaze and his muscles tense with fury, his fist still clenched against the door.

"You're scaring me," I breathe.

His eyes shift and he steps away from me, turning and running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry," he says quietly.

I nod.

He turns back around.

"Roderich, I...I have this sense of... _belonging_ when I'm with you. I don't know why, but I can't lose you, okay?"

His words tug at my heart strings. "Why?" I ask. "Why do I matter?" I repeat to him the words he once said to me when he caught me looking through his file at Kirkland.

And although I had no answer for him, he has an answer for me.

"You matter because you listen. Roderich, you really listen to me. You ask me questions no one has cared to ask before, and you..." He trails off, blinking his eyes as if searching for more words to say.

"What? I what?"

"You make me feel like I did when I was younger...before...my father died." He looks down. "You bring back this sense of happiness that I haven't felt for years."

It is odd for me to see him so open, so vulnerable. His cheeks are flushed and his brow is furrowed, a frown on his lips.

At that moment, I see how much Gilbert and I are truly alike. Although I do not know his entire story, I know he has had a tough past, and so have I.

But somehow, Gilbert makes me feel so _alive_ , and I can tell I do the same to him. And I understand why we can't lose each other- because if we don't have each other to restore that addictive feeling of liveliness, we might as well not have anyone.

I find myself crying, then, little tears falling down my face one at a time.

Because I know what I feel for Gilbert is a lot stronger than friendship and lust.

Gilbert stares at me still, his eyes intense.

"What are you thinking?" He asks me, his voice slow and rough.

I shake my head faintly.

"I am sorry I lied," I finally say quietly. "I should not have done that, it was a bitch of a move."

"I'm sorry I lost my temper."

I shut my eyes.

"Do you want to come with me...somewhere?"

"Where?"

Gilbert scratches the back of his neck. "Outside the city."

"Why would we go there? Plus, it is freezing outside."

"Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"Then come with me."

"But-"

"You'll love it, I promise."

 _Love_.

I swallow. "Fine, let's go."

Fifteen minutes later and we're in the car, Gilbert cursing at all the bad drivers. I've filled him in on what happened between Natalia and I, and Gilbert shot me a satisfied smirk when I told him what I said.

I have no clue where Gilbert is taking me, but I do not mind.

"How old are you, Gilbert?" I ask.

"Twenty-four."

"Really?"

How old did you think I was?"

I contemplate this. "About...four."

Gilbert rolls his eyes. "Very funny."

"When is your birthday?"

"Eighteenth of January."

"Hmm, a winter month. It sure goes with your personality." I grin. Gilbert shakes his head at me, trying not to laugh.

"And when were you born, then?"

"October twenty-sixth." Gilbert widens his eyes.

"That's just right around the corner!"

I shrug. "It is not really a big deal."

"But you're turning twenty-six, of course it's a big deal.

"Why is twenty-six such a big deal?"

"Well, it has twenty and six in it, so I'd say it's a big deal."

I laugh. "Good answer, genius."

"What do you want for your birthday, then?"

"I don't want anything."

"Bullshit. You're an aristocrat, you always want something."

"Gilbert, that comment could be processed in many ways."

Gilbert throws his head back and laughs. "I suppose so," he says. He smirks. "It's still true."

" _Gilbert_!"

He laughs again. "In all seriousness, Little Master, it is currently October third, and your birthday is hardly three weeks out."

"So what?"

"Sew buttons."

I snort. "That was a horrible pun."

"It was a great pun."

"O-okay, Gilbert. It was a _great_ pun."

"You want to get out of this car and walk home?"

"No, sir." I mock salute him.

"That's what I thought." Gilbert turns the car onto a dirt road, pulling it to a stop shortly after. "Here we are," he announces and unbuckles himself.

"Gilbert, we are at an empty field." I raise my eyebrows as I follow him out.

"Not quite empty," he puts a hand on the small of my back, pointing up at the black night sky. "Look up."

I tilt my chin up and gasp at the sight above me.

Millions of stars dot the sky, glimmering iridescently. The moon hangs as a silver among the novas, glowing brightly. It is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.

"This is beautiful," I breathe.

"I know." I feel his eyes on me, instead of the sky.

My mouth hangs over slightly as I marvel at the stars, my breath visible in the chilly air. Gilbert's hand is still warm on my back.

"If you had one wish, Roderich, what would it be?" Gilbert asks out of the blue.

I contemplate this. "I think it would have to be...that I change someone's life. For the better, I mean. To just...have an impact, I guess." I shake my head. "It's stupid."

"No, it's not."

I tear my gaze from the stars in the sky and look at the stars in Gilbert's eyes. The ones that are there all the time.

He swallows, looking at me deeply.

"What would be your wish?" I ask him.

He doesn't break my gaze. "I'd wish for you, Roderich."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question, someone pls answer: do you guys get notifications when I update?


	57. Chapter Fifty Six

Gilbert looks down as soon as he says it as if he didn't mean to say it aloud.

I stare at him as a pink blush creeps onto his cheeks.

I'd wish for you, Roderich.

I'd wish for you.

Wish for me? What does that mean? It could mean so many things, but with Gilbert, I could never know.

"What do you mean, you'd wish for me?" I breathe.

Gilbert blinks, bringing his gaze back to mine. "I don't exactly know," he says. "I think I..." He stops himself when his phone vibrates in his pocket.

What? He thinks he...what?

"Hello?" He says into the phone.

He immediately stiffens. "What do you mean?"

I part my lips.

"Antonio, slow down. Tell me what the fuck you're talking about."

Gilbert's eyes flick to me.

"Fine. We'll be there."

He locks his phone and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Damn it," he curses, beginning to pace in front of me.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Ivan...Ivan's angry that Natalia didn't recruit you, so he's sending people to look for you. It's not safe to go back to the building right now."

My heart rate quickens. "So...what do we do?"

"We're meeting at Ludwig's place in an hour, we'll figure it out then."  
Gilbert's jaw is clenched tight as I follow him back to the car, getting into the passenger side.

I am dying to know what Gilbert was going to say, but his earlier comments are long forgotten as he speeds back into the city. The peaceful time when we stared at the stars is now gone.

"Fuck, fuck, fucking..." Gilbert curses under his breath as we drive along.

"Why do they want me?" I ask.

"Because you're smart. Everyone can see that."

"What use would I be? I don't understand." I shake my head.

"Roderich, you're a copy editor, yes?"

I nod slowly.

"Your job then requires close examination of a piece of literature for mistakes of any form, correct?"

"Yes."

"That skill is...highly useful for someone like Ivan. You're observant like Natalia said. You could potentially be Ivan's most valuable tool."

"Is he going to try to force me into working for him?"

"Yes," Gilbert says. "He's going to do everything he can to persuade you, but remember what I've told you, Roderich. Once you're in, you can never get out and I won't let you be subjected to his schemes"

"I won't be," I tell him and he nods.

"Good."

Gilbert soon pulls up to a brick building similar to ours, but I recognise the neighbourhood as Arnhem Place.

"Stay close, okay?" Gilbert looks over at me.

I nod faintly.

"Are you afraid?" He asks me.

"No," I answer.

He stares at me for a moment longer before nodding and getting out of the car.

I follow behind him into the building. This is nerve wrecking, knowing I am being sought out by Ivan.

Gilbert presses the button for the third floor on the lift, his foot tapping against the floor nervously.

He leads me down a hall, to a door where I assume Ludwig lives, lifting his fist and knocking.

Ludwig opens the door.

"Hi," he greets us. He seems to be just as on edge as Gilbert.

"Hey," Gilbert says as we step into the place, the door shutting behind us.

"Antonio is on his way," Francis says from the couch.

Ludwig's flat is decorated contemporarily, with lots of art on the walls. Even the furniture he chose is almost abstractly artistic- the couch is bright red and the coffee table is sleek black.

Gilbert motions for me to sit beside Francis on the couch and I do so as he turns to talk to Ludwig.

"How are you, Roderich?" Francis asks.

"I'm okay," I say. "I have been better, you know when a psychotic con man is not after me."

Francis chuckles. "Likewise."

I look down at my lap. "Do you think that this...rebellion thing you guys have going will be successful?"

Francis chews on his lip thoughtfully. "I can't say," he replies. "But I certainly hope it will be."

I hear commotion in the foyer area and turn to see Antonio entering, throwing his coat onto a chair by the door.

"Evening, Roderich," Antonio greets me as the rest congregate in the sitting area where Francis and I are.

"Hello," I say. Although I have no fear of him now, I am still wary of Antonio (and Francis, really) because of how they attacked me some time ago when I was walking home. I know they were only doing it because they had to, though and they are an important part of this alliance.

"First order of business," Gilbert says, remaining on his feet while everyone else sits. "What the fuck is Ivan thinking?"

"He spoke a lot of Roderich at the meeting today," Ludwig says.

"Meeting?" Gilbert's eyes widen. "Fuck!"

"Shit, Gilbert," Antonio groans.

"That gives him another reason to be pissed, Christ," Gilbert presses his palms to his eyes, stressed.

"You need to go talk to him so he won't suspect you," Francis says.

"I agree," Antonio says. "Go now before he leaves Mauve."

"What is Mauve?" I ask.

"Another name for Russia Headquarters," Francis tells me.

"I can't fucking go, he'll know something's up if I go," Gilbert says.

"What are your other options then?" Francis shoots back.

Gilbert lets out a frustrated sigh.

"If I go, Roderich needs to stay here," he finally says.

"He's fine with us, just go talk to him and make him think you're aligned with him one hundred percent. He can't have any doubts about your loyalty to the enterprise," Ludwig says.

"No, I think Roderich needs to go," Francis says. "Ivan knows that Roderich and Ludwig work together as well as he knows that they're friends. He'll send people here, it's only a matter of time."

"What if we just give him what he wants?" I speak up.

All eyes turn to me.

I sit up a little straighter. "If I go to, um...Mauve...to talk to him, maybe he'll see that I am no threat."

"That's fucking insane," Gilbert snaps.

"No, it's not," Antonio says. "This is a game of cat and mouse, all of this is. The more Roderich runs, the more intent he'll be on finding him. If we send him in and have him act like he knows nothing, he'll leave him alone."

"We can't just send him in, though," Ludwig points out. "If he shows up on his own will, Ivan will know something is up."

"I could take him in," Francis says. "Ivan doesn't suspect anything of me and he's sent me after him before."

"You're overlooking the big problem here," Gilbert says. "Ivan wants to _recruit_ Roderich."

"If he sees how little he knows about the enterprise, he'll lose interest," Francis says.

"He can easily educate him on it," Gilbert rebuts.

"He wouldn't, because what if I refuse?" I say.

"Roderich's right, he wouldn't risk it," Francis agrees.

Gilbert pulls at the roots of his hair. "Fine, so what do we do?"

"I'll take Roderich, the rest of you should stand by along the perimeter," Francis says, standing from his seat.

"None of us have shifts tonight," Antonio points out.

"We're close to Ivan, anyone on standby will believe us if we say we have a shift," Ludwig says.

"True," Antonio agrees, nodding.

"All right, let's go. If all goes well, we'll be back here in less than two hours," Antonio says.

I stand and nod, following along as everyone flies out of the flat.

We take the lift down, the atmosphere heavy with angst.

In the car lot, everyone spreads off to their vehicles, but Gilbert grabs my arms. "Be careful," he says, his brow furrowed.

"I will."

"Roderich..." He sighs. "This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. You talking to Ivan."

I nod. "I know."

His hand runs down my arm to meet mine, lacing his fingers through my own and squeezing.

"Stay hidden if you have to," he says and I nod again.

He lets go of my hand as Francis pulls up in his car, nodding for me to get in.

I slide into the seat next to Francis and have barely shut the door when he speeds off, pulling out of the lot.

"Roderich, I hope there're no hard feelings about the time Antonio and I stopped you on the street," he says, humour glinting in his dark blue eyes.

"No, there is none," I say, smiling.

"Good, I was afraid you hated me or something."

"Well, you dealt me quite a scare."

"True." He smirks.

I look out the window as he drives. "Why do you call the headquarters Mauve?" I ask.

"It's just code, I guess."

Despite the small smile I put on for Francis, I am terrified inside.

What will Ivan ask me? What if he successfully convinces me to join Russia Enterprises? What if he hurts me? What if my answers to his questions give away something?

Francis parks in an alley, pulling his keys from the ignition. He turns to me.

"Whatever happens now, you cannot reveal anything. I know it's going to be difficult because Ivan's a cunning guy, but don't ever, for a moment, let you guard down."

I nod. "Okay."

"Are you doing all right?"

"Yes, I am just nervous."

"You're fine. The others are standing by if anything happens."  
I take a breath.

Francis looks at me for a bit longer before stepping out of the car and I follow suit.

I feel like I am walking to my doom, but I know I need to do this.

I follow Francis across the street and into an alley I recognise.

The sleek door is unmistakably the one I followed Gilbert into. Sure enough, Francis punches the same code into the keypad and gestures for me to follow him inside.

My nerves skyrocket as we walk down the narrow corridor.

Francis pushes open a door to the side and wraps his hand around my arm. At first, I am startled by his contact, but he gives me a look and I know it is part of the act.

 

Inside is a different room from when I followed Gilbert here. This one is considerably smaller and it has another door off to the side. A silver desk sits in the middle of the room with two small fountains on either side of it. Clear blue water bubbles out of each, creating a serene atmosphere. The walls of the room are white with paintings of historical leaders on them. George Washington, Miguel Hidalgo, Abraham Lincoln and Queen Elizabeth have portraits- to name a few.

My eyes fall from the painting to the man sitting behind the silver desk.

Ivan.

He seems to look menacing as ever, writing something rapidly, his brow furrowed.

Francis gives me a rough shove that I also interpret as part of the act and I step forward, looking down.

"Ivan, we've got a visitor," Francis' tone has shifted to how it sounded when he and Antonio stopped me on the street.

Ivan looks up from his work, a sinister smile spreading across his face. Shivers run down my spine.

Well, well," he says, folding his hands on the desk. "Roderich Edelstein. How nice of you to show."

I swallow.

"Leave us, Bonnefoy."

Francis nods curtly and exits the room, leaving me ten times more terrified.

"Have a seat, Roderich."

I sit in one of the metal chairs in front of the desk with great trepidation.

"Let's chat, shall we?"

I chew on my lip. 

"How are you?"

"You're looking lovely."

"Thanks."

Ivan leans back in his seat. "What do you think of this room, Roderich?"

I look around. "It's very clean," I say.

"Did you take notice of the paintings?"

I nod. "Yes."

"What do they signify?"

I am about to open my mouth to tell him, when I stop myself.  
The key is to make him think I am as stupid and unknowing as possible.

"I don't know," I say.

"Any guesses?"

"No."

"None?"

"No."

"Interesting," He stands from his desk, holding his hands behind his back beginning to pace. "Roderich, I have been notified you possess knowledge of Russia Enterprises."

I blink. "Russia Enterprises?"

"Yes." He stops pacing. "Proceed to tell me what you know."

"I don't know what...Russia Enterprises, or whatever...is."

Ivan blinks. "You know Gilbert Beilschmidt," he states.

I nod. "He works with me."

"Correct. And you are involved with him romantically."

I burst into laughter. "No," I say, shaking my head. " _No_."

Ivan stares at me, raising an eyebrow. "What's funny here?"

"I am not involved with Gilbert in any way," I say confidently.

"You have no feelings for him?"

"No."

"What does he mean to you?"

"I--"

"What does he mean to you?" Ivan raises his voice, slamming his palm down on the desk. I jump slightly.

"Nothing!" I shout. "He means nothing to me!"

"Nothing whatsoever?"

"No! I feel nothing for him, nor will I ever," I spit. My chest aches.

Ivan grins widely. He slowly sits back down, leaning in the armrest of his chair.

"Once again, Roderich, the security cameras have betrayed you," he says, his eyes flashing.

"W-what?"

"Beilschmidt!" He shouts. The door off to the side I noticed earlier opens, and Gilbert steps out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish there was a way for you guys to receive notifications every time I update :(


	58. Chapter Fifty Seven

My heart is instantly in my throat as Gilbert shuts the metal door behind him.

"I had Beilschmidt here monitor our conversation from the security office," Ivan says evilly.

Gilbert's face is stoic as he stares at me.

I have no idea what to think, or expect. My throat is dry and I can't seem to form words.

_Ivan is using my false words about my feelings to get Gilbert to turn on me._

"Beilschmidt, can you vouch for what Roderich has just said?" Ivan asks, the sinister smile still on his face. "Do you feel nothing for him?"

For a split second, I see emotion flash before his eyes- the red splashing from light to dark in seconds. I see visions of him holding me in the night, me cleaning his cuts, the two of us laughing together, his eyes on me as we stared at the stars only a few hours ago.

Then his eyes darken, the red so muted it's almost black.

"I feel _less_ than nothing for him," he snaps, tearing his eyes away from me.

I feel my heart crack.

"I suppose I have misjudged," Ivan says, raising his eyebrows. "But there's always the chance that you're lying."  
His eyes flash.

Gilbert swallows. "I told you, he doesn't know anything. Why would I tell him anything?"

Every word that escapes from him seems to hit me harder, but I keep my expression neutral.

"Get him out of here, Beilschmidt. I expect you attending meetings from now on," Ivan snaps, picking up the papers on his desk and straightening them.

Gilbert nods and paces out of the room.

I stand from the seat, taking one last look at Ivan before turning and following Gilbert.

I hate Ivan.

When I emerge from Mauve and into the alley, Gilbert stands by his car which is parked across the street.

"Get in," he snaps at me when I near him.

I sigh and comply.

"I do not understand," I say. "What were you doing there?"

"I went to talk to him beforehand, to make sure he wasn't pissed because I've missed meetings. He caught sight of you and Francis walking in and told me to wait in the surveillance room."  
Gilbert doesn't even look at me.

I look at my lap.

The car ride is silent.

I lean my head against the window, shutting my eyes.

"Don't fall asleep in my car again. I won't carry you up."

I flinch at Gilbert's words, sitting up straight. "I was not going to."

Gilbert's hands grip the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles almost turning white.

"I do not know why you are so cross," I say to him.

"I heard everything you said," he snaps. "Everything."

"So what?"

"So, you basically said you could give a flying fuck about me."

"Why does that matter to you?"

"It matters to me because we're friends," he shakes his head. "We _were_ friends," he corrects himself and my heart sinks.

"That is not the reason and you know it," I say. "You have feelings for me, but you won't say."

"I have no feelings for you, Roderich. I would rather crawl on my hands and knees back to Elizabeta than _ever_ have feelings for _you_."

His words hit me hard and I bite my lip to keep from crying.

"You are lying."  
I call after him as he pulls into the lot of the building, parking the car and getting out hastily.

I follow quickly, having to run to keep up with his long strides.

Ivan did this. He wants to tear Gilbert and I apart, and he's succeeding.

"What about the time we spent together?" I shout, grabbing  his wrist to make him stop walking.

He recoils, coming to a stop.

We stand in the car park, the wind blowing harshly around us.

"What about when you let me stay those nights with you? What about the time you let me sleep next to you? What about when you said if you had one wish, you'd wish for me? What about when you _kissed_ me, Gilbert?" My voice cracks.

He doesn't meet my gaze. "You're the one who said you didn't feel anything," he snaps. "You said it to Ivan's face, right there. I _saw_ it."

"I said it because if he found out I did have feelings for you, we'd both be in trouble!"

His eyes snap to me. "You have feelings for me?"

"Of course I have feelings for you, Gilbert! For the love of God, how could you not know that by now?" I look away from him, crossing my arms over my chest. "You...you ignite this fire in me I didn't know existed, Gilbert. Whenever I'm around you there's this force that draws us together, and I don't know why or how but I'm addicted to it."

He doesn't answer and I look back at him.

"It does not matter, though," I say. "Because you do not believe in any of that, right?"

He looks down.

I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath. "You don't believe in happy endings, prince charming and certainly not _love_."

I open my eyes and turn on my heel, entering the lobby and leaving Gilbert to watch me walk away.

I think I hear him call my name, but I ignore him and take the stairs up.

I slam the door to the flat behind me, tears overflowing in my eyes.

I hate Ivan, I hate him so much for doing this. He saw right through my lies and used them against me.

I hate Gilbert, too. I hate him for believing what I said, and for taking it to heart.

I drag myself into the shower, trying to wash away the events of the day, but it's no use. Gilbert's hurt, dark eyes still swim through my mind.

I change into my pyjamas and sit in bed, turning on the bedside lamp, flipping through a random books pages lazily.

It is past twenty-three hundred, and I have no desire to sleep when I know Gilbert will only lace my dreams.

I finally fall asleep around midnight, the lamp still on and the book on my lap.

And as I drift off, I realise I don't only have feelings for Gilbert.

I love him.

When I wake up the next morning, the ground outside is icy.

I wrap a blanket tighter around me.

I make myself coffee and listen to the morning news, brushing my teeth.

Around ten I get dressed and write out a grocery list.

I feel almost numb from my encounter the night before.

At eleven I gather my things and step out into the hall, turning to lock the door behind me.

Of course, just my luck- so does Gilbert.

"Hey," he says and I force myself to look at him.

He wears a Nirvana t-shirt with a grey sweatshirt, his coat draped over his arm.

"Hi."

He scratches the back of his neck, his eyes moving to the ground before going back to mine. "Do you want to get lunch?"

I shake my head. "No, thank you."

He looks disappointed for a second before composing himself. "Are you sure? I was going to get Pizza Hut."

"I'm sure."  
He sighs.

"Look, I'm sorry, all right?" He says. "I shouldn't have said what I said last night."

I nod. "Okay." I shift my weight. "I am still not going to lunch with you."

He runs his tongue over his lips. "Where are you going then?"

"Grocery shopping."

"I'll come with you, and we can get lunch after."

"No, Gilbert." I straighten my posture. "I don't...I don't think I can spend any time with you right now."

He stares at me for a long moment.

He finally nods.

I'll admit, it hurts to see him look at me like that, but I nod and walk down the hall, deciding on taking the stairs rather than endure a lift ride with him.

I am careful not to slip and leave footprints in some slush when I walk.

I blast the heat when I slide into the driver's seat and fix my fogged up glasses.

I chew on my lip as I drive along, paying close attention to the ice on the road. Ice like this reminds me of Vienna, and I smile a bit, thinking of home.

I wonder how my parents are doing- they finalised their divorce only last week. I had meant to call them, but I guess I just forgot.

I dial my mother's number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mother, it's Roderich."

"Oh! Hi, Roddy, how are you?" Her tone sounds tired, almost worn out.

"I am fine, how is everything? With...Father?"

"Oh." She pauses. "He moved out last week. I got custody of the house."

My heart sinks. _My parents are really not together anymore._

"Anyway, tell me about London."

I tell her how it rained ice last night, and how my job is going.

"And how's Natalia? Did you two work things out?"

I almost laugh. "No, no we didn't."

"Oh. I am sorry, Roderich. What about that neighbour of yours?"

I freeze. I don't remember telling her about Gilbert.

"Neighbour?"

"Anneliese told me you have a, and I quote, 'hot neighbour.'"

I burst into laughter, pulling into a spot at the shop, parking. I now remember telling Anneliese about Gilbert the night we made up- although, I didn't quite describe him as 'hot.'

"Well?" My mother asks. I can hear the smirk in her voice.

"Gilbert and I...are friends," I say. Can I even say that anymore?

 _I_ would _rather **crawl** on my hands and knees back to Elizabeta than ever have feelings for you._

_I feel **less** than nothing for him._

"Oh. Well, I hear he's German."

The smile has fallen from my face. "Yes."

"Roderich? Are you all right?"

I shake my head. "Yes, my apologies. I'll call you later this week, I am at the shop."

"All right, I'll talk to you soon. Take care, Roddy."

"As well, Mother." I drop my phone in my lap and take my bottom lip between my teeth.

_I feel **less** than nothing for him._

_I'd wish for you, Roderich._

_I would rather **crawl** on my hands and knees back to Elizabeta than ever have feelings for **you**._

_I'd wish for you._

His words swim in my mind and I put my head in my hands.

I should have gone to lunch with him, I should have apologised. I should have told him I didn't mean anything I said the night before, and things would go back to normal.

I guess there really is no normal when it come to Gilbert and I.

 

Yom Kippur and Sukkot pass fairly quickly for me.

Most every day, our 'alliance,' as we've come to call it, has met. Most days we meet at Gilbert's place, but sometimes we go to Ludwig's. We've decided we need to be a lot more careful when it comes to Ivan- he's unpredictable.

We've also established that we're going to need to talk to Arthur Kirkland soon about Russia enterprises. Our time is running out, and we all know it.

Gilbert hasn't tried talking to me, and I haven't tried talking to him. He's kept his distance, and I've kept mine. At night, though, he always makes his way into my dreams.

There was only one conversation we have, and it is when I find Gilbert's mail in my box on Tuesday night.

I knock on his door softly.

When he opens it, he's finishing a phone call, bringing his phone from his ear. He wears a plaid flannel, his feet only covered with socks.

He pockets his phone, and his eyes trail over my face slowly. I feel like he's truly looking _into_ me, straight into my soul.

"Your mail got put in my box," I say finally, handing him three envelopes.

He takes the mail without a word. "Oh."

I swallow. "Thanks," he says.

I nod. "No problem."

I turn and begin to walk away when I hear his rough voice speak my name.

I look back.

"I think we've got to talk to that postman."

The corners of my lips turn up. "I think so too."

He nods to me again, a small smile on his lips, before closing the door.

 

Some coworkers wanted to celebrate the last day of Sukkot with me. Feliciano, Laura, Lovino, Eduard and Kiku. Feliciano and Lovino cook dinner at their place, and the food is spectacular. They said they've never celebrated a Jewish holiday before and that they were glad they helped me celebrate though most of them were Catholic.

I stay at the Vargas' house until around twenty-one hundred bidding everyone goodnight, despite their slightly drunken requests that I stay. I tell them I'll see them on Monday and I'm on my way.

It's when I'm driving down the highway that I get the call.

"Hello?"

"Roderich. meet me somewhere?"

I furrow my brow. "Gilbert?"

"Yeah, it's Gil. Will you just meet me somewhere?"

"Why?"

"Please."  
His voice cracks slightly at the end and my heart is instantly pounding as I pull onto the shoulder of the road.

"Where?"

He gives me directions and hangs up shortly after.

Worry pulses through me as I follow Gilbert's directions, pulling into the car park of a restaurant near the London Bridge.

I get out of my car and see Gilbert pacing by his vehicle a few cars down.

"Gilbert?" I ask as I approach him.

He stops walking when I near him, his red irises wild. His cheeks are flushed pink from the cold, and he wears his dark jacket and boots. He swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat.

"I got a call," he says shakily.

"From who?"

"My..." He takes a breath. "My uncle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //not really spoilers//  
> so if you don't remember from all those chapters ago, Gilbert's uncle (which in this story is Germania) didn't tell Gilbert that his dad (which is Old Fritz) died so Gilbert was really pissed and didn't talk to him at all.


	59. Chapter Fifty Eight

I furrow my brow. Gilbert has barely spoken of his uncle in the time I've known him, but I can see that there is something inside him connected to him- a secret.

His breathing is fast and irregular as he tugs at the roots of his hair. I've never seen him like this before, and it scares me.

"Gilbert, calm down," I say, stepping forward and putting a hand on his arm. "Talk to me, Gilbert."

He stares at me, his eyes filled with worry.

I nod. "Okay."

He takes my hand and tugs me through the car park. At first, I think he's going to take me inside the restaurant, but he walks right past it.

We step into the street, avoiding vehicles. A gust of wind at the road makes me shiver.

Gilbert continues to pull me farther and farther away from where we came. He suddenly stops, bringing me to a halt.

"Sit," he says and I do so as he does the same.

The ground is slightly wet from the melted ice at the London Bridge, but I don't mind.

Gilbert's jaw is clenched tight as he stares at the water.

"Why are we at London Bridge? Won't we get in trouble?" I ask him.

"The water calms me down. And no, if we stay off the road we won't."

He still holds my hand tightly in his, his palm warm.

"He called me, maybe an hour ago," he says. "I don't know how, or...or-"

"Gilbert, if I am going to understand any of this at all, I think you have to tell me some things."

He nods, looking over at me. "I know."  
He reaches into his pocket, pulling something out and handing it to me.

It is a photograph.

In it is a family of five, all smiling widely. A tall man stands proudly, with blonde hair and grey eyes. He smiles, a single dimple carving into his cheek, he stands near a brunette woman stands, her eyes ice blue. She is looking away from the camera.

Her hand rests on a little boy's shoulder. The boy smiles widely, his two front teeth missing. His blonde hair spills over his forehead, his blue eyes squinting with his smile. I recognise him as Ludwig.

My eyes move to the other little boy, and my heart melts.

His silver locks are unruly, his grin the wildest of them all. He stands in front of the grey-haired man, leaning slightly on Ludwig, prominent dimples in his thin cheeks.

"This is your family," I breathe.

"It was my family."

I watch him as he takes a long breath.

"The lady in the photo left us," he says slowly. I can tell how hard this is for him, to talk about his past. "She found out my father was...gay...and left us behind. I was so four and Ludwig was one. She said she didn't want to raise children with a homosexual."

Small crystals softly begin to fall from the sky.

"My father actually seemed...happy. But things were different then. It was wrong to be gay then, it was a sin to the Catholic church so a lot of people hated my father. I remember, I was at college, getting my degree. It wasn't too far from the house in Berlin, so I was home a lot. I was...very close to my father." He sniffs. "I found out my father was gay when I went home one weekend, and he greeted me at the door crying. "

He chews on his lip. "He was ashamed. But there was nothing he could do about it. He loved the church. Maybe too much." He pauses. "He hated being gay, and he tried to stop, for us. He knew it was hurting Ludwig and I being called faggots wherever we went. Times changed, but the church didn't."

Gilbert clenches his jaw. "The last time I saw my father was... October, five years ago."

My breath hitches in my throat.

"Being gay isn't wrong, but my father was frustrated by it. He always begged for forgiveness when he went to prayer. We got teased for it sometimes."

"I knew something was off that year, by the way everyone was acting. Joseph, my uncle, came home from business and didn't make fun of me for working towards a degree in maths, which he did every time he came to visit. My father didn't go to church as often."

"When I asked why, my father told me he would be going to therapy before stepping back into the church. I was disappointed."

Gilbert takes a shaky breath. "That was the worst time of my life, that October."

His fingers are still laced between mine, and I feel him tighten his grip.

"Six days later, after Sukkot, I found out he was driving to the therapist at a nearby institution and was hit by a drunk driver." Gilbert's tone turns disdainful.

" _Joseph, our lovely uncle,_ didn't fucking tell us when it happened. No, he packed his goddamn bags and left the fucking _country_." He shakes his head. "He called me from a hotel in Rome a week after Sukkot, and told me."

When I look at him, his eyes are glossy, and my heart cracks all over again.

"I didn't leave my dormitory for a week. I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't, for the life of me, believe that my father was dead."

I squeeze his hand.

"And Ludwig...I visited him in Switzerland. He wasn't as crushed as I was, though. He didn't know Dad like I did."

Gilbert removes his fingers from mine and puts his head in his hands.

I bite my bottom lip, watching him compose himself. I place a hand on his shoulder, comforting like he's done for me so many times before.

He finally looks up, sniffing. "I'm sorry," he says quietly and I shake my head.

"No, don't be," I say.

Gilbert laughs dryly. "So, there you go," he says. "That's why I moved to London as soon as I graduated, I wanted to go somewhere away. I chose London because it's the last place my uncle would expect me to go. And I know he's been trying to find me.

"How did he get your number?"

He shrugs. "Hell, if I knew."

"What did he say when he called you?"

"He barely said two words. I heard his voice, and I knew who it was, so I just panicked and hung up."

He looks so sad, looking down into his lap, his eyes still shiny from moisture. I lean into him, pressing my lips to the soft skin on his cheek.

I want to be here for him, I want to be his shoulder to cry on if he needs to. He deserves it, he deserves it so much, to be loved and cared for. He's lost so much, and he's strong to be able to tell me. I admire him for telling me, I can tell it's something he's kept hidden for a long time.

"I lose everyone and everything that I love," he says in a monotone.

I look out the river, tears spilling from my eyes at his statement.

 _You won't lose me_ , I want to say to him. _I love you, I love you and I won't leave you._

But I say nothing.

It must seem true to him, that he loses everything he loves. He lost his father, he practically lost his uncle too, and he lost Elizabeta.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't love me, or if he ever will, but I won't let him lose me.

"Gilbert," I say.

He looks into my eyes again.

"Kiss me," I whisper.

His eyes fly to my lips, and back up to my eyes.

I lean forward so our foreheads touch, his eyes fluttering shut.

Snow is falling harder around us, and I can't help but think what a beautifully tragic moment this is.

Gilbert is beautifully tragic.

He leans in closer and connects our lips.

I want him, I want all of him, for as long as we both live. I want him to love me back, I want him to feel about me the way I feel about him. I want him to look past the pain he's endured in his life and let himself fall.

My arms wrap around his neck, and his tighten around my waist. I've missed his smell, his touch, his presence.

He pulls away from me too soon, looking into my eyes.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you, that night," He whispers against my lips. "I'd rather have you than Elizabeta any day."

I shut my eyes. "Don't say things you don't mean."

"I'm not."

"You don't believe in-"

"I know I don't, but that doesn't mean I can't want you."

His arms are still around me, warm and safe.

I take a shaky breath.

Gilbert rises to his feet, tugging me up with him. He tucks the photograph of his family back into his pocket.

"Do you want to get drinks?" He asks me.

"I would love to."

He smiles slightly.

I don't usually drink, but I could use one right about now, and I follow Gilbert back to the restaurant we parked by.

"They have a good pub across the street," He tells me and I suddenly recognise the restaurant as the one Natalia left me at and Gilbert had to take me home.

We cross the street and enter the dark bar, loud music filling my ears.

Gilbert leads me to the bar and we take our seats, the bartender lazily making his way over to us.

"What can I get you?" He asks, smiling widely at me. His eyes trail up and down my body, his tongue running over his lips.

He's probably barely older than twenty-one.

Gilbert snaps his fingers in front of the bartender's face. "Oi, mate."

I stifle a laugh.

The bartender looks at Gilbert. "What can I get you?" He repeats, less enthusiastically.

"Wow, what happened to the sexy treatment?" Gilbert asks, smirking.

I stifle another laugh. turning back to the bartender, whose name-tag says 'Robert.' "I'll have an apple martini, please."

Gilbert raises an eyebrow. "Sophisticated," he says, smirking.

I grin.

"I'll have a gin tonic," he tells Robert, who, at this point is probably at his wit's end with Gilbert.

The bartender nods, sighing and turning around.

"When I was fifteen, some of my friends dared me to sneak into a bar and order a slippery nipple," Gilbert says, toying with a napkin on the table.

I snort. "Did you?"

"Yeah," Gilbert smirks. "The bartender was a girl, and she got all offended, so she banned me from the pub."

I laugh. "You troublemaker."

"I bet you've never been banned from anywhere, have you, Roddy?"

"Yes, I have actually," I snap. "I was banned from a wedding boutique."

Gilbert raises his eyebrows. "You're kidding."

"No. I'm serious. I knocked over a dress on display, and the manager flipped out."

He laughs. "You-"

"Here are your drinks," Robert interrupts, sliding them across the bar to us.

"Thanks, mate," Gilbert says sarcastically and Robert grimaces at him.

When he turns around, we giggle like teenagers.

I sip my drink, the alcohol instantly finding its way to my bloodstream. My heart rate accelerates, and Gilbert's eyes become a little brighter.

Gilbert and I begin trying to find numerous ways to annoy the bartender.

"Bob!" Gilbert shouts loudly to him.

When he turns around, a grimace already on his face, Gilbert immediately leans back on the bar pretending to have been talking to me the whole time.

"Is there something I can get for you?" Robert asks through gritted teeth.

"What?" Gilbert asks, turning to look at him.

"You called my name."

"No, I didn't."

"Uh, yes, you did."

"Look, I think you're either hallucinating, or drunk, and you really shouldn't drink on the job," Gilbert says and I try to contain my laughter.

The bartender huffs and turns away.

I burst out laughing, Gilbert putting his hand over his mouth, shaking with laughter.

"I'm such an arsehole," Gilbert laughs.

"He deserved it though," I say. "I mean, his name is Bob."

We continue to laugh. "We're going to hell for this," Gilbert laughs, shaking his head.

"No, just you," I say, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

"Oh, Roddy. It's either both of us or neither of us."

I drain my drink, and so does Gilbert. We continue to annoy Robert.

"Robert!" I shout for him, then turn around abruptly. Gilbert puts his head in his hands, shaking with laughter.

"What?"

I turn and look up at Robert, who at this point, is beyond pissed.

"What?" I ask.

"You called me."

"Who?"

"You did."

"I didn't call anybody. My phone died."

Robert looks like he's going to burst into flames.

"I'm sorry," Gilbert says, unable to contain his laughter. "Look, here's fifteen pounds, kid, go buy yourself a girlfriend or something." I laugh as Robert takes the two bills and tucks them into his pocket, muttering under his breath as he walks away.

"All right, let's get out of here before he comes back with a machete," Gilbert says, pulling on his coat."

"Yeah, like that boy could carry a machete," I snort, and Gilbert laughs again, helping me into my coat.

We walk to the door, and I'm about to step out when Gilbert grabs my arm.

"Bye, Bobby!" He shouts back towards the bar.

Just as Robert turns around, Gilbert pushes open the door, and we stumble out into the cold, hysterically laughing.

"I have never laughed so hard in my life," I say as we cross the street to where our cars are stationed.

"Neither have I," Gilbert agrees.

We stop at my car, and I fumble for my car keys.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" Gilbert asks me.

"Yes, I'm okay," I say. "I'm not a lightweight."

Gilbert half smiles. "Good to know."

I smile at him.

Gilbert scratches the back of his neck. "Well, I hear BBC is airing a couple of the US the Office episodes tonight."

I smirk. "Really."

He meets my gaze and laughs again.

"I'll race you back to my flat," I say. He smirks.

"You're on, little master."

"Starting...now!"

"That's not fair, your car's right here!"

"If I win, I'm raiding your Ferrero Rocher stash!" I slide into my car, turning the key in the ignition.

"Fuck!"

I laugh as Gilbert runs to his car, almost slipping on the icy road.

I'm sure I broke every speed limit from the London Bridge to the flats.

I shut my car door just as Gilbert pulls into the lot. I laugh as I run into the building, taking the stairs two at a time.

Unfortunately, Gilbert's legs are longer than mine.

As I run our of the stairwell at our floor, he grabs my wrist, pulling himself ahead of me.

I fumble for my keys, laughing the whole time/

Gilbert is about to push past me to get to the flat when a door opens down the hall and a short Asian man steps out.

Our other neighbour, Mr Wang, is a computer programmer at PSU, and he's quite old as well. He lives a door down from Gilbert, across the hall from me. He is also quite irritable.

"Keep it down out here!" He snaps.

"Sorry, Mr Wang," Gilbert says, soundung like a reprimanded child.

"Young people," Mr Wang grumbles as he goes back into his flat, slamming the door.

I look at Gilbert and burst into laughter.

We laugh again, and then remember our race, both fumbling for keys all over again.

"Aha!" I shout, twisting my key in the lock and bursting into the apartment. "I win."

"Damn it!" Gilbert curses, shutting the door behind him.

"You lose and I win. Oh, sweet victory." I throw my eyes onto the counter, falling back onto the couch."

Gilbert rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

I smirk. "Don't be a sore loser, Gilbert. I'll let you race me to the room."

And we're off again, this time Gilbert beating me, falling into my bed. I fall next to him, both of us laughing like lunatics.

"Who's winning now? That's right, Gilbert Beilschmidt, everyone!" He spreads his arms out over the bed, a smirk painted on his face.

"This was a pity race," I roll my eyes.

"I still won."

"You're still an idiot. And you messed up my bed." I narrow my eyes at the wrinkled comforter.

"Shit, now that's a problem."

I roll my eyes at him and slip off my shoes, reaching for the remote and switching on the television. Gilbert turns the lamp on the nightstand on, getting up to turn off the overhead. He joins me back on the bed, stepping out of his shoes.

"You left your pyjama bottoms here from last time, if you want to change." I say to him.

"I did?"

"Yes. You idiot."

He laughs at me and gets the clothes out of the drawer of my dresser I tell him they're in. While he changes, I put on my own pyjamas, yawning and sliding back into bed.

Gilbert comes back into the room, putting his other clothes in my dresser. I feel the bed dip down as he gets in besides me.

"I've seen this one," We say at the same time as the Office plays in the screen. We look at each other and laugh.

We watch four episodes before deciding it's time for sleep- well, I decided. Gilbert claimed he could stay up all night and watch reruns, but I told him I wasn't up for it.

So Gilbert leans over and switches the light off, the room filling with darkness.

"Gilbert?" I ask. "Why did you call me today? Out of everyone you could have called, why me?"

He's silent. For a minute, I think he may have fallen asleep, and I look over at him.

"Because I knew you'd listen," he finally says. "Even if we weren't exactly speaking, I knew you'd still listen."

I contemplate this.

"Do you think Joseph will call you back?"

He sighs. "Most likely."

I swallow. "Don't you want closure, though? I mean, maybe you should talk to him."

"I don't want to talk to him, he's a shitty uncle and a shitty person."

"Don't you think that's how Anneliese felt about me before Leigh told her the truth? What if Joseph has a reason, but you're just not listening to him?"

Gilbert sighs. "I don't want to talk about this, Roderich."

I turn on my side to face him. "You can't keep running from your past, Gilbert."

"I know," he says. "But right now, I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," I nod.

"Come here." He pulls me toward him, wrapping his arms around me.

Maybe he's had a tough past, and maybe I do too. But I know, no matter how many times he tells me he doesn't believe in love, he'll always be capable of it, even if he tries to fight it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Migraine on repeat, it's been months but I've done it, kiddos, fresh chapter if anyone is still reading this.


End file.
